Advertisement
The Body: The Complete HIV/AIDS Resource
Follow Us Follow Us on Facebook Follow Us on Twitter Download Our App
Professionals >> Visit The Body PROThe Body en Espanol

Family and Friends >> My Loved One Has HIV/AIDS

Pages: 1
jcc
New User

Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2
Intimacy with positive partner
      #226559 - 04/12/07 06:51 PM

Hi and thanks for taking the time to read my question. I am female and hiv negative and in a relationship with a wonderful man who is hiv positive. we have been together 6 months. I care about him very deeply, but I have had great difficulty coming to terms with the HIV. I think about it almost constantly, spend evening after evening browsing the internet for information which I have already read over and over again, and I can't bring myself to have a physical relationship with him, even though I love him. I feel really bad for not being able to overcome these feelings, and I have had counselling with a local hiv charity to help me work through it, but it hasn't really helped. I wish I could feel differently about sex with him, but I think it would be wrong for me to have sex with him when I don't feel comfortable about it. I also spend day after day worrying about the future and how HIV may affect us. He doesn't seem to feel the same way I do, but is very positive-minded and gets on with his life without giving it too much thought. Because he seems so fine, I don't really want to burden him with all my worries when maybe the best thing for him is not to dwell on HIV, but to get on with living his life (he's in perfect health). My question is 1), has anyone else been in this situation and found a way around it, and 2) what do I do about being upable to give him a sexual relationship? With previous partners, whose status I didn't know, I used condoms, but on numerous occasions they broke or came off despite our best efforts. I can't overcome the fear that if this happens with him I could become infected. Would it be fairer of me to end the relationship (rather than leave the burden of that decision with him) so that he could find someone who could give him a full relationship?
Thank you in advance for any advice you may have.
I wish all readers the best in their own lives.

J

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
franfrog
Veteran

Reged: 01/05/06
Posts: 1342
Loc: NJ
Re: Intimacy with positive partner new
      #226561 - 04/12/07 07:58 PM

J
welcome to the forums and understandf you are not the only one with this concern. I myself am a poz female married to a negative man. I too have gone through and still think about the consequences. The thing you have to remember is that all the literature you read up on is going to give you information but not make YOU any more comfortable then you yourself can be. If this is a fear you can not get over and be intimate with him then that is between you and he to decide if you should give him that space.
Myself I have to say that sex is safe if you take precautions and unless you are comfortable it will not be fun. If you can not feel comfortable then there is no sexual relationship. If you BOTH can live with that so be it but I do not think you can.
I do not want to sound harsh so please do not take me the wrong way. I guess bluntly I am trying to say all the inforamtion that you have read is not making you comfortable then no one will.

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
jcc
New User

Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2
Re: Intimacy with positive partner new
      #226567 - 04/13/07 02:54 AM

hello
i just wanted to thank you for your honest and straightforward advice.
I just wanted to clarify one point, which maybe was a bit vague in my original post....
At the moment, we have decided to continue together and see how things progress, but he has made it clear that one of the things he seeks in a long term relationship is the opportunity to make love with his partner, and if we can't have that then the relationship will end. I completely understand and appreciate his point of view, and don't want to make him feel that just because he is HIV + he should compromise on what he needs in a relationship.
For myself, although i'm sure it would bring issues to the relationship which would need addressing, I'm happy to try a relationship without sex if it means I can be with him.

Once again, I greatly appreciate you sharing your views with me.

J

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
franfrog
Veteran

Reged: 01/05/06
Posts: 1342
Loc: NJ
Re: Intimacy with positive partner new
      #226574 - 04/13/07 07:40 AM

j
I want to also say that I commend you for sticking by this man. I totally understand both points. As a poz woman I still wish we did not have to be intimate because I do not want to take the chance. As a woman and a wife I know it is not something that can be without. For that moment when we start it is very awkward but once I see that things are safe, he is protected then I sit back and enjoy just as he will!
Defenitly make sure you read all the information and undestand it. Do not over read it though! Know what you can and can not do. Latex condoms with water based lube is your best protection. Make sure the condoms fot him not to tight and defenitly not to loose. DO NOT double up on condoms as that will cause friction and more likely to break. That is pretty much what you need of all the stuff you read.

Good luck and I hope things go well for both of you.

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
dengirl
New User

Reged: 04/17/07
Posts: 4
Loc: Victoria, BC
Re: Intimacy with positive partner new
      #226763 - 04/22/07 07:12 AM

I so relate to your post in that I am a negative status, in love with a positive. Me and my Dennis fell very hard for each other, very fast. I ended a 20 year marriage and threw myself into a happy, healthy relationship. With one exception ... HIV. He is going on 19 years with the disease but you would never know it. His positive attitued was what first attracted me to him.

Sometimes I think I am a fool for setting myself up for HIV grief but for the most part I feel like I couldnt be any smarter than signing up for LOVE for as long as I can have it.

Den and I make love at least twice a day. I never worry about contracting the disease .... I worry about the day he isnt there to make love to.

Happy trails....
Dawn

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
july30
New User

Reged: 07/31/07
Posts: 1
Re: Intimacy with positive partner new
      #229026 - 07/31/07 08:14 AM

Thank yuo SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much for your post. I found out yesterday that the love of my life is HIV+. I want to stay with him and support him (I also have three children from a previous marriage). I don't even know how to act, to be close, to give space to talk about it or leave him be for a while.

I'm so confused.........maybe you can help?

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
crepuscular
New User

Reged: 12/05/07
Posts: 5
Re: Intimacy with positive partner new
      #234258 - 12/07/07 09:01 AM

I am in a similar situation. I am an HIV negative man with an HIV positive girlfriend. I share your concern about infection and can really identify with what you're feeling. I have really fallen for this woman and would like her to be a permanent part of my life. It's strange trying to come to terms with this... there will always be boundaries in the physical side of our relationship and some element of risk. But I love this woman so much I'm willing to take the chance. I wish there was something I could say that would help you gain some clarity and/or acceptance of the situation... I guess if love is real and strong enough it can overcome just about anything. But if you're not sure the two of you can work around the HIV issue and be together it would probably be best to leave soon rather than later when you're that much more attached to each other. It's just my opinion but I think if you're really in love with someone nothing else matters. But that kind of love is rare. I hope my reply has been at least a little helpful.
best wishes

ryan

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Pages: 1


What's New at TheBody.com

Additional Information
0 registered and 1 anonymous users are browsing this forum.

Moderator:  TheBody, bogart, crabman, riverprincess 

Permissions
      You cannot start new topics
      You cannot reply to topics
      HTML is enabled
      UBBCode is enabled

Thread views: 7698

 
Jump to

Contact Us | Privacy Statement The Body

*
UBB.threads™ 6.2.3

Advertisement