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Family and Friends >> My Loved One Has HIV/AIDS

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gayguyinsf
Newbie

Reged: 10/22/06
Posts: 1
My partner is positive but can't tell anyone
      #212398 - 10/22/06 04:37 PM

My partner (in a stable, non-monogamous relationship) simply can't bring himself to tell anyone, even his closest friends, that he is positive (diagnosed almost a year now). I am willing to let him be the one who tells them, but I wonder if other folks in this situation have any advice. Do I bring the subject up? Do I push? Do I wait for him to decide that the time is right?

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: My partner is positive but can't tell anyone new
      #212405 - 10/22/06 07:20 PM

Let him move at his own pace. Disclosure is a touchy issue. Once the cat is out of the bag it can gain a life of it's own. Lack of control over who tells other people in this instance can be hard to deal with. When he gets more comfortable with himself living with HIV he will be ready to disclose. Until then, it seems he told the most important person in his life and that's enough.

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Bear60
Legend

Reged: 12/21/05
Posts: 1390
Re: My partner is positive but can't tell anyone new
      #212442 - 10/23/06 08:31 AM

Your his partner and you love him... right? Are you able to talk to him and try to work through this with him?

--------------------
6 ft tall poz bear in Philadelphia

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Survivor
Legend

Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: My partner is positive but can't tell anyone new
      #212537 - 10/24/06 12:03 AM

This is his decision.. Disclosure is a very dramatic peice to a +ve person... In this day and age, disclosure is something that can take the back burner until he is ready.. I would recomend you dont approach the subject and let him deal with how and when as well as if... My partner has told no one of his status cuz to him, its a non-issue and he has all the love and support he needs... Its a non-issue to him... Now if he is just scared and does not know how to disclose and is wanting support thru disclosure, well thats a different story.. Communication between you on this subject should be addressed then abide by his wishes..

Just Sayin,

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19yrPozCAman
Unregistered

Re: My partner is positive but can't tell anyone new
      #213644 - 11/02/06 02:27 AM

After 19 years I have watched the reactions of people once someone has mentioned to one person that they are POZ. The negative gossip spreads like wildfire. Because of that I have chosen to keep it to myself and my physician. Not all persons that are POZ find it necessary to tell anyone until the disease progresses. Friends or partners that feel that it is important that others know are only thinking of themselves and not the feelings of the person that is POZ. After 19 years I find myself mentally healthy and hope to have at least another 19 more years. The most important thing a POZ person needs is a caring physician. Without the trust and care of the physician, I would not be here to even post this reply. If you are fortunate to know about someone, support and trust is the most important part of being a true friend.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: My partner is positive but can't tell anyone new
      #213683 - 11/02/06 05:11 PM

Why push it, if he doesn't want to tell anyone that should be his choice and you should respect it. I am in the same situation

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: My partner is positive but can't tell anyone new
      #213754 - 11/03/06 11:59 AM

I can relate to your partner. I was diagnosed in 1999, and the only non-medical person to whom I've disclosed is my partner. The reasons for this are multiple, including the concern I have that people would make assumptions about my partner's HIV status, about our behaviors as a couple, and about our relationship. I have decided to keep my status private, and I appreciate that he respects my decision. Although I know that he would support me 100% if I later choose to disclose to someone, he understands the complexity of the decision. This is my advise to you: Be patient. If you think your partner needs peer support, you could suggest that he take advantage of the many resources available--including online boards like this one. But be patient. In a relationship with at least one person with HIV -- the decision to disclose affects both individuals. If there is not agreement between partners, it can be a very scary prospect. Tthank you for sticking with your partner and for respecting his wishes. It's a tremendous gift that you've given.

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guinane
Newbie

Reged: 11/04/06
Posts: 1
Re: My partner is positive but can't tell anyone new
      #213813 - 11/04/06 02:52 PM

it looks as though your partner needs to take baby steps, it can be very difficult, even now two years later i find myself scared when i say that i am positive.

i would most def. hold off and not disclose this information to the masses. after i found out my boyfriend (now the ex) decided to tell his friends, co-workers and boss... needless to say this was done without my consent. i am still not to happy about it either.

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Shame on Stigma
Unregistered

Re: My partner is positive but can't tell anyone new
      #217930 - 12/11/06 10:27 AM

It may feel isolating to you, that your partner doesn't want to disclose. It may feel like you're lying to your friends by omission that your partner doesn't want to disclose. I understand. It may be you thinking that it would be healthier for him, if he were to disclose. Have faith, people in your life, even if it's 2 years from now, will understand when the time comes and he's comfortable to disclose. They won't blame you or him for not saying something earlier. Unfortunately, the stigma keeps people with HIV from being able to be open. The people in both of your lives who love you, will get why you didn't say anything sooner. So, get on with happy things, and talk openly about it with him, and understand, this way is his healthy way of dealing with it. Our emotional mind can only handle things in it's own time.

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