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HIV Life >> Relationships and Dating

Pages: 1
Jaybee123
Newbie

Reged: 07/12/13
Posts: 2
Black gay guy HIV+
      #273015 - 07/12/13 01:35 PM

I'm a black gay guy and I always wanted to be a dad. In 2010, I met a lesbian friend who wanted to be a mom too. I went for blood test and that's when I was told that I'm HIV+. That time I wanted to kill myself because it was the time I came out. I have been beaten, arrested, kicked because of my sexuality and now this. I always keep on asking myself why me? Please if you can help me my dream to come true, drop me a line. I'm happy to answer any questions. Thanks to read my post.

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Cristian
Member

Reged: 06/03/13
Posts: 47
Re: Black gay guy HIV+ new
      #273020 - 07/13/13 09:21 AM

Hello there, and welcome. "Why me...?" As silly as it sounds, I always think of a a quick answer that someone always used to give me to the "why" question. He simply used to repost..."Why not?".
I always wanted to be a dad too...
Hugs.

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Jaybee123
Newbie

Reged: 07/12/13
Posts: 2
Re: Black gay guy HIV+ new
      #273021 - 07/13/13 09:34 AM

Why me is the question I keep asking myself. It's not because I want the answer but one of those things if you know what I mean. It's really hard to think through. thanks for the comment.

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anotherday
Moderator

Reged: 05/15/13
Posts: 361
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Re: Black gay guy HIV+ new
      #273026 - 07/14/13 04:32 AM

There is always a "why me" when life as what we know it shifts us in the direction as to what society terms "normal". We are raised to be a certain way, how we should live, who we date/marry, what clothes to wear. We try as people, gay, lesbian, straight, white, black, American, Canadian ... to conform to a normal. Then of course we get HIV, could be cancer, could be diabetes, could be a cold! "Why me, why now?" the usual first remarks.

We feel we are now judged, by each other, society, to finally ourselves ... "what did I do to deserve this?"

It is at these times when we can really stop and celebrate who we are, to stop and take account of the person we have become. Do we just curl up and die? ... some maybe ... others live. It's at these times when we can look back at past memories. good and bad, look forward to plans being made ... and really enjoy the now! The person we see looking back at us in the mirror each morning.

Sure we can live in a trail of "woe is me" or we can start each day blazing a new trail. Take our memories and build from there, take what we have learned and spread the news!

For you Jay, it's noted you have had some difficult times, more then I have for sure, and I feel for you and wish I never have to encounter beatings and arrests simply because of who I am. I too have had the "why me?" question pop into my head occassionally but it is at that moment I always come back with a quick answer instead of pondering ... "because it's me" ... I have a purpose and a reason for being ME.

Your dream is always just starting, maybe it isn't written the same way you see it, but it's there! Being gay was not your choice, getting HIV wasn't your choice, being black wasn't your choice ... but what you do with those tools IS your choice. They all have value, they have strength and they have purpose.

Your dream of being a Dad might not be with your own baby, but know there are HIV babies born all over the world, so your being HIV is there to help them, single mothers with HIV that need a "man around the house", sometimes their prayers can come in the form of a gay black man with HIV. Of course HIV doesn't have to be part of the equation, helping gay youth to succeed, there is so many possibilities to put your talents to use. You have all these components about you, like a stereo system, it's how you put those components together that will make beautiful music!

I look at my situation everyday, as I stare into the mirror, what can I do, what can I say, how can I help ... being gay, HIV is not going to stop me, it's going to make me ... make me do things, make me see things differently, make me enjoy things I have never noticed before!

I was once told by a very dear friend and fellow keeper of the HIV, we shouldn't make HIV into something that people want to have to "get rid of life's problems" that "HIV is not a blessing" to some ... it is how you accept it though and run with it. I find mine to be a blessing of sorts, cleared my mind, gave my life focus and purpose ... but it wasn't the HIV alone it was just one of the tools given to me and with all my other components that I am trying to piece together everyday what will make my song, my beautiful music.

Good luck Jaybee and just know if you ever want to chat, and I would love that, please feel free to private me anytime!

--------------------
anotherday ... in paradise!
daily ponder ... be the reason someone smiles today!

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DJlavis
Newbie

Reged: 06/08/13
Posts: 9
Re: Black gay guy HIV+ new
      #273224 - 07/31/13 04:52 AM

I recommend blackpoz.com for you. Many black positive singles with hiv.

--------------------
EDUCATE Yourself. Don't let yourself get down and always keep moving. We have to stick together.

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thasiege
Newbie

Reged: 08/09/13
Posts: 2
Re: Black gay guy HIV+ new
      #273370 - 08/10/13 07:17 AM

I am recently diagnosed positive and wanted to have children as well don't know if I can now but there's always other options options.the way to treatments are going now I believe there will be some relief or we can have children and not affect anyone else.
the rhetorical question of why me I agree with the other userwhy not you or why not me perfect case scenario adds another chapter to your life. perhaps I'm taking this summer it light for the circumstances but its a secret and nobody needs to know only if I want them to. I wish you well in your endeavors

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