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Family and Friends >> My Loved One Has HIV/AIDS

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Reged: 11/11/07
Posts: 58
Neighbor has been given her "time remaining"...
      #242033 - 09/14/08 04:09 AM

To start off, if any of you remember, I married a poz man while I am neg. We have a friend who lives nextdoor that we met when we moved in. Over the past 6 months, she and I got alot closer and talked about things more. I knew she had Hep C and was going threw treatments, but then my husband told me that she was also HIV Poz. I cried. I didn't know what to do. The two closest people in my like have HIV and one is going to be dying soon. This was about two months ago.

Well tonight she told me that her liver has been really bad, and her last treatment option she went threw last week had failed. She then said that the Dr. gave her the "time remaining" (she didn't tell me what it was, nor did I ask). She said she feels like something is wrong, and her stomach is already starting to lbe bloated, while she is normally fairley flat stomached.

My point is that I don't know what to do, say, how to react or what to feel. My husband spoke as if it didn't bother him. I almost started balling. My husband told me that when they give you the "time remaining", it means that you usually have 6 months or less to live. ARE YOU SERIOUS? She has an 18 year old son who's gone kicked out of the Army for drugs and is rebelling against his Mom. She also has a 7 year old daughter that has the same name as my daughter, is only a year younger than my daughter, and is best friends with my daughter. The daughter seems to be clueless, so I respect that and don't talk about anything in front of her. They have friends an hour away that the little girl spend every weekend with. Her Aunt I think, or a good family friend. Wil she go live there? Will my daughter loose her best friend and the only good kid in our bad neighborhood? Or will the daughter stay here with the Mom's boyfriend?

I'm confused and don't know what to do. Can someone help me with how I should react or feel? I told her that if she ever needs a ride, a babysitter or just wants to hang out, I'm always available. Should I stay back or help more? Please help me out. Thank you very much.

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Reged: 12/21/05
Posts: 1390
Re: Neighbor has been given her "time remaining"... new
      #242040 - 09/14/08 06:20 PM

Its a tough one...I of my friends has just been given "time remaining" one month or less. The first thing I did was call the person who has been taking care of him and ask what is happening and what I should know.
In this case you dont say anything about what services she (your neighbor) is hooked up with an AIDS SERVICE ORGANIZATION. She should have a social worker assigned to her. If not she should get one.Pronto!
If you are not close to her family ( sister, husband whatever), I think you need to try and find out what their approach is...if they have one...that will give you an idea of how you should deal with your friend. You ask: " Should I stay back or help more?" So talk to her family if you can and ask this question. Are they doing these things for her...the baby sitting and etc.
If she has no family around her...just friends like you...perhaps you can get some of them together and form a "support and care" group.
When my former partner was very ill, before he died, I had a small group of his friends take turns with being with him. We had a schedule and the calendar was marked with who was going to do what ....Wednesday Jim would come over to play cards...Saturday Frank would take him to a movie. So on. Also he had regular visits fron his social worker whose job it was to access how sick he was and if he needed more care.

Good luck.

6 ft tall poz bear in Philadelphia

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Reged: 11/11/07
Posts: 58
Viral Load of 6 new
      #242047 - 09/15/08 05:08 AM

I found out today that she actually does have full blown AIDS. And her Viral Load is like 6. She looks really bad.

Thank you for your responce Bear. I appriciate it very much. I know she has a social worker, but I'm also going to look more for a support group. I live in Rochester MN, home of the Mayo Clinic. The odd thing is that there are NO HIV/AIDS SUPPORT GROUPS THROUGH THE HOSPITAL/CLINIC SYSTEM!!!

Tomorrow when I get off of work I might go talk to her for a bit. Ask her if I should help more or back off. Maybe have a night where she and her daughter and myself and my daughter can have a girls evening with board games and stuff.

My Mom told me not to get involved and to stay back. She means it for the good though cause I tend to attach myself to those who have much sickness in life. I like to help, support and make better. My parents called me Mother Teresa when I was younger.

My husband and her are the first two people I know with HIV. I didn't expect to loose one of them so quick when all I try to think about is how my husband is going to grow old along with me and not pass early.

This sucks.

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Reged: 05/13/07
Posts: 435
Loc: Phila,Pa
Re: Viral Load of 6 new
      #242183 - 09/21/08 11:21 PM

Carrie I think it's great that you want to help her,I'm sure just knowing that she has such a caring neighbor is a big help to her.I would ask her what she needs/wants in terms of help,let her know you're there for her.Some people have trouble asking for help so maybe just keep your eyes open to see if there's anything that you could do to help out with housework,babysitting,cooking stuff like that.
Good luck to you as you try to help her and her family,I'm sure it will be hard on you when you lose her.Take care of yourself too,OK?

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Reged: 04/17/08
Posts: 5
Loc: Buffalo,NY
Re: Viral Load of 6 new
      #242184 - 09/22/08 01:10 AM

Support her, Love her and pray for her. No One goes before their appointed time. This is not the time to be thinking of yourself.

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