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Dating an HIV positive man
#208739 - 09/26/06 08:12 PM
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I'm female and negative (to best of my knowledge). We've known each other 7 or 8 years but only recently started seeing each other outside of our normal circles. We'd always kidded around about taking it further and he would say we have a lot of talking to do. Anyway, he finally told me he was positive and he would understand if I said no way. I'm sorry to ramble on like this but I want to consider this. We have always this incredible communication and I do love this man. We kissed after he told me and we talked A LOT. And we've kissed plenty more since then (I knew enough to know that particular kissing myth about HIV is a bunch of crap). I am trying to learn everything I can about this so I can make a proper decision. I haven't been tested myself in at least 2 years and while I don't think I am, I still feel I should get tested myself before we are intimate (we're going together October 6th) because I've read about reinfection (sorry if that's not the right term) and that would be no help to him. His viral load is under 50, nearly undetectable and his cd4 count is 363 (he just went last week) and he's been positive (as far as we know) for 5 1/2 years. I was just hoping someone out there in a similar situation (a pos and a neg) would be wiling to be a buddy of sorts. I mean, I know, proper condom usage and of course would always do that, but there's so much to think about. Either way, I don't think I ever realized how deeply I did care about him until he told me this and I want to do everything I can to be there. Not too many but myself knows. I do love this man. Okay, sorry for the excessive rambling but I'm trying to educate myself the best I can.
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I have dating a man for almost 10 years now and we were planning to get married in December this year,we decided to go for HIV test and our first test result came out that i'm negative and he is positive.But i'm still worried because sometime we practised oral sex,we did deep kissing,rubbing and musterbate in my varginal but whenever we did varginal sex we used condom, i dont know what to do and i dont know what to think, i dont want to leave him because i think he needs me more than before and I'm trying to learn everything I can about this so I can make a proper decision, i dont want him to think he has lost everything i want to make his dream of being with me as wife come true but i'm scared, we are planning to go for a doctor to see if we can have children in other way than natural one,i'm so much confused and i dont know what to do,can anyone help me please!!?
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I can somewhat relate, except from the opposite side of the table. I'm pos. and the man I'm dating is neg. We've been seeing each other for roughly four months. There's alot of chemistry between us, but the fears are staggering sometimes. We are looking for other couples to talk/relate to as well. You sound like you really care about your man, and It really shocks me at how strong love really is. I would love to talk more.
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You're in a really tough situation, you've been with him for 10 years. That's a long time. I'm a poz female ( who just found out ), but I'll tell you that if I ever got married to someone, I'd want it to be because they absolutely loved and adored me, not because they thought I was in a severe time of need emotionally. Don't do it unless it's something that YOU want to do. Take it one step at a time, this is huge. Then start talking weddings & children.
also,.. this website has so much info on HIV/Pregnancy. Just check it out
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Thank you for your response and i appreciate your advice i think i need to talk more about this because it's hurting to leave the man that i love because of He is HIV + and it even more confusing when i think of the future ,marriage and kids
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Good to hear that there is someone else with situation like mine atleast i dont feel that it happens to only me,i would alo like to talk more about this especially with mixed status couple, i would like to know how they are managing esp in the marriage and pregnancy issue
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I hear that loud and clear. It's hard to know what you want, precisely, but to not know how to go about getting there. It's impossible to ignore the fears, but in the same sentence, it's just as hard to ignore your feelings. Good luck. And keep updating us
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