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my boyfriend is HIV+
      #18767 - 06/27/01 09:03 PM

I have an HIV+ boyfriend. I have been doing so much research about HIV/AIDS that I get a headache from looking at the computer. It seems that there is so much info out there now about this disease but I want to ask some questions that aren't answered in these websites or articles. I happen to love this man with all of my heart and would love to marry him but it seems kind of like a hopeless situation. I feel like I only have 2 options. Marry him and watch him slowly die, then be a widow and grieve his death forever...or break up with him now and never get over the fact that I abandoned him and lost my opportunity for that "once in a lifetime love." My family and friends are strongly opposed to this relationship and my parents have already outcast me from their lives. So if I marry him, and he dies...then who do I have left? Should I just say "Screw it" and marry him and take these risks making the most of each day? Or should I end this relationship now before things become even more complicated?
I feel so guilty for having these hesitations, but this is an incredibly serious decision and I'd like to be sure of myself and what I choose to do. I'm so confused. If anyone has an opinion, I'm willing to listen.

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Reged: 10/26/00
Posts: 2028
Re: my boyfriend is HIV+ new
      #18777 - 06/28/01 02:12 AM

I'm assuming this post and the other one below it are both from you. I read the other one the other day and have been mulling over in my mind how to respond.

I fell in love with a guy with HIV. We've been married almost 5 years now. I wouldn't trade the time we have had and the years to come for anything. For me there wasn't any choice to make. He completes me. Believes in me. Let's me be who I am. That's hard to find and worth any challenges put in front of me. No one knows how much time they have so when you find something right, grab it.

That being said. I didn't have resistance from my family. That's because I didn't tell them he was HIV until I had to tell them I was HIV. We had already been married a few months before I seroconverted. They accepted it. Not happily, but they dealt with it. They were a strong support for me and him when he was so sick and we didn't know if he would live...which brings me to another him slowly die? You might be very surprised. My husband has been positive for about 14 years. He's waaaay healthier now than a year ago. The miracle of the right combination. Life is never going to go the way you think it will or might.


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Re: my boyfriend is HIV+ new
      #18805 - 06/29/01 03:12 PM

I too understand the complications you must feel emotionally. Ultimately, you must decide what is right for you. When you state you are dwelling on his future death you already are dealing with a future hindered by lack of knowledge. What I mean by this is you can not simply live your life expecting his death to arrive "early" or plan the event--->HIV isn't an automatic, chronological death sentence. Perhaps discussing your feelings with your partner along side a professional relationship counselor would help improve your situation. Again the decision lies within you and what you feel, know, and expect. I too am a member of a very happy +/- relationship. Good luck!

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Reged: 04/24/00
Posts: 28
Loc: USA
Re: my boyfriend is HIV+ new
      #18808 - 06/29/01 04:37 PM

Like Jackie, I've been mulling over how to respond. I have been accused of being too blunt, straight forward and harsh. I was going to write out a nice, diplomatic response like I usually do. Then decided screw it, I'll just be myself. So here it goes. This is what I think.

Marriage is a commitment between two people who love each other and care deeply about each other (regardless of sero status). It doesn't include family, friends, or anyone else. Just you two. Do you love him? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him? (No, leave HIV out of it at this point.) This is your life, this is his life. Do you want to share it? Yes? Then be together!

Okay, now for the HIV piece. You could be diagnosed with terminal cancer tomorrow, and hit by a truck the next day. The same with him. There are no guarantees that either of you will be here tomorrow. So you need to decide if you want to be together TODAY.

My husband was diagnosed with HIV 8 years into our marriage. I too worried about our daughter,and myself, watching him 'slowly die'. What it comes down to is . . . do you love him? Do you want to watch him 'live'? He's not 'slowly dying', he's living. Stay in the NOW and watch him live. Don't live in the FUTURE and watch him die.

So what, he has this nasty little virus running around his body causing havick. It's a piece of who he is. Learn to understand it, and come to peace with it. He may never die from HIV/AIDS, so try not to live like he is.

I am not the warm and mushy type. I understand what you're going through, and applaude your character. It takes a very strong and understanding person to even approach this issue, and here you are in the middle of it. What ever you decide to do, I think you are a wonderful and caring person. He is lucky to have you in his life, and I hope you remain there at least as a friend, if not more.

Take care, and stay safe!

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Re: my boyfriend is HIV+ new
      #115866 - 11/22/04 07:11 PM


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Reged: 02/26/04
Posts: 272
Loc: Arizona
Re: my boyfriend is HIV+ new
      #115982 - 11/23/04 09:01 PM

Hi...been there done that. But I am on the other side. When I met my boyfriend and then was diagnosed I thought my future was erased and there was no hope. That he or no one else would want a future with someone who had my illness. But my husband of almost 12 years NOW said at the time "I would rather have 2 years of happiness than none at all with you". We have known each other for 14 years and even though I have HIV WE are still going strong and happy. And I live a fairly normal life.

Your boyfriend has ALOT of years ahead of him...expecially with the treatments out there. Don't loose out on any happiness because of the "what if's". Be happy, careful, and just LOVE.

"No act of kindness,
no matter how small,
is ever wasted." AESOP

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Re: my boyfriend is HIV+ new
      #163905 - 11/11/05 02:30 PM

leave ur husband aids is a living death sentence and for atleast 10 years until ccr5 inhibitors come out these toxic medication destroy liver and kidneys and cause diabetes which ini tself kills rember honey be a friend to him but no intimacy be a brother this disease has been designed by humans to kill other humans

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