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CSS
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Timed, Unprotected Sex to Get Pregnant
#250991 - 07/01/10 03:30 PM
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I posted my story on another thread about magnetic/serodiscordant couples trying to have a baby, but since it was so long and the thread was pretty old, I thought I'd start a new one. Plus, I'd really like to hear folks' opinion on the matter.
I'm an HIV- woman married to an HIV+ man. We've been together for 12 years, typically used condoms, and for about a year now, we've been trying to have a baby. We tried three months of timed (until the last month, when we added a few extra tries), unprotected sex in the beginning, but then decided to switch to donor sperm and IUIs (intrauterine insemination). I never tested positive, but we worried about the risk and although his sperm had been tested for fertility purposes and found fine, we thought maybe a young, healthy donor would help.
Eight tries later, including switching donors three times, two medicated (pills and shots) cycles, and--the last time around--a very early miscarriage, we're back at square one. We've basically run out of money, but not the desire to have a child. Although I'm 40, my fertility testing has all come out fine and I still want to try a few more times before turning to adoption.
So we're thinking about trying timed, unprotected sex again and I've just been reading up on the subject. The European studies of Drs. Semprini and Vernazza are particularly encouraging and I've been reviewing their work. Here's some info on that in case anyone's interested:
http://www.thebody.com/content/art42636.html
http://papamamanbebe.net/a8174-serodiscordant-couple-seeks-advice-about-con.html
http://www.aidsmeds.com/articles/1667_10825.shtml
My husband fits the bill (on HAART therapy, undetectable viral load, has always been healthy), although we probably wouldn't consult our doctors and hence, provide me with any sort of prophylactic (seems to be mostly for psychological reasons anyway). Because of liability issues, the American medical establishment, by and large, won't give the go-ahead or help couples like us with the process. My doctor offered to do sperm washing, but only if we did IVF (in vitro fertilization) and we can't afford it. So we'd just have to go it alone, like we did last time.
I'm feeling a little hesitant. I have to confess I have some fears and, I hate to say this, but I feel like I dodged a bullet last time and I'm not sure I want to take the risk again. I know it's always a risk, even with a condom, but this takes it up a notch. Plus, I wonder if my husband's sperm is going to do the trick since it didn't before (but they say you should give it 6 months). However, I feel like I've run out of options and we still really want to be parents.
Whether folks are in the same position or not, the subject of unprotected sex has to hit home for all of us. So please do let me know what you think.
--CSS
PS: Another option out there (but not for us, financially, at this point) is sperm washing via the Bedford Research Foundation in Boston (you can order kits through the mail too). Here's the link:
http://sementesting.org/
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Poppy
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Hi CSS,
I am in nearly the same circumstance as you. Married to a healthy HIV+ man, and I am negative and we are trying to conceive. We have explored all the options out there: IVF, IUI, sperm washing, ICSI, sperm donor, and we have finally decided to go with having timed unprotected sex. I am working with a team of doctors who have prescribed me Truvada to take as a pre-exposure treatment, and then will switch me to Combivir once I conceive as the post-exposure treatment. It is NOT guaranteed to keep me safe, but definitely better than not doing nothing.
We've been trying to conceive for the past 6 months and have not been successful. But we continue to be hopeful.
I have begun a blog to help me process all the thoughts and emotions that come with being in this circumstance. If you are interested, the link is www.hivnegativespouses.blogspot.com
Also, wanted to let you know that a woman from a nation magazine is hoping to write a story about couples in our situation and is having difficulty finding anyone for the story. If you are interested in talking to her the email is: sushma.subramanian@gmail.com
The magazine needs to find those who are willing to reveal their true identity for this story. But even if you don't feel comfortable with revealing yourself, it may still be worth your while to talk with her.
All the luck to you!
-Poppy
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CSS
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Hi Poppy,
Thanks for the response! I was beginning to wonder if there was anyone out there.
I've checked out your blog (found it via the other thread on this subject) and much of it is familiar to me. It's great that you're writing about this stuff and sharing your experiences.
We haven't started trying again, but will likely do so later this month. But not having a doctor(s) involved, like you do, is a little worrying. How on earth did you find doctors willing to help out with this? As I understand it, the potential liability costs are just too much.
I'm sorry things haven't worked out for you two yet, but six months (and up) is not abnormal. One thing to double check would be habits that can be harmful to sperm (in particular, long, hot showers, hot tubs, and that sort of thing) and also making sure your timing is just right. I use the Clear Blue Easy Digital Fertility Monitor.
There are also Instead Cups, which are typically used for menstruation, but are also used by women doing artificial insemination at home and/or having intercourse and then afterward, trying to keep the sperm near your cervix for as long as possible (also lay on your back with your hips raised for half an hour or so). Not sure if that has any effect HIV-wise, but I can't image it's any more of a risk than unprotected sex itself.
I'm glad to hear that all is well with you on that note and it mirrors my earlier experience of us trying for 3-4 months and me never testing positive. I really believe it's possible, although, of course, it's always a risk.
As far as the magazine, protecting our privacy is too important so I'd have to pass. She'll likely run into that a lot, but hopefully the article will get written because we all need more info on this subject.
Best of luck to you, and I'll keep checking here and your blog for updates.
--CSS
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CSS
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I forgot to mention another fertility tip (forgive me if you already know all this, but just in case...), pre-seed lubricant. It's sperm friendly and thus, the only lube that can be used for fertility purposes:
http://www.preseed.com/
Also, if your doctors are really on board, perhaps they'd consider doing a medicated cycle and an IUI with your husband's sperm? That could up your chances considerably (you can manipulate the timing with the meds), although, again, I have my doubts since most docs won't perform an IUI w/HIV+ sperm.
--CSS
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CSS
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Here's an (unfortunate) update in case any one's still following this thread:
My husband and I actually succeeded in our first attempt (I credit good timing and the Instead cup) and I got pregnant. However, I miscarried four weeks or so into it. No sign of HIV/sickness yet, but it's a bit early for testing, so I'll be following up in the coming months.
We may try again after a break and some acupuncture, but we'll see...
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Jen1
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I just wanted to repond to let you know how much you have helped me. My husband just found out he was + a few months ago. My initial test came back negative and my 6 week test has also been negative. I am sure you can atest to how hard this is. I feel so alone! I have never even met someone else with HIV and now I am living it first hand! Anyone that I have told doesn't understand why I don't leave my husband. The hardest part for me has been the baby thing. We were actually trying to concieve when we found out his status. His viral load is too high to try right now but because of your story I am encouraged that one day we might have a child of our own! Thank you!
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CSS
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So glad to have helped! I wasn't sure if anyone was reading these posts, so it's nice to know that it's actually been helpful to someone in a similar position.
My husband was HIV+ when we met, so I got married knowing what I was getting into. Your situation is a little tougher, but it sounds like you're committed to making it work and that's the main thing. You don't stop loving someone just because they become (or you find out that they're) HIV+.
And there is indeed hope on the baby-making front, although we haven't succeeded just yet (I'm still recovering from my last miscarriage, but we're going to try again in the next few months). I would suggest that you guys wait a while, like you said, for your husband's viral load to become undetectable and for his body to stabilize in general and then when you're ready, you might first pursue the sperm-washing route (if you can afford it) that I mentioned in my first post:
Bedford Research Foundation
http://sementesting.org/
If I had to do it over again, I would have tried that from the start and we're only doing it the old-fashioned way now because we've run out of funds. But so far, so good.
Best of luck,
CSS
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