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Family and Friends >> My Loved One Has HIV/AIDS

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Hopefulheart
Newbie

Reged: 12/26/13
Posts: 4
My husband is HIV+ and I am negative. new
      #274568 - 12/26/13 04:05 PM

Hello, as my subject line states my husband is positive and I am negative. It has been very hard at times. I love my husband very much but I am always afraid. We have protected sex but I am always afraid that the condom will break or come off. Going to the doctor is a very scary thing now. Most days things are good and some days I don't even think about the disease but then the days when I am afraid and tired of worrying so much hit hard.
I have told very few people about his disease. I did tell my mother and she has not looked at me the same since. Even though I am negative I feel like I should be in a little red bag as I am certain he feels the same way. When my husband and I met I did not know he was positive. I did not find out until a one day a condom broke and i had to go to the hospital and start taking prevenative medication. My husband kept it from me but I made the choice to stay with him and love him through it as best as I can. Some days I think it would be easier to give up and walk away. Then I would never worry if I am infected but then I think of not being with him and it hurts. It hurts to think of him being in my life and it hurts to think of him feeling abandoned. He made a mistake and will suffer for the mistake for the rest of his life but should he face a life without some one to love him...I don't think that is fair.

I guess one of the things that cause me conflict as well is not knowing for sure where or how he got it. He used drugs once or twice and he has had sex with several females that was unprotected. That was many years ago and he has not done either in many years. I have never used drugs so it is hard for me to understand. I think I would just like to hear some positive feedback or at least talk to someone who is going through the same thing.

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anotherday
Moderator

Reged: 05/15/13
Posts: 449
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Re: My husband is HIV+ and I am negative. new
      #274584 - 12/27/13 10:27 PM

I have read your posts, including this one ... and have seen where you and your husband need to talk with his doctors and get some detailed information regarding HIV.

Living in fear is not necessary, broken condoms are a concern but it is something that needs to be addressed and with the proper specialist. There are many +/- couples in the world who have very usual sex lives, it's not difficult.

Some of your thoughts in your posts though send out little flags of concern. Having to tell family members about his situation is not called for, you don't need to disclose to people unless you really feel it is necessary and since you are negative, it really is HIS responsibility! Which brings up the next issue you need to talk to him about, he should have NEVER attempted an intimate relationshp with you until he disclosed to you, so you could make an informed decision regarding the chances of transmission, he really dropped the ball, and it borders on "physical assault' in some jurisdictions ... having sex with you knowing he is positive. Undetectable or not, condom or not, it is being a repsonsible person with HIV to inform their sexual partners that there is a risk ... it's never a zero risk, no matter how people try to colour it, as you have seen "broken condom"!

Which now leads to the next matter regarding how he contracted it, when someone has HIV it's a little late to start pointing fingers, you have it, you can't turn back time ... you just have to move forward with understanding and education. Teach others from what you have learned. To use the word "mistake" is wrong, some have contracted it by accident, some from not being informed, some from thinking they were invincible. Whatever the method, closing the gate after the cows got out is pointless. If he still has drug issues, get him some help, I would fear the relationship breaking down from the drug addiction first before HIV. If he is out having unprotected sex with others, keep in mind he could bring something else home with his HIV (STD's/STI's). If you have to point a finger, I would start there going forward, not where he got it, but how, if there is an underlying issue, that he may need help with!

The love you share is wonderful, the underlying thought of "some days I think it would be easier to give up and walk away" ... is that the HIV talking or your commitment to this person talking. If your having doubts with your relationship, maybe you best work on that first, before all this HIV issue. If it "hurts to think of him being in your life or to think of him being abandoned" ... that is extremely selffish and a tad narrow-minded! I will apologise if that sounds offensive, but honestly I think you are questioning your relationship and using HIV as the 'scape-goat!

We as people with HIV do not feel like we need to be in a "little red bag", we are responsible with what we have ... take our meds, visit our medical teams ... just as if we had cancer or diabetes, it's not that big of an issue. It is uninformed uneducated about HIV people who turn it into a big issue!

--------------------
anotherday ... in paradise!
daily ponder ... be the reason someone smiles today!

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riverprincessModerator
Moderator

Reged: 12/25/11
Posts: 1742
Loc: Jersey Shore
Re: My husband is HIV+ and I am negative. new
      #274651 - 01/04/14 10:16 AM

Just love the man , he is the same man . Sadly it's fear of losing you that may of prevented him from telling you . But he is stillthe man you always loved. You both have some issues to work out . Use them as building blocks . If you need to talk just send me a pm. I can also refer you to another woman who is in the same situation as you , and she can share how she has handled it.

--------------------
Look up to the Heavens for the answers to Lifes questions .

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delighted2
Newbie

Reged: 02/01/14
Posts: 1
Re: My husband is HIV+ and I am negative.
      #275207 - 02/01/14 06:45 PM

My husband & I found out that he was Hiv positive when he got extremely sick and was admitted in hospital. When the doctor told us the results he looked at me and said, " I guess you're gonna leave me now." I immediate said no..... & reminded him of our marriage vows. " Through sickness & in health". I stayed by my husband's side 100%. I took him to his doctor appointments & made sure he took his medicine . He was weighing 97 lbs.
at one point and that was very hard because I had to carry the dead weight
because his feet was so sore. Anyway, to make a long store short after 14 yrs of marriage & him being positive 8 yrs of them he decides to just leave me 4 months ago with no explanation and did it while I was at work. He changed his cell # & won't reach out to 2 give me closure. I'm so confused!!!!!! Help me please.

Edited by delighted2 (02/01/14 07:20 PM)

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riverprincessModerator
Moderator

Reged: 12/25/11
Posts: 1742
Loc: Jersey Shore
Re: My husband is HIV+ and I am negative. new
      #275233 - 02/03/14 02:20 PM

Sonds like your husband didn't want to burden you with not only his care but did not want you seeing him as his illness seemed to claim more and more of him. I am truly sooo sorry that this all went the way that it did. Do you know where he went to live? I'm sure you still would take care of him till death do yous part but to him he is releasing you of that before it comes to that. Remind him that even with him leaving , you still see him as your husband , no matter what. I can only imagine how had this is for you. If ever you want another shoulder to cry or just lean on , you'll always find me her. Feel free to pm me at any time. I will always respond promptly .

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

--------------------
Look up to the Heavens for the answers to Lifes questions .

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jamieharris
Newbie

Reged: 06/04/14
Posts: 7
Re: My husband is HIV+ and I am negative. new
      #276509 - 06/05/14 10:23 AM

Sorry to hear this. Hope all gets better soon.

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jamieharris
Newbie

Reged: 06/04/14
Posts: 7
Re: My husband is HIV+ and I am negative. new
      #276510 - 06/05/14 10:32 AM

So sorry to hear that. Hope all goes well for you both. Goodluck

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