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Family and Friends >> My Loved One Has HIV/AIDS

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worried in az
Unregistered

my brother has hiv
      #193974 - 06/01/06 01:59 PM

ok heres the thing my brother found out he has hiv about a yr ago he says he knows where he got it but i dont think he does the thing is other than sleeping around way too much and being bisexual or gay because he has 4 daughters but has nothing to do with them doesnt even know where they are and he doesnt care hes very selfish and some would consider him a lost cause but the other thing is that he is always telling me hes going to die ,its bad enough its hard for me to cope with him being sick...

im a mother of 2 girls my oldest just turned 9 and my baby is only 8 months and i have a great husband of 10 yrs that is very supportive with all thats going on i had posted here before but it was because i didnt know much about his illness and i was worried because i had touched his tattoo of my oldest daughters name and i had a cut on my finger and thought i could get infected and yes the tattoo was just barly scarring up anyhow , my brother is driving me insane ever since he got out of prison and told me of his status hes been telling me hes going to die and that now my mother is going to have to burrie one of her kids when its supposed to be us burring her and all this stuff that makes me feel like its everyones elses fault and not his....

he says he slept with a guy that was stright and he never would have questioned his status cuz he was stright but the dates dont add up i think hes known but just because he went to prison and i had mentioned that one of my friends saw him in the medical building and i asked him he felt he had to confess sooooo.................

its been a year since he was diagnosed he refues to take his meds and see the specialist he was seeing hes all hyped up on drugs and i talked to him the other day we argured because in our convo i asked him bout his meds and he said he wasnt going to take them no matter what and that he didnt see why we care its his life and i was like WHAT THE F**K IS WRONG WITH YOU, I CARE BECAUSE YOU MY BROTHER , I LOVE YOU AND I WANT MY KIDS TO HAVE AN UNCLE !!!!

He was like well im not going to do it i refuse to take my meds i was like look if u need to pay for them ill take u ill get the money some how it doesnt matter how ill just get it if u want ill send you to rehab, he said he dont need rehab he knows hes an addict he just needs us to stop telling him what to do with his life and that noone was going to make him take his meds so i said so u rather take drugs(meth and who knows what else) than to take drugs that can help u live a longer life and he didnt want to budge so my only way of keeping my self sane was to tell him im on the verge of calling intervention (its a tv show to get some profesional help) he said he didnt care he wasnt going to comply...

so after arguing with him for a while I just said "YOU KNOW WHAT I AM NOT GOING TO GIVE UP ON YOU BUT IF YOU DO NOT GET CLEANED UP STOP DOING DRUGS AND START TAKING YOUR MEDS IM SORRY BUT YOU GIVE ME NO CHOICE THAN TO NOT LET YOU IN MY HOUSE YOU CAN NOT SEE MY GIRLS NOR WILL I OR MY HUSBAND GIVE YOU ANYMORE MONEY!'

Hes 30 im 26 i have been supporting him since i was 13 i feel bad that now that i have my own family to worry about and i cant do nothing more for him but be there emotionaly but hes not even letting me do that, hes a grown man and im the little sister he sould be helping me to has no mental problems has both hands and feet hes just lazy and feels everyone else should support him im at my wits end and dont know what to do someone please help me !

I JUST WANT HIM TO GET IT TOGETHER , IF HE LOVES MY DAUGHTER SO MUCH ENOUGH TO GET HER NAMED TATTOOED DOWN HIS ARM IN BIG OLD ENGLISH LETTERS WHY CANT HE JUST LOVE HER ENOUGH TO GET HELP GET CLEAN SO HE CAN BE WITH HER!

All i do is cry and ask myself why doesnt he change why doesnt he care like we care about him ......?

anyways thanks for reading my story and any advice is helpfull i just feel like throwing in the towel and saying i love you your my brother but this is it i have to cut u out of my life if u wont change!



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Bear60
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Reged: 12/21/05
Posts: 1390
Re: my brother has hiv new
      #193977 - 06/01/06 02:36 PM

I'm sorry you have to deal with your brother's irresponsibility. But you cannot MAKE him go clean or take his HIV meds . It sounds to me you know what to do. I agree he should be told to stay away from you until he has his act together. You dont need to take on the guilt for HIS mistakes either. Stop cying, you need to take care of yourself and your kids.
By the way:
there are clinics that will treat him and get him the meds he needs.

--------------------
6 ft tall poz bear in Philadelphia

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Survivor
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Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: my brother has hiv new
      #194031 - 06/01/06 11:30 PM

WAZ, I have alot of experience in what you are dealing with. I have sponsored many many addicts over many years. What you are doing is enabeling him at some level. I would do as you said at the end of your post. Do NOT give him any more money. Do NOT make ultamatums with him. He has to hit the wall at 100 miles an hour and if you keep saving him, he will never hit bottom and he will continue to use and he will eventually die. Addicts die and others live. This is a disease just as HIV is a virus. However the disease of addiction will usually win before HIV ever takes hold. I would recomend for the family a Al-Anon meeting so you can feel better. YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER YOUR BROTHERS ACTION. YOU HAVE NO CONTROL IF HE IS GOING TO LIVE OR DIE. Quit being the noble sister. Mothers and Dad's do burry their sons and daughters and whoever wrote that stupid blurb was an idiot. As far as HIV eventually turning to AIDS? When he developes OI's he will have no choice in the matter. He will be admitted to a hospital and this is what it might take for him to shake his addiction. Practice tuff love. You will save his life by doing so... Your welcome to PM me if you register if you would rather talk behind closed doors...

"The Elevator your brother is on has only one direcion "DOWN", he can choose what floor he wants to get off on, but when the ride is over, its OVER..

Turn this all over to your Higher Power if you have one. You do not and will NOT EVER have control over your brother.

Love

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worried in az
Unregistered

Re: my brother has hiv new
      #194053 - 06/02/06 04:48 AM

Thank you I just didnt want to feel like I was abandoning him even my mom was like " you need to toughen up!, its called tough love and hes not leaving you a choice" but at the same time I told her "then why do you help him?, your just enabling him to keep doing the same by letting him shower at your house giving him a place to stay at times I under stand hes your son but dont be a hypocrit with me and practice what you preach!", but she tries to lie for him too the only reason I find out is because of my little sister ..... and thats why i feel like im at my wits end and now thanks to you I have realised I am 26 and have my kids to worry about and ill have to let him be on his own ,I love him but I love him enough to let him learn on his own hes 30 and like he said hes gonna do what he wants so , so be it !

ill probly talk to him next week when hes at my moms because I dont talk to her alot either because she practices favoritizum alot so we dont have the best mother and daughter reationship and as you can tell im not on her fav list... but im just going to tell him : Since you choose and refuse to listen to reason and get clean , get help and start getting it together and see your specialist and take your meds I am choosing whats best for myself , my sanity and my family and letting you do what you want your a gown man so live your life as you want but my family will not partake in your crazy and risque ways of life and your being irsponsable and selffish , im sorry you dont love us as much as we do you, you say you love my daughters and have a tattoo of the oldests name but you should love her enough to do what right and show her how much you "love her" just remember we do love you and if and when you are ready to get some professional help thats when we will be here for you !, I love you and take care."

how does that sound?

well thank you for helping and advising me !


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Survivor
Legend

Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: my brother has hiv new
      #194254 - 06/02/06 11:46 PM

AZ your on the right track.. Enabeling him on any level right now will prolong an eventual crash. Let him crash. I know it sounds hard. But thats how it works. If you can hit a Al-ANON meeting sometime, I think you could really appreciate what I am saying...

Love

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worried in az
Unregistered

Re: my brother has hiv new
      #194264 - 06/03/06 04:45 AM

thanks for your advice where would i start to find one of those meetings?

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Survivor
Legend

Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Re: my brother has hiv new
      #194383 - 06/03/06 08:08 PM

Yellow or white pages honey.. Start with AA and go from there for a Al-Anon group.... Just as popular as AA!

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firefly
Guardian

Reged: 01/22/06
Posts: 431
Loc: Orange County, Calif.
Re: my brother has hiv new
      #194419 - 06/04/06 01:12 AM

Al-Anon is wonderful !

--------------------
You are a diamond in the rough !

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tori2
Newbie

Reged: 12/02/07
Posts: 5
Re: my brother has hiv new
      #234091 - 12/02/07 12:40 PM

Well, sista I understand your struggle because I went to the funeral of one of my best friends sister who was HIV positive. She refused to take the medications also and she continued to do drugs. But after a while she finally got really sick and let the disease turn into FULL BLOWN AIDS. Now the rollercoaster ride of her life started. She became really really ill. At her funeral one person talked about when they saw her walking down the street with only her bed clothes on walking barefeet on a field full of glass. This girl was a walking zombie she began to catch every disease known to man and this disease tore her selfish stupid behind apart. My friend said there was nothing they could do to help her take the meds. She had the same attitude your brother had. She waited for Death and many times she told them She was so tired in pain every single day a new disease every other week. Do this for me if you want to help your brother find a AIDS agency get him up there so he can see what this diseaes does to people before it's over. You need to find someone who is finally in the last stages so he can see. It seems some people are from Missouri and have to see because without visual they just don't get it. Without those meds he will die the most miserable death in the world. I would rather take a bullet than be in excruiating pain every hour on the hour. Please take some drastic measures if you have to crush the pills and put them in his food get him to take those pills. They are there to help him. And here there are some people who want the meds and because of their income can't afford to get the medications. While others who can get them for free don't even bother to take them and leave the medicine sitting in the cabinet. Hell, if he doesn't want them find someone who does.

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