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wife is thinking of leaving waiting on test result
#216944 - 12/04/06 07:46 PM
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I'm a 53 year old male who had an affair about 2 months back. I'm waiting on test results and I told my wife. I believe she is going to leave me. We have 2 daughters 15, 20 who I love very much. I so afraid. I've had all the symtoms, night sweets, fever, thrush, and I'm just so scared. My job is not that stable and I don't hardly have anything in the bank. My insurance is not yet come through and I can't get Cobra. I feel so alone, so afraid... Thanks for you help
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Take a deep breath. Now just wait it out. I have a feeling it wouldn't be surprising to find you and your wife had issues before all this, so while all this might be a catalyst, there's always the possiblity that another reason could cause your wife to leave, so don't beat yourself up. Instead try to figure out the why as in the 'why did this happen? I'm certainly not passing judgement. I'm just saying that introspection can enlighten us more than anything about the path our lives need to be on.
Now since you don't have results and nothing is certain in terms of HIV infection and it would seem that you don't have a loved one with HIV that you are trying to offer support. I would ask that you take all this over to the 'Am I Infected' forum which is a better venue for your issues at the moment.
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Thank you for replying.. I'm waiting on my PCR.. it's been horrible.. possible exposure about 2 months ago. I feel like such a looser. Especially at my age and all I had going for me, to think I may loose everything. Thanks once again!
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Hey man, nine months ago I wrote the same post. If you're like me, you will go through many emotional stages (disbelief, fear, confusion, hurt, anger-at yourself and your infector...). As the first poster said, BREATHE!
At this point there is no reason to spend time worrying. Use the energy to take care of yourself, educate yourself about the disease (even if you don't have it) and begin to prepare for the worst while you hope for the best.
If you'd like to communicate with me about details, you may send me a private message. If not, I'll be rooting for you and waiting to hear your results.
-Gary
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eleniel
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Guru
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Reged: 05/27/06
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Posts: 239
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Loc: Utah, USA
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I hope your test comes back negative, i really do.
But as I've said many times, symptoms don't mean shit. Don't jump to conclusions based off 'symptoms'. All you can do is wait for your test results.
In regards to your relationship problems? Well..if you had an affair a few months ago I'd say there was something already wrong with it and maybe it should end..
--------------------
6/29/2010: vl 68,000 cd4: 205
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HI Gary,
Thanks so much for the encouragemet. I still don't know if i'm positive. The doctor did a quantitative PCR, yet I heard these and not reliable. A couple of questions. Did your wife stay with you? Are you able to keep your job? Do you have kids?
I have 2 girls 15, 20. It breaks my heart to be so stupid. I've been sick now for 4 weeks. I've missed two weeks of work and their getting very upset.. I don't know what to do if I lose my job. Thanks for responding.
steve
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Hey,
Thanks for the advice. I hae a question and maybe you can answer. The doctor did a quantative PCR at my 7 week out and it came back negative. The VL test said 400 or below. Could I be infected and still have a VL below 400? I heard it is possible Thank you,
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PCR are not approved for diagonsis because they have a high rate of false postives. However, while a standard ELISA at 3 months is needed to confirm your status, having an undectectable viral load after 28 days pretty much means you don't have a thing to worry about.
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Thank you! I wasn't for sure since the test measued down to 400 copies.. I guess if I had HIV it would be higher then 400? don't you think?
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Hey Steve-
I'm sorry to hear about your inability to work and the other issues you're experiencing. Clearly, I can relate to what you're going thru.
I'd rather not divulge personal details about my family in an open forum; however, if you email me at Choosing2live@hotmail.com, I'll be happy to answer you.
Remember to take care of yourself. It will be hard to take care of your children and your life if you're stressed out and unhealthy. Just know that this rollercoaster ride will come to an end. Hold on, endure the hills and bumps, and you will survive.
Looking forward to hearing from you,
Gary
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An Affair. That's real nice guy. You have two daughters! A wife that trusted you. I hope that you two are not infected. But only for her sake. I am 25 and I was infected lastyear because I dated ( for 6 years ) a man I trusted who decided that he was into transexuals behind my back. If he would have told me, i would have glady left the relationship. But i was lied to as you have lied to your wife & daughters. And now I don't have a choice to live without this -F- ing disease. Stop thinking of yourself for once jerk
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P.S. I hope that she continues to come to her senses & does leave you
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debtex
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Legend
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Reged: 03/21/05
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How dare you anonymous come on here and bash someone who is hurt enough and coming for help. I understand the anger you harbor for the person who infected you.... believe me... I do. Because the man who infected me KNEW he had HIV and chose to lie about it. said he didnt have it, but KNEW he had tested years before and did. Did I HATE him at first for it. absolutely, but I've learned a couple of things..... and the same goes for you.... I dont care HOW .long you were together. Perhaps this guy had never been tested. You certainly cannot BLAME someone for something they DONT know they have. and two, YOU are responsible to keep yourself healthy..... Did you ask him to wear a condom OR take an hiv test together with you. If this was HIS fault, and only his, those would have been steps you would have taken in order to put the blame on someone OTHER than yourself.
This man is beating himself up enough, and doesn't need the ANGER from you, who is clearly just taking their anger out on SOMEONE because of being mad at someone who maybe didn't even intentionally hurt you. I hate it when women will get mad at my X (well, not really, cuz i loath him), but when they get so ANGRY that he didnt tell them his wife had hiv. WHY SHOULD HE. He didn't get hiv from me, may not have it. But if people are that concerned and care about THEMSELVES THAT MUCH, then they will do one or two things. INSIST ON CONDOM USE, or if the relationship is THAT meaningful, you'll talk about getting tested together, if you dont want to use condoms. My mom used to hate me for NOT blaming and hating the guy who infected me..... AND mind you, I had more right than most people, because he knew......but who do I find responsible for ME......nobody but ME!!
to the original poster, I know that response from her brought you down even more.....but you wouldnt be here if you didnt want help, I know you are beating yoruself up enough. but like one poster said, dont go by a PCR test. It is NOT the way to detect for hiv. Its been enough time past to get an antibody test. Get it over with. I am on your side. (and I am also the woman who's been cheated on by her husband, and got a different std, that husband didnt have hiv)..... but I am not going to kick you while you are already down. You need support...... and 95% of the GOOD people here will help see you thru.
please keep me informed. What do you think about an antibody test? have you taken one yet?
love and prayers,
Deb
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