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Met great guy, who's HIV+, wisdom needed please
      #193222 - 05/26/06 04:19 AM

I'm a gal who met a guy who's HIV pos, about a month ago, and we had affinity at once. We make eachother laugh, and we talk openly and I'm nutbars about him. This is personal, we've kissed, that was niccccee, and next we'll "do it", I just want to be a strong enough person, to take this beautiful man into my life. Trying to take it slow. We really get eachother. He's deep, he's strong, he's funny, and when he smiles at me, I think he knows what I'm thinking. I want to be closer to him physically, I've read alot about HIV, I want to hear from PEOPLE, so my emotional side will stop being anxious, I just want to "be" with him, we've done totally non-contact but enjoyable stuff, IS IT OKAY? CAN WE HAVE SEX? IS IT SAFE? The bigger gamble for me, is love.

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Reged: 12/19/05
Posts: 2200
Re: Met great guy, who's HIV+, wisdom needed please new
      #193234 - 05/26/06 09:07 AM

Im happy you found someone that makes you happy. In answer to your questions, YES its possible to do almost anything together sexually, that ya could normally do however you need to change the way ya do it....meaning you MUST use condoms from start to finish. Please keep in mind, there is also plenty of things besides penetrative sex, that can excite the mind, body and soul. But if it does get to the point of penetrative sex, please protect yourself. For example, you masturbating him all over your NO RISK. The skin is a great barrier to prevent hiv.

Do NOT use two condoms at once...doubling a condom can actually cause breakage, use one latex or polyurethane condom PROPERLY, and you will be 100% safe.

Always use waterbased lubricants, and always use latex or polyurethane condoms. Condoms manufactured in japan are actually the best, as they are ran through the most thorough inspections and tests, before being released to the public* Also, MALE condoms are most affective all the way around, comfort, reliability, etc.

Be sure to pinch the tip of the condom,expelling the air-pocket out of the tip before you put the condom on, and roll it down over you. The most commen contributers to condom breakage are air pockets, lack of sufficiant amount of water based lubricants, or the combination of the two.

where does doubling condoms fall into the equation? doubling a condom provides airpockets both between both : the two layers of condoms, and also between the first condom and your skin. doubling condoms, is comparable to russian roullette, you may get lucky a few times, but that luck wont last long....

In closing, never use an Oil-based/petroleum based lubricant, as they will weaken and break down the latex/polyurethane compounds, inviting breakage, and drastically increases the chances of breakage*

Some will say condoms arent 100%, however studies have proven, that when used PROPERLY, condoms do have 100% rating. Its sad that they post the stats that factor in incorrect use, when determining reliabilty ratings*

and dont forget, YOUR RESPONSIBILITY doesnt end when the condom is rolled down, it only takes a fraction of a second to check and make sure the condom is staying in place,etc....

By all means, have a wonderful time together, but from being an aids survivor, i will tell you, the best passion, laughter,LOVE, that one could give to ANYONE, especially hiv+ people....begins with the word Genuine*

In closing, I advise you to schedule an hiv test either every 6 months, or at the very least, once a year. You are responsible for your own personal health, and well , lets be honest, no ones perfect, especially when they are falling in love.....just make sure you test so you KNOW your status. Also, i suggest you keep a box of latex gloves handy for emergencies, in case he was to get hurt at home, Blood-spills,etc. Example: I had a surgucal procedure my wife had to dress the open wound until it closed on its own*....

Oh yeah, KISSING, regardless of how deep or passionate, is 100% safe also...

If ya have any questions , feel free to PM me anytime*

Good Luck & God Bless*

Thinking about meeting someone from this site? Read my profile before you do.

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Reged: 03/21/06
Posts: 581
Loc: South
Re: Met great guy, who's HIV+, wisdom needed please new
      #193250 - 05/26/06 10:09 AM

Hey man-

You may have written this post TO someone else, but it was FOR me (and my bride). My wife cried last night for about an hour, laminating over how I have ruined our sex life forever. When she is a little more receptive, I will definitely share this post with her.

Thank you VERY much!

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Reged: 11/06/05
Posts: 149
Loc: Texas, USA
Re: Met great guy, who's HIV+, wisdom needed please new
      #193347 - 05/26/06 08:55 PM

It couldn't have been said better. *applause*

It's you that I live for and for you that I die.
So I'll lay here with you until the final goodbye

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Re: Met great guy, who's HIV+, wisdom needed please new
      #193516 - 05/29/06 03:33 AM

Dear AIDS2HIV, I am unable to PM you, perhaps you could PM me? I have some questions about the responsibility of not breaking his heart and not getting my heart broken. These things are holding me back. The other night, he said that he felt alive for the first time in a long time, it made me feel good, but I think I thought too deeply about it. The beginnings of like to love is confusing. I really like him, how should I take what he said? I have empathy. I've been through, and am not out of it yet, with cancer. Any calming words? I don't want to blow it.

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Reged: 12/21/05
Posts: 1390
Re: Met great guy, who's HIV+, wisdom needed please new
      #193528 - 05/29/06 09:32 AM

wanakiss.......... in order send a private message you have to register.....once you have a nickname and a password to sign in with, you may send private messages to other registered users.

6 ft tall poz bear in Philadelphia

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Reged: 01/24/05
Posts: 398
Loc: FTL, Florida
Re: Met great guy, who's HIV+, wisdom needed please new
      #196306 - 06/16/06 07:04 AM


You are an awesome person to want to find out what you can or can't do!! I applaude you for that. Because by doing so, you are a bigger person than the ones who just run away at the mere whisper of HIV.

Just follow A2H's advice, because it's the best laid out response.

Follow your heart too. If you really like this guy, just know that having sex with him (protected of course!) will be all that you expected (anticipated!).

Check this portion of The Body's help forums:

That should give you some insight on your questions.

Good luck!

The reason angels can fly is that they take themselves so lightly. ~ Chesterton G. K.

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Re: Met great guy, who's HIV+, wisdom needed please new
      #196537 - 06/17/06 10:21 PM

Hi... i've just read your post (yes, i know it was posted some time ago, but... ) and i do have a wonderful man in my life, too (who happens to be hiv+, too)! We've been together for almost 3 years now... so, i've (we've) been learning a lot of this thing they call "mixed-status relationship".
So, if you need someone to talk to... (sometimes i do, too) <-- that's my mail address, feel free to contact me =)

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Reged: 02/28/06
Posts: 369
Re: Met great guy, who's HIV+, wisdom needed please new
      #198121 - 06/28/06 06:27 PM

First thing, it was so cool of youto post this on my birthday. I know that it was some time ago and I am so so late, but I have to say BRAVA!!!! You are one of the brave ones who have found love in spite of HIV/AIDS. I too found love. I lost him 9 months ago to AIDS. He was truly my soulmate. He too could just look at me and know all my thoughts. I miss him very much but I would not change one simgle thing with him. I would do it all over agin. You can love in spite of ot all.

When we met I was neg. I still chose to be with him. I became poz later on. I know that you are scared, but it will be okay. If you need to talk PM.

HIV is a part of me, but it does not define me!!!

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