Advertisement
The Body: The Complete HIV/AIDS Resource
Follow Us Follow Us on Facebook Follow Us on Twitter Download Our App
Professionals >> Visit The Body PROThe Body en Espanol
Read Now: Expert Opinions on HIV Cure Research

Family and Friends >> My Loved One Has HIV/AIDS

Pages: 1
Concerned Parent
Unregistered

Requesting a family member to get tested.
      #216160 - 11/28/06 03:54 PM

So here's the deal. My wife and I have two beautiful little ones, 1 and 3. We also have the holidays coming up, and a family visitor that engages in what we would consider to be very risky sexual behaviour. I don't need anyone to tell me anything about how transmission occurs, etc. because we're quite aware of HIV and AIDS , and it's transmission vehicles, etc.

What I do need to get is an opinion from anyone regarding what to do to request this family member to get tested, and if there are any other risks or variables that we need to watch out for, especially with two children that love this relative (i.e. jumping all over him, playing with him, kissing, hugging, etc.). For peace of mind around the house, and around our kids, as well as for us as well, because we love him.

This is a man that is heterosexual (as far as we know, but we're pretty sure), and would be considered a "womanizer". He's involved with a large amount of multiple partners and one-night stands on a regular (more than weekly) basis. He's the only one that really knows if he's using protection, and has recently been sterilized (to remove the pregnancy contingent). Driven by sex, i.e. sex addiction is quite likely. He's also very much living an "I don't want to live to 80 lifestyle.

Has anyone else had to ask a beloved family member to have testing done before they come to visit? If so, how, and when, etcetera. Any ideas to make this less of an intrusion, or less of a judgemental situation? Give us a hand.

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Requesting a family member to get tested. new
      #216185 - 11/28/06 07:13 PM

I had a great deal of anger well up in me as I read your post. A lot of anger. I get so tired of this type of narrow and uneducated viewpoint. All I could think about is the time, money, heart and soul that has gone into trying to educate the general public and reduce the stigma of HIV and I still see these types of posts. I guess so much we try to teach just falls on deaf ears.

Since this is all hypothetical, perhaps this should have gone on the 'Am I Infected" forum instead of one of the forums set up for people that are dealing with love ones that are actually living with this disease and trying to offer support.

Unless your 'beloved relative' is having sex with your children, in which case you have real problems, your children are not at risk.

I have rasied two children while living with HIV for the last 10 years. They lived in a household with not one, but two HIV+ parents. They are negative. Short of teaching them not to use my toothbrush or razor, like I'd want to share those things anyway, our home life is perfectly normal. We don't take special precautions. We don't need to....and that was per my doctor.

Your relative will not be putting your chirldren at risk

The fact you feel it necessary that he tests and see this as an issue at all says a lot about you

and I'm not sure if I'd feel too comfortable about what I was saying about myself......if it were me.


Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Requesting a family member to get tested. new
      #216231 - 11/29/06 06:22 AM

if i was that guy, i will reject your love completelly, you do not love with conditions, and worse with fear. unless he is abusing sexually your little ones, you are not, or them at risk at all. for more than you say that you are educated about hiv, you still far, far behind.

educate yourself better so you can hurt less with your ignorance.

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
eleniel
Guru

Reged: 05/27/06
Posts: 239
Loc: Utah, USA
Re: Requesting a family member to get tested. new
      #216448 - 11/30/06 11:40 PM

I read through your post

this is what I concluded:

Unless your kids are fucking him, using his toothbrush, or borrowing his razor, they're fine.

So unless you wanna do some one on one with this visitor, give it up.

You mention the ways HIV can be spread. Apparently YOU don't know shit about it.

And in regards to asking this person to get tested, I don't see how its any of YOUR fucking business.
YOU are an egotistical, self-centered ass! If HE wants to go around having unsafe sex with men OR women, its HIS business, not YOURS!

You think I give a damn where someone else sticks his dick?? As long as its not in me or my kids (if I had any) I couldn't care less.

I don't see why you should be so concerned, unless of course you've been taking it in the ass at night, or your little son/daughter decided to try giving a blow job

You make me sick

If you were MY family, I'd disown you. I'd be ashamed to even admit I knew you.

You're fucking scum.


--------------------
6/29/2010: vl 68,000 cd4: 205

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Requesting a family member to get tested. new
      #216484 - 12/01/06 08:17 AM

i do understand your point, it is the same as mine completelly, but with less bitterness.
life is too short to be that hard on people. see it this way, the only one getting aggravated and mad and by it damage it self hapiness is you.

do not change that i do agree with you, but can be put is a less bitter way.
god bless you.


Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
eleniel
Guru

Reged: 05/27/06
Posts: 239
Loc: Utah, USA
Re: Requesting a family member to get tested. new
      #216581 - 12/01/06 10:18 PM

i'll be bitter if I want.
People need to understand that behaving this way causes HARM to others...and nice, sweet, fluffy words don't convey that well enough.

--------------------
6/29/2010: vl 68,000 cd4: 205

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Requesting a family member to get tested. new
      #216632 - 12/02/06 08:59 AM

knock yourself out, i am not the one with angry heart, crude words, and bad feelings inside. two wrong will not make it right. no wonder things are like they are, people have lost their sense of care, respect, compassion.
so why the hell sometimes, including myself, we expect that from others...
two bags kiddo, one to bring, one to take.


Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
eleniel
Guru

Reged: 05/27/06
Posts: 239
Loc: Utah, USA
Re: Requesting a family member to get tested. new
      #217288 - 12/06/06 11:23 PM

*shrug* i accept responsibility for what I said.
And I stand by every word.

--------------------
6/29/2010: vl 68,000 cd4: 205

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Libertad
Guru

Reged: 10/02/06
Posts: 222
Many ways of being violent... new
      #217482 - 12/07/06 08:36 PM

Well, she's got a point (and not just one)!

Violence is not just being bitter, that's just being agressive... you attitude, Concerned parent, has a more dangerous violence (because it's dressed like concern and may pass unnoticed).

What's the problem with you relative's behaviour? "we're pretty sure he's heterosexual"... you really need somewhere else to put your nose in. No offence intended. You are nobody to judge anyone else's behaviour... neither am I.

And you don't have to be "promiscous" to be hiv+... and if you are... what?

Plus, you said not needing anyone to tell you how transmission occurs and so... you wouldn't be even asking this. If your relative is having sex with your kids or sharing needles with them... well, hiv would not be the first thing you should worry about...

Your kids love this guy... THEY do. I don't really think YOU do. You are concerned, but for your own self... because of your own fears... but "loving him" argument sounds much better, huh?

I have the weird sensation that this man is for you some kind "radiactive" nitroglicerine that should be handled with care... but, let's be honest... the one who believes is handling something like that treats it carefully NOT because of the nitroglicerine's welfare... but their own self. And people are not some dangerous stuff for being +.

It's your relative who should be concerned... being judged like that... you can't just make it look "less of a judgemental situation", it would be hypocrite. Beyond this other person... i'm afraid your kids would lose connection with somebody they sincerely love...

... don't rise them in fear (they'll be paying for that with their freedom all of their lives...)




--------------------
·LIB·

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
eleniel
Guru

Reged: 05/27/06
Posts: 239
Loc: Utah, USA
Re: Many ways of being violent... new
      #217522 - 12/07/06 11:45 PM

no shit

--------------------
6/29/2010: vl 68,000 cd4: 205

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Pages: 1


What's New at TheBody.com

Additional Information
0 registered and 1 anonymous users are browsing this forum.

Moderator:  TheBody, bogart, crabman, riverprincess 

Permissions
      You cannot start new topics
      You cannot reply to topics
      HTML is enabled
      UBBCode is enabled

Thread views: 7179

 
Jump to

Contact Us | Privacy Statement The Body

*
UBB.threads™ 6.2.3

Advertisement