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Family and Friends >> My Loved One Has HIV/AIDS

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evenstephen
Newbie

Reged: 03/31/08
Posts: 4
Loc: Austin, TX
In a blink of an eye- my world changed...
      #238159 - 03/31/08 05:42 PM

My partner and I have had 3 rough years and it culminated two weeks ago with his diagnoses of AIDS. His low T CELL count- and viral load mixed with his P.A.D. has found him in the hospital for the last week. He had an artery bypass in his right leg to keep it from getting amputated. (Something we already went through 2 years ago with his left leg.) Strangely, I'm not a sobbing mess. But I need some pointers because I recently got my results and I am negative. I'm not sure I'm ready for this. Does anyone have any pointers, or ideas on how to make sure the future is comfortable and healthy for the both of us?

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oldwoman
Guardian

Reged: 05/12/07
Posts: 435
Loc: Phila,Pa
Re: In a blink of an eye- my world changed... new
      #238179 - 04/01/08 05:33 PM

Find a support group in you area,get all the support you can,check with the Dr,social worker,AIDS service organizations,here and ask the Dr's here,watch what you get on the computer though cause some things are out of date and some are just plain wrong,anything that has NIH with it is usually good,that is National Institute of Health,but still check how old it is information changes fast with HIV.Did you know he had HIV before the AIDS or is this all new to you?take care of yourself,relax and give yourselves both a chance to take in this news before you do anything rash or make any big decisions.
Terry

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Choosing2Liv
Legend

Reged: 03/21/06
Posts: 581
Loc: South
Re: In a blink of an eye- my world changed... new
      #238204 - 04/02/08 10:28 AM

Terry has given you some excellent advice. I'd encourage you to take it.

Best of luck to you.
Gary

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evenstephen
Newbie

Reged: 03/31/08
Posts: 4
Loc: Austin, TX
Re: In a blink of an eye- my world changed... new
      #238217 - 04/02/08 06:05 PM

Thanks for that.. He tested negative several times in the last 3 years - I'm not sure how that happened.. I have yet to meet his doctor, but I will be going with him next week. I will look into local services here. I really appreciate your advice.

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Monchhichi
Guru

Reged: 02/07/05
Posts: 248
Loc: Florida
Re: In a blink of an eye- my world changed... new
      #238224 - 04/03/08 03:49 AM

I have been with my husband going on 11 years. He has AIDS. "In the blink of an eye" will be a catchphrase you use quite often. Yes, find support groups (I personally have never done that just because his doc and mine feel I am handling it well, to each his own), keep up with his health by going to appointments with him. Will the future be comfortable and healthy? No. As simple as that. You are going to have some days that scare the living hell out of you. You will also have MANY days that feel like heaven on Earth. I am negative by the way. Get tested every six months while in this relationship. Make sure you laugh often, you never know when that moment comes that the laughter will stop momentarily. Hospital stays...make them memorable and as fun as can be. A hint to get the nurses to treat you like gold, (especially if he is a repeat visitor to that hospital) when it is time to go home (and if you have the money)buy cookies and stuff like that with a thank you card. EVERYONE remembers my husband and caters to him when he is in. We now just bring the goodies with us and give it to them during our stay. I stay with him the whole time he is in. The biggest thing I can tell you...when things are good take a long deep breath and enjoy it...if this is truly what you want to do then do it with your whole heart. If you can't put your whole heart into it walk away before you break his heart. He will know you are not 100% invested. I wish the both of you luck and you are in my thoughts.

--------------------
Never forget: Life is too precious to take for granted.


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Florida69
Legend

Reged: 02/19/07
Posts: 541
Re: In a blink of an eye- my world changed... new
      #238228 - 04/03/08 08:48 AM

That was great advice, there monchich (oh so soft and cuddly). Life is hard with or without HIV, you have to move forward and keep your eyes on the horizon. Life, laugh, love not necessarily in that order. I do at least one if not all three everyday.. D

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evenstephen
Newbie

Reged: 03/31/08
Posts: 4
Loc: Austin, TX
Re: In a blink of an eye- my world changed... new
      #238240 - 04/03/08 05:53 PM

Wow, your post really hit me. Thanks for your honesty and good advice. Our recent hospital stay was ok, and the nurses definitely will remember us- my partner's birthday came and went in the hospital and all the nurses got cake...He kept a great sense of humor. I didn't stay the night- but was there everyday for hours. We have been together for over 8 years and I'm not leaving him now. He needs my love more than ever, and I, his...

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Monchhichi
Guru

Reged: 02/07/05
Posts: 248
Loc: Florida
Re: In a blink of an eye- my world changed... new
      #238242 - 04/03/08 08:09 PM

Then you will definitely succeed! You have the right attitude to go the long haul. You are gonna have your days when you feel like giving up. Just walk away for a bit and you can do what I do or pick something that works for you. I personally punch a LOT of pillows and go where there is no one around and scream with all my heart and cry until there is no more pain...lots of cursing and curses. I do hide a lot of my fears from my husband but the newest lesson I have learned (you will continually learn something new all the time!)is to not hide everything from him. I don't want him to feel my pain but I have learned he can handle some of it and it takes some off of my back. Keep talking to him, us. Never stop talking about it, don't internalize it. Spontaneous combustion may occur.....hehe

--------------------
Never forget: Life is too precious to take for granted.


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cllongwell
Newbie

Reged: 04/10/08
Posts: 1
Re: In a blink of an eye- my world changed... new
      #238411 - 04/10/08 11:29 PM

I am a woman who was married to someone else. A friend of mine was diagnosed with HIV in 2002. I was interested in him before, things didn't work out as I wanted them to and I married another man. Well, after my friend was diagnosed, I left the man I was married to;to be with my friend who I have now been married to for a while. Things are good, I am negative. I used to get tested every 2 months(of course we use protection). But, It has been 6 years now and I am still Negative and he of course positive. You can have a healthy relationship and remain safe and unifected. I just wish that more people believed that. I have had a few people close to me die from the disease including my children's grandmother, and a best friends mom( all who caught it a different way) My husband caught it from the 3rd woman that he had ever slept with. That didn't seem to fair to me because I know alot of people in my area who are sleeping around and sharing neddles, but it happened to a great person. I love him, I am sure that you will find the strength to be there and do what you believe is the right thing. I will pray for you and hope that you can be stong. God Bless.

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mdprdu
Member

Reged: 06/03/08
Posts: 10
Re: In a blink of an eye- my world changed... new
      #239658 - 06/03/08 05:14 AM

What? You can test negative even when he's been living with it for years? Is this because of the medications or is there some flaw in the test?

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Jackie__Blue
Legend

Reged: 01/20/07
Posts: 1186
Re: In a blink of an eye- my world changed... new
      #239661 - 06/03/08 06:21 AM

It's not unusual. Even on here there are cases of one partner finding out they are positive after years of unprotected sex, yet the other partner has remained negative.

Transmission of HIV is not a sure thing. It's a fragile virus.


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mdprdu
Member

Reged: 06/03/08
Posts: 10
Re: In a blink of an eye- my world changed... new
      #239692 - 06/04/08 04:54 AM

No, I meant to ask is it possible to test negative after having tested positive? According to this post, he's been living with it for over a decade and is testing negative. Did I misread?

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Jackie__Blue
Legend

Reged: 01/20/07
Posts: 1186
Re: In a blink of an eye- my world changed... new
      #239697 - 06/04/08 08:26 AM

Oh that. I didn't see where it said he'd been infected for a decade. There really isn't anyway to tell how long someone has been infected. Just guesstimates. There really isn't any way to tell if what the poster said was accurate. He said he tested negative over the last several years. Was that accurate? Who knows.

When exactly was the last time he actually tested? Two months before? 2.5 years before? Exactly how many tests?

And of course the biggie and the most common cause of someone 'suddenly' becoming HIV+ that has been in a monogamous relationship. Think about it. They have been together for 8 years, why then did his partner start testing for HIV only 3 years ago? For some it might be easier to let their partners think they have some weird HIV test results than admit to cheating.

People test positive when they have HIV.

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mdprdu
Member

Reged: 06/03/08
Posts: 10
Re: In a blink of an eye- my world changed... new
      #239707 - 06/04/08 11:16 AM

I'm not trying to read into their personal lives as much as just trying to understand how common it is for someone who is positive to test negative and vice versa. But thanks for the response.

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Jackie__Blue
Legend

Reged: 01/20/07
Posts: 1186
Re: In a blink of an eye- my world changed... new
      #239709 - 06/04/08 11:45 AM

Quote:

...to understand how common it is for someone who is positive to test negative and vice versa.




That's what I'm trying to tell you. It isn't common at all. The overwhelming majority of people that are HIV+ will test positive by 6 WEEKS. Something like 99.9% by 3 months.

It's also not common for a postive ELISA to be confirmed false by the Western Blot.

I'm not sure how this all fits into helping your friend. It's better to accept the facts than to give false hope.

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