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in love with a hiv+ woman
      #199411 - 07/10/06 02:51 PM

This is the first time i have posted on this site, but i have read quite a few posts and have found them extremely helpful in understanding. I am madly in love with and have been in a relationship for about 10 months with a woman who has HIV . (She was diagnosed about a year and a half). Though she did not tell me that she was + until after we had had sex several times(protected), my feelings for her did not change once she told me. i love her more than ever and it has been extremely difficult because i cant discuss it with anyone (though we have discussed it together)as i know that the commom perception would be -are you insane! to say i am not scared would be a lie, but it is not dying i am afraid of, people die everyday and i have just as likely a chance of getting hit by a car while crossing the road here (i dont live in the states) as anything else. what scares me is the not knowing. But i am still fully commited to her and us. am i feaking nuts? i dont think i am. sorry that i am rambling a bit. another issue which is important is that she might want to have a child. i think that this is not necessarily something that will happen but people have told here that with meds it is 99% that the child will be find. i personally think that this is just not right, as no one has the right to possibly subject someone else to this disease. consenting adults is one thing, but what right do we have to bring a child into this world who may or may not be positive and will lose one or both of their parents before they are 15 in all likeleyhood? i just dont know. i am just looking for some input or thoughts as i dont have anyone to talk to about this . thank you for whatever you give.

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Re: in love with a hiv+ woman new
      #199508 - 07/11/06 03:09 AM

Hello,, I'm new to this site and i recently have been diagnosed with HIV about a month ago.. Trust me i'm not even going to begin how devastating it is.. Anyway Its just gonna take some time like anything else in life you go through.. I was dating someone at the time when i found out. I had no idea i was positive. When I found out I did tell him right away.. We were in love or at least at loves early stages.. We enjoyed every moment together, had sooo much fun together.. talked about any and everythng.. Well he totally disappeared from my life once i told him.. He screened my calls, hung up on me.. and when I went to his apartment to talk.. he called the police.. It was like my heart dropped to the floor... I couldn't believe this was happening to me... It was already hard enough that I just found out i was +.. but to have my best friend, my lover to be so turned off by me hurt more than anything.. When i told him, I didn't expect him to stay with me but I did expect him to be supportive and understanding as well as remaining my best friend.. bottom line is that you are automatically a strong noble man to stand by her.. You continued to put your love and passion about her first.. and thats important.. its real.. Life isn't over for her or you.. Like any other virus, or disease it something you work around to live with.. Life and love goes on.. its just a big stepping stone for you two to jump over together.. You are still able to do all the things you wanted to as if you were negative.. And yes in time and lots of talking and education.. A child is a possibility.. What a gift it is to bring life, and nurture it.. I firmly believe you never fully have lived unless have given life... And like i said with communication, time and education.. it could be something to look forward to and prepare for.. Just like any other pregnancy , a woman has to take it easy and be in a healthy state of mind and body.. the only thing different now is that she just has to be a little extra safe and careful with her health,.. eating right, appropiate exercise, medication, etc.. with proper care the chances are almost unlikely(impossible) to pass it on to a baby.. with regular check ups and doctors visits, everything would be ok... just take time and think it over,, no one said it has to be tomorrow or the next day.. planning a baby /family, takes time in any case.. Just take life with her a day at a time,, these things are too overwhelming to absorb it all in at one time.. just breath..

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Reged: 12/21/05
Posts: 1390
Re: in love with a hiv+ woman new
      #199531 - 07/11/06 01:53 PM

1. Wrong...common perception would be that if you love her you can work it out.
2. Men having sex with HIV Poz women are less likely to contract HIV in the FIRST PLACE. So talking about the risk to you is extreemly misguided. Its women having sex with HIV POZ men who are most at risk.
3. Having a child does not mean the child is being subjected to this disease...because the child can be negative.
4.And if you want to talk to someone, go with her to her doctor!!! Does she have one...I hope so. If not make sure she does.
5. Practice safe sex and YOU will be fine.
Remember: you are welcome to talk on here...but we are not doctors and this is just my opinion.

6 ft tall poz bear in Philadelphia

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Reged: 09/20/07
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Loc: Winnipeg Manitoba Canada
Re: in love with a hiv+ woman new
      #232957 - 10/25/07 03:55 AM

Hey there.. Just wanted to say that i was diagnosed when i was 4 months pregnant.. i thought the samething.. how could i bring my son into this world... after 3 years hes in the clear:D..and my doc also says with meds ill be around to see him have kids of his own... Aslong as she stays healthy and counts are good the risk is next to none of the baby having it... my counts were CD4 387..21 percent...VL over 16.000.. when i was diganosed they stayed about that while i was pregnant.. i ate healthy and worked up til i was 8 months... Iam happy with my son.. hes healthy and happy.. I hope that helps you...

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