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Family and Friends >> My Loved One Has HIV/AIDS

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happylight20
Newbie

Reged: 11/20/07
Posts: 2
Loc: Wisconsin
Discontorted Couple( I have lots of questions)
      #233780 - 11/20/07 08:48 PM

Well this is a first for me, so i am dating a man who is hiv+, I however am Hiv-. I have tons of questions about hiv, transmission, and weather i can really handle being in love with a man who is positive. I really do love the guy, but i am so paranoid about catching the virus. I do not mean to sound like a horrible person, but even my own doctor has tried talking me out of this relationship. My partner has just newly found out he was positive shortly before we had started seeing each other, so he is fairly new to this and dealing with this. So if there are other mixed status couples that would like to give advice, or anyone for that matter, it would be greatly appreciated.
thank you much


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Carrie
Fanatic

Reged: 11/11/07
Posts: 58
Re: Discontorted Couple( I have lots of questions) new
      #233797 - 11/21/07 01:43 AM

Hi there! I understand your questions and concerns. I started dating my boyfriend a few weeks ago. He found out this past summer that he's positive (I'm negative). It is hard sometimes, but I really try to focas on the good things. He hasn't done much research into HIV, so we do it together. It seems to help us bond alot. There are serious issues my family is having with him an I being together (mostly because of other issues) but I'm sticking by his side while he sticks by mine.

We're in love with eachother and don't hide anything. If he has a fear or concern about something, he shares it with me and vice versa.

For me it can be very scary at times. Honestly, the thought does slip into my mind about what kind of long term relationship we can have and our "unusual" and sometimes unacceptable circumstance. But then I wipe it away and concentrate on today and today only.

But you know what? I love him no matter if he's positive or negative. And I'm blessed that he's allowed me to be a part of his life.

I hope you stick around here to see others replies. I just joined a few weeks ago and am learning ALOT! Keep us updated!!!

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Crystal
Member

Reged: 09/06/07
Posts: 21
Loc: Washington DC
Re: Discontorted Couple( I have lots of questions) new
      #233803 - 11/21/07 05:56 AM

I don’t post often here in these forums but I wanted to say good for you both. Happylight20 and Carrie. I have been HIV+ for going on 20 years and am going to be getting married next June to the love of my life who is HIV-

It sounds like both of you and your partners are just finding your way. As for the long term keep in mind that anyone of us can walk across the street and be hit by a bus or something… try not to dwell on what if, I’ve lived a hell of a lot longer than I thought I would and still going strong. So be happy for what you have. If there’s anything questions that I can answer ask away.



Best of luck and have a wonderful holliday,
Crystal


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franfrog
Legend

Reged: 01/05/06
Posts: 1342
Loc: NJ
Re: Discontorted Couple( I have lots of questions) new
      #233807 - 11/21/07 07:47 AM

Well congratulations. I myself am poz and my husband of almost 5 years is negative. I figured I have been poz for 10 years but only found out my status 3 years ago. (this will go to prove always get tested) Anyway, I felt like he would not want to put himself at risk and I did not want to put him at risk so he would be out the door. No, he went nowhere. If you practice safe sex, that is what it says....safe! It will take a little getting educated on. Latex condoms used poperly and a water based lube is the best protection. This can work, and if he is good to you and he is worth the learning...Do it!

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Bear60
Legend

Reged: 12/21/05
Posts: 1390
Re: Discontorted Couple( I have lots of questions) new
      #233864 - 11/22/07 10:51 AM

Happy
First....its called sero-discordant, not "discontorted". Although discontorted is probably how you feel right now.

If it was me you were dating....I would ask that you be willing to make a commitment to accept me for who I am ....with HIV. If the relationship is to fail ......let it be for other reasons. HIV may make life more complicated....but it does not change who I am. If you cannot focus on acceptance and are very paranoid all the time it will only make yours and his life depressing and add to the problems.
If you are both spiritual....pray for guidance.
If not....perhaps seeing a counselor will be a good thing.
I would also have to ask....why did your doctor discourage you? Is it because he is prejudiced or because he knows you are?


--------------------
6 ft tall poz bear in Philadelphia

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Monchhichi
Guru

Reged: 02/07/05
Posts: 248
Loc: Florida
Re: Discontorted Couple( I have lots of questions) new
      #234025 - 11/29/07 01:05 AM

It has been sooo long since I have posted but I wanted to post to this. I myself am married to a wonderful man who just happens to be HIV+. It doesn't make him who he is. Same as it doesn't have to make what your relationship is about. Yes, you do have to be more careful, that is a given. PLease read back through some of my posts from "yesteryears". :D I can't promise it will always be smoooth sailing but to me that is with ANY couple. Me and my husband have been together 10 years and I am still negative. I wouldn't trade those years for anything. If you need a shoulder I am here. I can try and answer any questions you may have. If i don't know the answer I will try to find it for you. When I was down and out this place helped me pick up the pieces. I just want to do the same in return.

--------------------
Never forget: Life is too precious to take for granted.


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Monchhichi
Guru

Reged: 02/07/05
Posts: 248
Loc: Florida
Re: Discontorted Couple( I have lots of questions) new
      #234027 - 11/29/07 01:21 AM

I wanted to add one more thing...MY doc tried to talk me out of being with my husband. I promptly found another doc! :D NO ONE can make your decisions for you. You may ask this doc..."WHY??????? Give me ONE good reason why?" The chance of transmission will be the answer. (Personally I would then say "Don't insult my intelligence. Yes, I am PURPOSEFULLY looking to seroconvert.") Yes, I know there are the people who do "chase" the virus...still makes no sense to me but I doubt you are one of those people. Also there are SO many cases of people who are in a serodiscordant relationship that don't contract the virus. It personally pisses me off that a doctor would be that ignorant. Arm yourself with knowledge and NO ONE can take you down. My fave from others that I have dealt with..."Don't you respect yourself enough to not put yourself in that situation?" My answer to that..."What situation? Love?"

--------------------
Never forget: Life is too precious to take for granted.


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