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Reged: 07/09/07
Posts: 1
My Brother Tested HIV Positive
      #228633 - 07/09/07 07:51 PM

I really don't know what to say or how to talk to him about it. How do I start without falling apart in the process? The irony is that we're twins and it tears me apart. I always knew he needed to be safe, but I know he's lived a dangerous lifestyle. The time for passing judgement is over, I just want him to know I'm there when he needs me.

My wife and I and the entire immediate family are unsure of what to mom's in denial.

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Reged: 05/24/07
Posts: 380
Re: My Brother Tested HIV Positive new
      #228634 - 07/09/07 08:01 PM

that is really cool that you are there for your bro you should keep on keepin on I do not have HIV but have learned allot about it and from what I have seen here he probably can still have long life span with the new meds and stuff coming down the pipe line maybe if you show your mom this site and some of the stories here she will get a better grip on things good luck sorry to here about your bro

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Reged: 01/20/07
Posts: 1186
Re: My Brother Tested HIV Positive new
      #228635 - 07/09/07 08:04 PM

Hey PJ, I'm sorry to hear about your brother.

My mom had a bit of denial when I first told her. It will sink in.

I think you already have said what your next course of action should be.

"The time for passing judgement is over, I just want him to know I'm there when he needs me."

Tell him that and then step back and let him tell you what he needs.

I know this is a lot for you and your family to wrap your minds around, but your brother is very lucky to have support from his family. Not every does and it makes it harder for a person that is newly diagosis.

I've been HIV postive since 1996. One thing I've learned. It all works out. Life goes on.

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Reged: 03/27/06
Posts: 247
Loc: San Antonio, Texas
Re: My Brother Tested HIV Positive new
      #228767 - 07/18/07 02:13 PM

I think the most important thing for your brother to know is that he has the support of his family. That is the most important part of being able to handle the shock of a diagnosis. You might try visiting your local AIDS foundation for some counseling services and find out what an HIV-diagnosis really means and also for a recommendation of an expert infectious disease specialist in your area, which is very important.

Secondly, if your brother needs some type of rehabilitation (drugs, alcholol, etc.) to overcome his dangerous lifestyle then you should make sure he gets it. He should use this diagnosis as an opportunity to turn his life around and begin to live healthier. This includes quitting smoking.

Lastly, you should also start researching HIV so you can have a better understanding of the condition and be able to control your own emotions when you talk to him and offer him the rational and educated support he needs. I think straightforward and honest conversation between you and him is best.

I have included (below) some links to answers from some of the infectious disease experts from this website. Dr. Daar is particularly good and would encourage you to look through his column as is the column that includes Dr. Young. Also, you should peruse the "just diagnosed" section of this website. The information is confusing at first but understanding comes in bits and pieces.

It's important to know that you continue living life with HIV just like folks do with diabetes and heart disease. You just need to manage the condition with medication and occasional visits to the doctor. Additionally, not everyone needs to know he has HIV and most people have no interest in knowing anyway, just like you probably have no interest in knowing if your co-worker has genital warts. HIV care is advancing quite rapidly. I am hopeful we can expect a breakthrough in the medium term.

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