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New t0 Sero-discordant relationships
#253892 - 01/13/11 08:15 AM
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My new partner is HIV with a non-detectable viral load and I'm negative.
condom broke and I came inside him without realising it had broken.
currently on a 30 day course of Truvada as went straight to the hospital (the same day) to protect me.
I don't appear to be getting support from my partner about taking the medication as he sees it unnecessary because he has an undetectable viral load and infact hung up on me over it.
I'm getting the you don't trust me shit and you can't get it from me.
It's hard enough loving him and getting through his barriers as we are a negative with a positive without the issue of me now taking medication.
I even had a health check in December so he knew I couldn't give him anything (everything was negative) and I even told him the results but he says he hasn't seen them (so have arranged to get a copy to show him). But this was before this incident and I now need to be tested at 6 weeks, 3 and 6 months.
Sorry just needed to vent as I need support too now.
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DJones
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All Star
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Reged: 04/02/09
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Posts: 82
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Loc: Milwaukee Wisconsin
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Hello
Sorry if this sounds harsh but, you should run. It sounds to me like this is not a relationship anyone should be in. Your partner seems selfish and does not deserve you. I have been positive now for 2 years and HE of all people should know how difficult this disease is mentally and physically. Shame on him for not understanding and being more supportive. I think you should find someone else who thinks of you more.
Sorry if this is harsh, but you deserve a whole lot more.
Dave
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http://daveslifelivingwithhiv.blogspot.com/
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Thanks Dave,
I think I am about to run due to other reasons within the relationship as well.
My friends aren't aware of this issue but are aware of other issues have told me to dump him so you are not alone with your sentiment.
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trulife
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Fanatic
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Reged: 12/01/10
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Posts: 69
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Loc: South
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I have to agree...he does not sound like someone who will really care if he infects you or not. It is so hard for the rest of us out here who would appreciate a good man. Nice to know that HIV didn't drive your decision to be with him. but his reaction should drive your decision to stay or go. Everyone deserves to be loved and appreciated and not taken advantage of or neglected.
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The relationship has ended for about the 4th time in 2 weeks. The first was because I went out dancing one night without him because he cancelled our date.
Atm I'm now going through the testing etc. without family or friends support because to do so I'd have to disclose this guys status and what happened (we are not allowed to disclose people's status here without their concent). I am getting conselling though but still feel so alone.
I've been on PEP for just over two weeks now. Have to have blood counts done again today for another base line, then tested at 6 weeks, 12 weeks and 6 months from the exposure. My tests on the 12th (day of exposure) were all negative for everything.
He has not even asked me once about whats happening with me and this issue (just why did I go to the hospital a couple of days later).
I deserve a whole lot better than this ffs.
edited to add: plus Sexual Health has told me, because of the exposure I'm not to have sex with anyone for the next 3 months either.
Edited by new2serodisco (01/27/11 08:51 PM)
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I shouldn't care.
He has dumped me 4 times in 2 weeks.
It is making me not want another positive partner again.
As it is I have been told by sexual health that I'm not allowed to have sex for 3 months with anyone else because of the condom breakage.
So no bf,not allowed to have sex with anyone for another 10 weeks, can't tell my sister or friends (that know him), on 30 day course of Truvada and need ongoing blood tests for the next 6 months.
So life is pretty fucked up for a negative guy who loves a positive one.
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Bbi
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Member
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Reged: 01/03/11
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Posts: 10
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Loc: Atlanta
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I am sorry your BF is self-centered. He was probably like this before becoming POZ. Nonetheless, we all deserve respect and care, no matter what our circumstances. Be careful of your heart, even if he is not.
I want to share my situation a bit.
I am talking with a NEG man, who knows I am POZ and says it is ok with him. Our conversations are mostly about him and his new life since being divorced. Sometimes he stops himself and apologizes for always talking about himself. I tell him NO NO NO, I love listening to you and I am just fine. We don't need to talk about my infection, what is there to say anyway. I take my meds and life goes on. I tell him I don't want to talk about HIV. He doesn't want to get infected, but he seems to accept the 'risk' of being with me. He puts a lot of faith in the fact that my VL is undetectable, however I remind him that there is still a risk. I do love listening to him, I love his pre-occupation type personality and I am strong and doing just fine with no problems to speak of (can you imagine that? ....I have HIV!).
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Recently diagnosed. Started treatment 79 days after infection. I'm being very private about it.
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Bbi, sounds to me that you both have love, caring, honesty, trust and respect in your relationship and very happy for you.
This guy has been treated like crap and deep inside I see the really lovely guy he can be but all his barriers are in the way. Imo he has learnt not to trust, hence has no respect for others plus the barriers don't allow love in or out and this is how he survives and protects himself.
I told him that if there was to be an us that he was to get off the substance he is on as I don't drive 160km in the middle of the night to make love with a guy off his face (I do it to make love with the guy I love) plus I'm worried about what it's doing to his health. I also added in about trust and respect. He said then there is no us then as he hates being told what to do.
I'm anti-drug, go to the gym and do weights, don't smoke, hardly drink and have fun dancing etc.(yups a health conscious guy).
I've told him that my friendship is there when he needs or wants it plus that my invitation for coffee (out in public) this Thursday is still open. Doubt he will turn up though.
He has said he doesn't need anyone to care for him and he is independent.
xxxooo
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update:
we have totally split and he doesn't want my help or friendship. Because one of his friends and I had spoken about him with each other (I told her what was going on and how he was treating me), to get back at me txt my sister and said I was stalking him and he'd involve the police (this was after he txt me and told me not to talk to his friends about him plus sent me a txt saying the barman at said to tell me to get over him and to duck off. I haven't replied to either and now because of him I had to tell my sister about him, the condom breakage etc. I didn't want her to know about this.
As I no longer am in a sero-discordant relationship, I don't think I should be a part of this group anymore.
Thanks to those who gave me advice and support.
BIG BIG XXXOOO
new2serodisco
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