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bellamonkey
Newbie

Reged: 09/06/01
Posts: 1
+/- relationship >> want a baby
      #21992 - 09/06/01 02:42 PM

I'm in a poz/neg relationship (i am the female neg/partner is poz male). We would like to start a family soon and have begun to research ways to make this possible. It seems that the least risky way is through sperm washing + invitro, although this is not offered in many places and is very pricey. (im in canada).

I am wondering if anyone else has gone through this procedure or any other method that you would like to share with me. I know of no other hiv couples except for those I meet online, and would like to chat with someone that has gone through this before....





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Anonymous
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Re: +/- relationship >> want a baby new
      #22052 - 09/07/01 07:28 PM

its bellamonkey here... just didnt log on....

Why do so many ppl view this, yet nobody responds? Is that the norm on these boards, or does nobody honestly have a response? Just curious. Thanks!



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Anonymous
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Re: +/- relationship >> want a baby new
      #22177 - 09/10/01 09:29 AM

Hi bella,

I have no advice for you, just wanted to let you know that yes, it is the norm that many will view and few will respond. I would like to say good luck to you in whatever you decide to do. :)



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Anonymous
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Re: +/- relationship >> want a baby new
      #22774 - 09/26/01 05:44 PM

That's the safest way. The other way is IUI where they take his sperm from him and wait for you to ovulate and then wash his sperm and put it inside of you. But it's hard to find a clinic who will do it. Is he undetectable?



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Anonymous
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Re: +/- relationship >> want a baby new
      #23202 - 10/10/01 12:18 PM

Bellamonkey,
I,like you,am in a tough situation. My husband is+ and I am neg. I have been wanting children all my life and when i fell in love and got married i thought that there were no chances for children. I am only 22yrs old and so afraid. I have no one to talk to except my husband. Its hard to talk to him about it because he want's children so badly. I have been to several doctors and none of which have been supportive to us. I would love to talk to someone who has had children too. I've heard of sperm washing but don't know alot about it. I can't even talk to my family because they do not know the situation I'm in. Thank you so much! God bless you and your husband.




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Ivy Lady
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Re: +/- relationship >> want a baby new
      #23795 - 10/25/01 12:56 PM

I'm sorry to hear you haven't had much response. Unfortunately I don't have any answers, mostly the same questions. My husband has AIDS and I do not, we have an 11 month old son, conceived and born before we knew about my husband's condition. We both love being parents and definately want to have more children. It is difficult to talk about with my husband because I don't want him to blame himself any more than he already does and it's difficult to talk to my mom (we're very close) b/c I know she loves being a grandma and wants more too. These are some of the things we have considered:
-Overseas adoption - fewer restrictions
-Invitro w/ donated sperm
-Invitro w/ his sperm(the risk to the baby comes if the mother is infected so if we don't have unprotected sex then I won't be infected therefore the baby won't either - I need to do more research on this one)
-Use of an ovulation kit to have unprotected sex only when I'm most likely to conceive. We were together for almost 4 years before we found out and were having unprotected sex when his viral load was at 90,000 so we're weighing the risks of 1 or 2 times now that his viral load is undectable.
This is a very difficult issue. On the one hand you want to be parents but on the other hand if you risk giving a child AIDS before it's even born are you being a responsible parent. I wish you luck and if you get any answers from another source please post them here.
THANKS, TAKE CARE & GOOD LUCK



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arabelle
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Re: +/- relationship >> want a baby new
      #23844 - 10/26/01 12:08 AM

I have heard that sperm washing is more commonly available in Italy, but is not common in the U.S. because of liability issues. I've also heard that it may take several efforts and may not work in a reasonable amount of tries. This is perhaps due to the in vitro part of the procedure. Not sure.Also--I read that sperm washing cannot provide 100% guarantee of infection-free sperm, though you can assess risk throughout pregnancy by DNA HIV testing. (I believe this is because a fetus cannot be infected if the mother is not.)

There is one doctor I read about referenced via info on this site who has a mobile lab and does this procedure. You may want to dig around a bit here or do an Internet search.

Another option, if possible and desirable, is sperm donorship from a brother of your husband. A simpler, less costly procedure.

Best of luck to you.





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Anonymous
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Re: +/- relationship >> want a baby new
      #23948 - 10/29/01 11:58 AM

My husband is Hiv+and has hemophilia, I am -. We want a child so badly but are very confused about what to do. I am only 22 and can't imagine not being a mother. We want to try naturally. I know that this may sound selfish but we have weighed all of our options and this seems to be the right one. We want to do adoption but no adoption agency is going to give us a child under my husbands conditions. I think about our unborn child everyday, He has a right to be healthy, but at the same time, this doesn't take away our love for wanting a child. If there is anyone who wants to talk about this please write back. My husbands counts are low enough this month to try. I'm very worried that we will be making a mistake and hurting the baby in the end. I am not worried that i may get it, I just want our baby to be healthy. Thank you so much. Please write back.



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Ivy Lady
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Re: +/- relationship >> want a baby new
      #27333 - 01/24/02 01:26 PM

It's been a while since I checked in, unfortunately I don't see any new answers just the same questions. We have started looking into 2 options for having another child and this is what I have found so far.
1. Don't rule out adoption because of an HIV+ status. Every state is different, but from what I've found so far they will want statements from my husbands doctors on his current health and his prognosis (both good). My inspiration for starting the research comes from a story I read here on The Body about an HIV+ man in his forties who adopted an infant he had been providing foster care for. This gives me immense hope.
2. IUI - Intra-uterine Insemination. Sperm comes from a donor and at the right time in your cycle (naturally or drug induced) the sperm is inserted. This is cheaper than IVF. I don't know what the success rate is though. I tried looking up INFERTILITY and FERTILITY on the internet and found a wealth of info I haven't had a chance to sort through yet.
Don't give up hope, and don't get stuck on the idea that a child has to have the genetics of both of you. I have 2 close friends who are adopted, it's a wonderful thing.



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Jen
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Re: +/- relationship >> want a baby new
      #27730 - 02/03/02 12:24 AM

I, too, am in the same situation as you. My husband is (+) and I am (-). We have a 3 year old daughter--beautiful and HEALTHY! We found out he was + when she was 7 mos old. I have been tested every six months since them and am still (-). I had wanted another baby desperately but had pretty much ruled it out. Recently we had decided to try to get pregnant on our own--without all the sperm washing and IVF stuff. Although it may sound risky to some, we only had unprotected sex when I was ovulating (his viral load has been undetectable for over a year)--and lo and behold, I found out last week I'm prego!! I am so happy--my husband is worried sick. He worries everyday that I will get IT. I have an appt. at our clinic for Tuesday to be tested,once again. With any luck, I'm still (-). I haven't given much thought to the "What if..." I cringe at the possibility of passing it on to an unborn child..but could I actually go through with an abortion? To make matters more complicated, I am a Maternity Nurse. So I know what's involved with an abortion and I also know what's involved with caring for a sick child. It's a catch 22. Sorry this is so long-winded. I was just excited to hear of someone dealing with the same issues....we have kept my husband's status totally silent so I don't get to talk with anyone other than him...which is often hard cause sometimes you can't quite say the things you might want to say. Thanks for listening. I'd love to hear what's going on with you and your husband.
P.S. There's a clinic in Boston that does sperm-washing. I'll have to find the name. Let me know if you're interested.
Good luck and God bless!



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Ivy Lady
Unregistered

Re: +/- relationship >> want a baby new
      #27830 - 02/06/02 01:56 PM

CONGRATULATIONS!
I hope all goes well, you'll be in my thoughts.
I would give almost anything to be pregnant again. I loved being pregnant and I love being a mom. I have suggested trying what you have done, but my husband won't hear of it. He said he could never live with the guilt of denying our son both parents. We have a 15 month old (he was 5 1/2 months when we found out about the HIV).
I know what you mean about not always being able to say what you really think or feel. We have been very open with most of the people in our lives and it makes a world of difference to be able to talk to someone about your fears and frustrations without worrying about adding to your loved ones worries. If you are interested in making connections to "talk or type" about HIV, marriage and parenting woes let me know. I check back here a least once a week and we can figure out a way to exchange e-mail addresses or phone numbers. I have wonderfully understanding friends and family, but it's not the same as talking to someone who's in the same situation.
Either way, keep us posted here on your pregnancy! GOOD LUCK :-)



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Anonymous
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Re: +/- relationship >> want a baby new
      #137914 - 03/13/05 08:18 AM

Hi
I also want to have a baby my husband is pos and i am neg. My husband loves children. I have already got a child from a previous relaionship. I have read that if your partner is undectable causes less chance of passing on the infecton if we have unprotected intercourse. I live in England and there is a hospital that carries out sperm washing, although very pricey. I also looked into sperm donar at our local hoispital but because i am alot over weight they told me i had to loose weight first before they were willing to help us. if anyone out there has conceived a child and still ok please left us know

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