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My Uncle has just been diagnosed with AIDS
#245919 - 06/01/09 03:12 PM
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My Uncle has been sick for quite some time. He got pnuemonia and he went into the hospital. There they told him that he has not only pnuemonia but his liver has completely failed and the he has full blown AIDS. They think that he has had it for 4 years due to how advanced it is. He is a insulin dependant diabetic as well. He is currently in the hospital but they will be discharging him within the next couple of weeks and he will be on diability for the rest of his life.
I have always been very close to him and this is very hard for me to deal with. He is only 42 and most likely got it from a past partner. He lives about a 4 hour drive away but within a week of finding out I went to visit him. I try to call him as much as possible. He seems to be in good spirits.
I am having trouble dealing with all this. It is hard because I am not sure how long he has. He has so many things going on it scares me. Also I have had to take time off of work to visit him... it was a last minute trip. I work in a small office and I simply told them he was very ill... I am not ashamed of him or the fact he has AIDS but I don't know if it something I need to share with everyone... do you think I should be honest with my coworkers?
And my Uncle is not really telling us if he is expected to survive very long and if so how long... he cannot take most of the meds he needs due to his liver failure... what can I expect for him? What can I do?
Please help...
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oldwoman
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Guardian
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Reged: 05/12/07
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Posts: 435
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Loc: Phila,Pa
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I can tell you're really struggling to come to terms with this.As far as your co-workers,telling is for him to do,I'm very open about telling people what I have but it always makes me mad if I find out somebody else told somebody what I have,it's a personal thing but I would advise you not to tell anybody.It's none of their business.Talk to your uncle and see what he says,give him time to talk or just keep him company.This site is a good place to learn about the disease and as far as how long he has,well not trying to sound like a smart a** but none of us knows how long we have.I can tell you my experience, basically I was sent home from the hospital to die,even my Dr is amazed I'm still here,the nurse practitioner told me the first time I came to the office she and the Dr looked at each other after I left and said"that's a shame,she's not gonna make it" Well,five years later I'm living at home,taking care of myself,raising two grandsons and working part time as a nurse.Just goes to show anything is possible.
Good luck to you and your uncle,the best thing you can do for him is to continue to love him and try not to treat him any different than you always did,I know it's hard to do when you're worried that he's going to die but try.
Take care
Terry
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What is very clear, is that you care about your uncle!! While he may have other medical issues, above and beyond HIV/AIDS, it is possible he might have had those without having HIV/AIDS.
For now, I would urge you to love and support your uncle however you can, in whatever fashion he is willing to accept. Keep in mind that you cannot - and should not, for your own sake - be his sole supporter. Let him know in no uncertain terms how you are dealing with the situation. If you cannot be honest about it, that makes things even more difficult to deal with.
And, more importantly, find out - ask your uncle - what his thoughts and plans are; how is he going to deal with his situation? Remember that your thoughts and ideas may not be the same as his. You need not support any lame-brained thoughts he might have; be willing to say no. Not just for him, but also for yourself.
As for telling people at work, I do not believe it's necessary that they know about your uncle's situation. I'm sure you don't tell them about other private matters; you don't need to say anything about this one, either!! Your co-workers need only know that your uncle is ill; they don't need to know actual diagnoses. And, if anyone is going to tell your co-workers about your uncle's situation, it should, indeed, be your uncle's choice and doing!!
You may want to consider getting some therapy to help you deal with the situation. You most certainly deserve to be able to deal with this, even if you need some help to do so. Journaling may be a good thing to do. For me, journaling helps to bring clarity to a situation; maybe it might help you do the same.
Whatever you do, continue to let your uncle know you care about him, and you're willing to support him as best you can. Keep in mind he will have to do some things for himself. His knowing that others care about and support him will help him do what he needs to do; it will make some of the difficult issues easier to manage.
Finally, be aware that illness, dying and death (I call it transformation) are all part of the whole life process. And there is nothing wrong with any of it. One book that might be helpful to you is "When Bad Things Happen to Good People." It helped me deal with my uncle's transformation from AIDS many years ago. Another author who wrote very insightful material on transformation was Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. I think one of her books was "On Death and Dying."
Your uncle is fortunate to have you in his life; as are you to have him in your life!! I will hold you in positive light. I wish you much love and peace, particularly on this phase of your journey.
If you'd like to chat more about this, feel free to hit me back here, or send a private email to me at bnagayguy@yahoo.com.
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Robert1
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All Star
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Reged: 05/29/07
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Maybe you can go to his next doctor's visit with him and ask him your questions and ask him if you can ask the doctors questions. If he only has a short time left, you need to know so you can change your life around. He may need hospice. Did he see an HIV specialist? That will make all the difference in the world. If he's not telling you anything you'll have to be really pushy to find out so you can be of help. Good luck! He's lucky to have you!
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Haven't been back since my original post...
Just an update. Sadly my uncle passed away. He made it a month and a half since being diagnosed. Makes me wish that I could have done more!
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oldwoman
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Guardian
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Reged: 05/12/07
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Posts: 435
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Loc: Phila,Pa
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I'm so sorry to hear that he passed away,it must have been hard for you.It sounds like you cared for him very much and did everything you could for him.We never feel like we did enough for our loved ones after they die,that's human nature.I'm sure that knowing how much you loved and cared for him,going to be with him when you found at and calling him was a big boost for him.
God bless you for caring and letting him know you cared.
Peace
Terry
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my father has been living with HIV/AIDS for almost 17 years now. he is ashamed of it because so many people judge those infected as druggies or as gay. he only told his siblings this past year. he also has hepatitis. when his liver goes, he is last on the list for transplant, if he is even on at all. if, by some miracle, he could get a transplant, his body very well may reject it. speak up and show that you care, for people like my father.
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