|
|
HIV Positive Husband
#78151 - 11/13/03 01:23 PM
|
Reply
|
Quote
|
|
|
Eight months ago, I discovered that I am HIV positive. I have likely had this disease for about five years. Currently, I'm taking meds. Since this discovery, my wife and I had not had sexual intercourse. I am terrified of giving this to her -- even if we use a condom. My wife was tested negative after six months, which was a real blessing. I realize that sexual relations are important in a marriage, but I'm scared I could still give her this disease even if we use a latex condom. Could somebody please offer me some advice? Thanks.
Post Extras:
|
|
|
|
are you still touching her, hugging her, kissing her? Are you still pleasuring her? If you are not, then it's not about your fear of giving it to her since none of those activities are risky. Remember women get pleasure from lots of other sexual activities besides intercourse.
Post Extras:
|
|
LoveIsNotAWord
|
|
Grand Master
|
|
|
|
|
Reged: 11/05/03
|
|
Posts: 173
|
|
Loc: We are in West Texas
|
|
|
Dear Postive,
I married my HIV+ husband in August, we have a wonderful LOVE which includes intimacy and sexuality; I too have my moments (fear) but have thus tested negative you are welcome to read more about us on my other posts.
I know you must be frustrated but if you go to the advice columns on the "Body" you will see expert advice on protection, and the chances of spreading HIV and or what to do to prevent it.
Some information is that for instance it is researched that those "undetectable" have less of a chance of spreading the HIV (still use protection), that oral sex rarely passes HIV (but again protection should be used), and these are just a few facts you will find in the columns here on this forum. I am a professional nurse to this day I have my moments but I hope and pray that you talk to your wife, see what her fears and needs are, and make it work. You are in my prayers.
Karen :)
--------------------
Karen G....
"Live with it!"
Post Extras:
|
|
|
|
Thank you for this reply. I am a recovering alcoholic and I got in trouble because of my alcoholism. I am not trying to use alcoholism as a crutch, but it truly is a disease that can turn a person into somebody different -- somebody they don't even know anymore. The bottom line is that I would not have this disease today if it was not for my alcoholism. This is difficult to say, but I'm doing my best to see HIV as as gift. It's forced me to get help through Alcoholics Anonymous and to work through my issues as a sober person. I can honestly say that I would rather have HIV and be sober than to continue my drinking. I think God's plan for me may be to save lives through Alcoholics Anonymous, which would truly be a blessing.
I realize we need professional guidance and we have been seeking medical direction from doctors. My wife is still having a difficult time coping with this. We have not told anybody but medical experts about my condition. She mentioned to me that she wishes she could talk to her sister about this and lean on her. What is your opinion? My doctors have told me there is no reason to tell other people, especially due to the stigma of this disease. It is frustrating, because I too would like to have others to lean on. But for now, I'm more comfortable keeping this disease behind closed doors. I just know that once it's out, I will lose friendships and family members who love me. I don't think I could handle this right now. I also don't want to hurt anybody else with my condition. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for your support, and good luck to you and your husband.
Post Extras:
|
|
LoveIsNotAWord
|
|
Grand Master
|
|
|
|
|
Reged: 11/05/03
|
|
Posts: 173
|
|
Loc: We are in West Texas
|
|
|
Dear Husband,
I applaud your AA recovery Luke and I both go to AA currently he is serving time on the probation revocation but I go each night and work a program. I hope you too have a sponsor and perhaps your wife could attend ALANON if she is not an alcoholic/addict herself.
The disease is first of the body a physical allergy to alcohol, second the mind a compulsion so powerful that the "first drink" leads to further destruction and death, and a spiritual bankruptcy. I am sure if you are schooled in the BB (big book) you know this already. We can at best have a "daily reprieve" please remember this. I am not an alcoholic or addict by use but was raised by an alcoholic mother so abusive that my psychiatrist states only 3 percent lived through what I did. So I know the disease well I applaud you and your program.
Your physician MAY be great for your HIV but how good is he for you overall? Meaning I suggest strongly (in fact I do not do AA tonight it is my AIDS support group night) contacting your local area AIDS support group both you and your wife can attend and get the love and support needed, and it is needed. You can discuss those areas of having HIV that bother you like sexuality, love, work, medications, and share with others like yourself who "hurt" over the stigma you mentioned attached to this disease.
You are not alone nor is your wife. Anger and resentment can occur; if this happens the STRESS can play havoc with your IMMUNE system counseling IS IN ORDER. If ya'll are going to make this work and I see you are willing and able to take the steps seek help.
Don't you worry about hurting others. LOVE is either love or not love. If you must talk to someone, tell the family, do the "right things" to better your life than do so. Think it out, discuss it with those you trust, and do what is needed. You have an illness it is NOT YOU it is an illness and yes it has serious outcomes but that does not make you a bad person.
You both are welcome to email me at LoveISNotAWord@aol.com and you do have a life, just tell yourself you "deserve this life and can work for it" and go for the gold!!
Much love,
Karen
--------------------
Karen G....
"Live with it!"
Post Extras:
|
|
|
|
My husband tested positive about 18 months ago. He, too, refused to have intercourse with me after that. We have been married for 12 years and have 2 children and I tested negative. His doctor told him it was fine for us to be intimate if using a condom but he, too, is scared he will give it to me. In fact, he ended up leaving me a few months ago. Please, if you wife if willing, use a condom and make love to her.
Post Extras:
|
|
0 registered and 2 anonymous users are browsing this forum.
Moderator: TheBody, bogart, crabman, riverprincess, kicker
|
Permissions
You cannot start new topics
You cannot reply to topics
HTML is enabled
UBBCode is enabled
|
Thread views: 3577
|
|
|
|
|
|
UBB.threads™ 6.2.3
| Advertisement |
Previous
Index
Next
Flat
Threaded
