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Family and Friends >> My Loved One Has HIV/AIDS

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Anonymous
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My aunt has aids and it's still a big secret
      #202521 - 08/04/06 01:47 PM

I hope someone out there can help me or maybe just listen and give me some good advise...my aunt who is my mom's step-sis and i love her like she's my older sis, just found out that she has full blown aids. Only my mom and I know, but was diagnosed w/HIV about 15yrs ago. My mom just told me 2 days ago, that my aunt was not getting treatment, not taking medications and now she is losing her eye sight! My mom thinks we should keep her secret, but I don't know what they are thinking...I know they are old school, but i don't think it's anything to be ashamed of. I know she would hate my mom for telling me or anyone, but I can't not want to help or be there or I don't know...she has a son who's 30 he doesn't know, and she's at the end stages of adopting a lil girl who's not 2yrs old yet. I think about them and wonder why? She's getting sores on her legs and losing her eyesight...what's next? Thanks everyone for letting me vent. I don't know what to do!

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Anonymous
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Re: My aunt has aids and it's still a big secret new
      #202630 - 08/05/06 08:44 AM

Your Aunt should not be trying to adopt at this point and since your mom is the only one that 'knows' of your aunts condition, she needs to talk some sense into her about that.

As far as the rest. It's up to your Aunt to seek medical help or not. It's up to your Aunt to disclose or not. There really is nothing you can do, especially since you aren't even suppose to know. The best you can do is voice your concerns to your mom and let her talk to your aunt.

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LUVmyHIVposGIRL
Newbie

Reged: 08/02/06
Posts: 8
Loc: Washington State USA
Re: My aunt has aids and it's still a big secret new
      #202668 - 08/05/06 09:41 PM

My two cents...

Your's and your Mother's loyalty towards the sister/aunt should take a back seat to the welfare of an innocent child. If the sister feels betrayed, oh-f**king-well. She's an adult and can deal with it. Her losing the chance to adopt or having to face her family with her "secret" is something she can deal with as an adult much better than this child can deal with the impending dysfunctional situation that awaits it. Her not being able to understand logical thinking is not your problem. This child needs to be put first before the loyalty of your family.

Do you really wanna sacrifice the well-being of this child just so you and Mom can avoid the repercussions of devastating a consenting adult making bad decisions?

Forget what your Mom thinks at this point. This is on your conscience, not hers. You are obviously concerned and are in a tug-of-war between doing what's right and staying loyal to your family. That's understandable to want to do that for your blood. However, what's right is what's right and you obviously know that and are posting here looking for some reassurance that you are doing the right thing before you do. Kudos to you...

I say tell everything and do whatever you can to stop the adoption.

--------------------
"Think about living, not dying." -- Me

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Anonymous
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Re: My aunt has aids and it's still a big secret new
      #202691 - 08/06/06 10:27 AM

LUVmy,

Disclosure is an extremely sensitive subject. Many of us have had to endure the consequenses of surprise disclose by someone other than ourselves. Quite simply, it's a betrayal of trust. One never easily forgiven.

If the Aunts health is as is written, she won't be able to adopt anyway. No adoption agency would allow it.

Knowing someones status comes with the responsiblity to protect that knowledge. It's not a water cooler topic.

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LUVmyHIVposGIRL
Newbie

Reged: 08/02/06
Posts: 8
Loc: Washington State USA
Re: My aunt has aids and it's still a big secret new
      #202697 - 08/06/06 01:21 PM

I agree that the decision to disclose should be left upon the person who is ill.

However, It was my understanding that the adoption proceedings were in it's final stages so I assumed that it was a done deal. If it comes down to saving this child from that environment, that's one thing. If there is no chance for this adoption to go through then that's another.

Thanks for the reply.

--------------------
"Think about living, not dying." -- Me

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: My aunt has aids and it's still a big secret new
      #202853 - 08/08/06 01:07 PM

I understand that you might think we were gossiping, it's not a watercooler topic! I love my aunt very much and my mom is somewhat old school, and she's from a very diff time, and she doesn't know how to handle it, b'cuz she's dealing w/just finding out that she has lupus and a type of lung cancer, so this is very difficult for her!! And adopting, i agree if my aunt was handling and taking medication, then i am all for people of anyone who is happy and can provide a stable loveing enviroment, should adopt...but she is in the end stage of adoption, and noone not even her doctors know...she went to a free clininc when she found out almost 15yrs ago, she recently went to the eye dr and he thought she might have lupus or aids w/the way her cornea was deteriorating...and she is starting to show sores, now she has broncitis, and now she's losing her eyesite!!!
i'm sorry, i don't want to be defensive or argumentitive, i just want to know what we should do. I understand everyone having a secret and keeping that secret, but i and my mom don't want to lose my aunt b'cuz she's scared! She's only 47yrs old!!! She has sooo much to live for and she's caring and funny, and i love her like i love my mom! I just want to know if there is still treatment out there even if she is this far along!
Sorry, i seemed rude! I don't mean to be! Thanks for all your responses!

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: My aunt has aids and it's still a big secret new
      #203256 - 08/11/06 05:33 PM

I want to start out by saying HIV is still not accepted well in our American society and I have a friend possibly dying and keeping ones diagnoses a secret is sometimes the only way to ensure being treated fairly even by family and friends because they don't educate themselves and through ignorance they are still afraid. Fear has segregated my good friend.
My problem is I have a friend who is very dear and close to my family and looked upon as our family. She is also the godmother to one of my little cousins and this is where I last saw my friend, in Nov. 2005 at my little cousin son’s birthday skate party. We all took pictures and I shared with them that I would be moving to Atlanta. Soon after I relocated to ATL and had not spoken too or seen neither my friend nor my little cousin which is her goddaughter (who served in the Baghdad war). I returned to NYC on May 22, 2006 to attend the funeral of another childhood friend (who died of Pancreatic Cancer). At the wake I was shocked and deeply saddened to hear through malicious gossip that my girl friend is very sick with HIV and was not accepting any visitors, so when I returned home I sent my friend a get well card and tried to call her. This is driving me crazy not being able to talk to my friend. I work in the medical field and I am so devastated to learn that my friend may very well be sick and refusing treatment and pushing everyone away. What can I do to help reach her? I don't even know if this rumor is true? I have not talked to her yet. She has no idea, of these rumors but I do know something is dreadfully wrong, as my friend did have a restricted visitors list when she was hospitalized I tried to visit her when I was in NYC. I hear she is now home and she still doesn't answer her house phone. I recently heard she stopped taking her meds and was back in the hospital on a ventilator but pulled through thank God. I want to see her so bad and let her know l will be there for her and not to be in denial that she can live with HIV and to please not give up. How can I reach out to her what would you do or say? My friend is well known we all grew up in Harlem people are so dam cruel. I didn't even know my friend was sick and this gossiping person bumped into my friend at an undisclosed hospital in NYC and was blabbling at the wake gathering. I wanted to slap this person for speaking confidential information even if this HIV diagnosis is true about my friend. But I have given it to God and ask for his blessings and prayers to heal my friend.


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