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HIV Life >> Relationships and Dating

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AboutTimex
New User

Reged: 11/12/12
Posts: 22
Seeking Serodiscordant Role Models
      #268940 - 11/12/12 01:51 PM

Two guys here, mixed status, looking for a little advice. We've been together a few months and are navigating how to deal with our neg/pos match up. We'd like to hear from some similar couples about their experiences within a serodiscordant relationship. Post or the board or PM. We're both 30something, each new to this.

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AndyH
New User

Reged: 11/14/12
Posts: 1
Loc: Decatur, AL United States
Re: Seeking Serodiscordant Role Models new
      #268980 - 11/14/12 11:47 AM

HI, I am a 35 yo positive, and my BF is a 25 yo negative. We happen to meet at a bar, and I asked him out on a date. I later disclosed to him my HIV status, and he was not quick to judge. We continued dating for several months, he moved in with me 1.5 years ago.

In the beginning, I could tell that he still had a rational fear about HIV; however, he did do things to educate himself, i.e. going to counseling that dealt with becoming knowledgeable about HIV. He also taught me some things about HIV that I didn't know about.

In all, we are a happy couple. Our sex life is great (though he may want sex more often.) We use condoms for penetrative sex. Otherwise, masturbating with each other is often enough to fill in when/where needed.

For me, taking medications does do a number on me from time-to-time. I do find myself being tired or "out of the loop." Everyone is different, I am sure.

I probably haven't answered a lot of your questions that you have in mind, but I do hope that I have given you some insight.

Andy

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DJones
Member

Reged: 04/02/09
Posts: 84
Loc: Milwaukee Wisconsin
Re: Seeking Serodiscordant Role Models new
      #268981 - 11/14/12 11:55 AM

Hello
I am positive, my partner is negative. I found out four years ago I had AIDS. We have been together going on 24 years now. It is an adjustment and we had a lot to work through. We are still together and just as happy. I would be happy to talk with you more, email me at djones2659@live.com.
I started a blog the day I found out I was HIV+. The link is below. Good luck and feel free to contact me.

--------------------
http://daveslifelivingwithhiv.blogspot.com/

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AboutTimex
New User

Reged: 11/12/12
Posts: 22
Re: Seeking Serodiscordant Role Models new
      #268992 - 11/14/12 09:14 PM

Andy, How long did it take for the fear to subside? Would it ever go away... then come back even stronger?

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staxxofjoy
New User

Reged: 11/14/12
Posts: 3
Loc: Atlanta, GA
Re: Seeking Serodiscordant Role Models new
      #268994 - 11/14/12 09:56 PM

My partner and I have been together for 16 years. We are both in our mid 30s. I have been positive for only a few months (diganosed 7/23/12). We have adjusted VERY well to the diagnosis. We live in Atlanta, GA. What type of problems or topics would you like to discuss? Please feel free to PM me.

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AboutTimex
New User

Reged: 11/12/12
Posts: 22
Re: Seeking Serodiscordant Role Models new
      #268996 - 11/15/12 12:14 AM

We'd like to hear any tips on adjusting. This is the first magnetic relationship for us both. We're trying to overcome fear of catching the disease and the lifetime of stigma we grew up hearing about it. Sometimes it's a non-issue. Other times panic sets in. We are three months in to the relationship.

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Daddy_Bearby
Member

Reged: 07/29/09
Posts: 27
Loc: Alabama
Re: Seeking Serodiscordant Role Models new
      #268999 - 11/15/12 08:33 AM

My husband ( an honrary title there since we reside in a red state ) and I have been in a long term sero-discordinate relatonship nearly 28 years now and life has never been better for me .
Yes he was at my side when we got the news that I was poz in 1989 and again in 2001 when the determination of aids came from my id dr.
Yet his love has never faultered even he himself is not poz ( yes there is record of such since he goes to the V.A. for his semi annual check up's and blood is drawn upon each visit ( along with a urine specicimen as well ) .
Now whereas a relaatonship of our duration like many other's does not depend solely on the aspect of sex we love each other as I am sure you will both learn to do as well after you get used to protecting each other in your respective different way's later on in the relationshipp dynamic .
Good Luck in life and love .

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staxxofjoy
New User

Reged: 11/14/12
Posts: 3
Loc: Atlanta, GA
Re: Seeking Serodiscordant Role Models new
      #269000 - 11/15/12 10:14 AM

First of all....relax, take a deep breath. HIV is not something that you can catch as easily as the flu. You can only acquire HIV through the exchange of CERTAIN bodily fluids. You cannot get it from tears, sweat, urine, or saliva. I would also stay away from Google and only get your information from reputable sources such as thebody.com.

Do you have access to a support group? My partner and I belong to a support group that is for serodiscordant couples. I am not sure where you live, but hopefully you live in a large enough city that has some type of Center you can go to for information. We went through Positive Impact.

Are you working with an infectious disease doctor? If so, both of you should go to your doctor visits. My partner came with me on the first visit after my diagnosis and he was able to ask some questions.

The most important piece of advice that I can offer is to communicate with each other. If you (and I am assuming I am speaking to the positive person) feel depressed or like your world is crashing in...talk to him about your fears. Similarly, if the negative person is feeling scared about a certain activity, talk about it. Do not hold it in. This has been very helpful to us as we share everything. Nothing, not even this disease is strong enough to break our bond and I attribute that to our strong communication skills with each other.

I completely understand having to overcome a lifetime of stigma. We both had to overcome that, too. It isn't easy, but it can be done through education. Are there specific things that you are concerned about?


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