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Family and Friends >> My Loved One Has HIV/AIDS

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I love him but my family doesn't approve....
      #265989 - 08/30/12 02:40 PM

My boyfriend of a couple months just got diagnosed. I know what you're gonna say, it's only been a couple months, how can you love him? But the thing is we've been best friends since like 10 or 11 and weboth had this secret crush on each other but never wanted to reveal it for fear of ruining our friendship. When he finally asked me to be his gf, I was ecstatic and everything was going great, we even had plans of marriage and a family in the future. Then one day we were supposed to go run some errands early in the morning when he got a call from his doctor that he needed to go see her as soon as possible. Of course I went with him. He had had a routine blood test and that something had come up. I shrugged it off and thought it was something like anemia or something, but when he came out, I knew something was up, I'd never seen him like that. I kept asking him to tell me what was wrong and he wouldn't and then started crying. He couldn't tell me he just showed me the paper and my whole life came crushing down. I just couldn't believe it, and you can just imagine how he was. Up till that point we had not done much past making out but my parents made me get checked anyways, I'm - he wasn't the same after that, distancing himself more each day, until finally he broke up with me. He said he couldn't live with the fact that he could be putting me at risk, that he loved me too much for that. Since day 1I told him his status did not matter to me and we could find a way to stay together. I love him and I really could not imagine my life with anyone else. We recently got back together, he said all he'd needed was a little time to adjust to things and fully understand and commit to our relationship. The only problem is my parents. They're very against our relationship and I feel as though I'm being tugged at from both sides. Neither love has more weight than the other, and I can't choose one or the other. How do I make them see that my bf makes me happy and regardless of his status I love him with all my heart. I have done extensive research on the topic, so it's not like I'm some naive lovestruck teen. I am an adult and can make my own decisions, but how do I make them understand that?

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Reged: 10/25/10
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Loc: GA, USA
Re: I love him but my family doesn't approve.... new
      #265992 - 08/30/12 06:24 PM

You can't make people understand that above all else is a fact of life. What you can do is feed them information and hope they can meet you somewhere in the middle.

I would suggest talking to them and placing it as plainly as you have here. Ask them what exactly their fears are and give them educated counter points to their fears. Such as they might say, "we don't want you to be infected and die." (which is probably their biggest concern). To that you could counter with how you both plan on practicing safe sex how you are going to do that and how with treatment and safe sex you have little to no risk of being infected. Show them articles and proof of that.

Ask your bf to also accompany you to have this discussion. Do it when everyone can sit down and talk calmly and rationally. Don't allow emotion to take over the conversation. This will show how much thought and research you have put into it. Dont accuse them of being naive just give them time to digest the information. Don't expect an immediate turn around. What you can ask is for their support and allowing you to make the decisions you want and remind them how well they raised you to make the right decisions.

Best of luck.

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Re: I love him but my family doesn't approve.... new
      #268704 - 10/30/12 04:45 AM

If you really do love him then you will have to stand up to your family sooner or later. & if they really love you then they will accept your choice.


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Re: I love him but my family doesn't approve.... new
      #268892 - 11/10/12 01:22 AM

I have been right where u are now, two years ago my fiancé who was and is my best friend was diagnosed with HIV he had an affair and when he found out he had HIV he was more worried about me than himself. I was tested and was negative we have stayed together because I love him and need him in my life but my family didn't see it that way at first, they thought I was endangering myself and wanted me to stop seeing him. I became as knowledgable about HIV as I could I go to every doctors appointment he has and get tested every 3 months. We waited until we had sex (protected sex always) Until he was on medications that he could tolerate and his levels were ur detectable we did this to eliminate the risks for me, when my family saw we were doing it together and that he had many of the same fears and was making sure to do everything in his power to keep me safe they saw us in a new light. We educated all our families together and had them ask any questions they wanted being open and honest help us all build a stronger bond and except the choices we made and us as a healthy couple. Good luck please respond to me if u need any help hang in there

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