|
|
My close relative has HIV
#177890 - 03/01/06 10:26 PM
|
Reply
|
Quote
|
|
|
I have evidence that one of my closest relatives is HIV positive. My relative has not been open about it and lives as if nothing has changed. The only concern is that my relative is still dating but I really doubt if his partners are aware. I wonder what the best approach would be.
Post Extras:
|
|
firefly
|
|
Guardian
|
|
|
|
|
Reged: 01/22/06
|
|
Posts: 431
|
|
Loc: Orange County, Calif.
|
|
|
I think if you intrude, he will not be a "close" relative for very long. Just be loving and supportive towards him. Then, in time, he will open up to you. As far as him acting like everything is normal....he's either in denial or he's positive about being +. Hopefully he is being responsible and his partners are doing the same.Remember, they are adults.I know you love him and worry for him. For starters, just hug him and tell him you love him.
--------------------
You are a diamond in the rough !
Post Extras:
|
|
|
|
I have a concern that he is in denial. Especially if he never talks about it. Perhaps you could gently, tactfully ask him about how his treatment is going. I do not believe this is intrusive at all.
I was really, really angry at my husbands relative's for taking a hands off approach to such a deadly disease. When I found out they all knew he was positive and noone, not one of them breathed a word to me, I felt as though they were as morally irresponsible toward my health as he was, 7 years of unprotected sex. When I confronted them all about it, they said "OH, he would have gotten very angry If we stuck our noses in his business." One problem with that attitude, it wasn't just his business. my life was on the line. I thought when you married they checked on all of that -- I was wrong.
I'm still having these conversations with them about why didn't they ever mention anything to me. They say they asked him if he was talking to me about it, and he told them yes, I did. Well, he never did. So whether I am an adult is irrelevant, because one would think that in marriage somehow one would know these things, and it is a crime, a sex crime, so if I see someone raping another adult and I mind my business, so to speak aren't I guilty of negligence by silence or omission of turning a blind eye? Remember, this is a deadly virus, not the flu.
Of course, people who have not been put at risk may have a more tolerant view than I and I am very emotional about what I just went through with my husband and his family, and I may never get over it completely, it was so traumatic, however since I do have first person experience with this I felt I wanted to speak up. My first reaction was stay out of it, then I remembered when I heard by accident and that I had been sleeping with him all of these years and he still was not going to tell me.
Post Extras:
|
|
Monchhichi
|
|
Guru
|
|
|
|
|
Reged: 02/07/05
|
|
Posts: 248
|
|
Loc: Florida
|
|
|
That is a problem you had with your ex, NOT his family. It is NOT the family's responsibility in any way. They took the steps they needed to by asking him. It was his duty to tell you.
--------------------
Never forget: Life is too precious to take for granted.
Post Extras:
|
|
midwest4u
|
|
Regular
|
|
|
|
|
Reged: 03/01/06
|
|
Posts: 46
|
|
Loc: ILLINOIS
|
|
|
The best approach is do nothing. For what ever reason your relative has chose not to tell the family about being positive. You have no way of telling just what your relative has told his/her partners about being positive. As a person with HIV it is my duty to disclose my being positive to anyone that may be at risk of coming into contact with the viris. This does not mean that everyone has to know.
There was another post from a woman who blamed her husband and his relative's for not disclosing his being positive. First off he was so wrong by not disclosing it to her but at the same time she was wrong by not having safe sex even if it was her husband. In this day and age there are so many people who are positive and don't know it, that everyone should be having safe sex. This may be harsh to say but, if you do not take the responsibilty to protect youself who is at fault? I can blame as many people as I want about being positive but the truth is I was careless, I was not being responsible for myself.
--------------------
In the end only kindness matters - Jewel
Post Extras:
|
|
Bear60
|
|
Legend
|
|
|
|
|
Reged: 12/21/05
|
|
Posts: 1390
|
|
|
|
|
I can blame as many people as I want about being positive but the truth is I was careless, I was not being responsible for myself.
This is so true!!!! When I talk to people about HIV transmission....I always say " You have to treat everyone as potentially HIV positive...every one you have sex with!!!"
--------------------
6 ft tall poz bear in Philadelphia
Post Extras:
|
|
|
|
I doubt whether it is denial. The fact of the matter is that the relative is not aware that people know . He is dating with abandon and has a habit of terminating any relationship that is on the verge of getting serious on flimsy excuses. I feel like intervening but then I am afraid my relative would turn away and avoid me. Something eats at me whenever I see him with a new live-in girlfriend.
Post Extras:
|
|
Bear60
|
|
Legend
|
|
|
|
|
Reged: 12/21/05
|
|
Posts: 1390
|
|
|
|
|
Unless you know for sure that he is practicing unsafe sex, you can do nothing. Have you actual proof about his sexual practices?
--------------------
6 ft tall poz bear in Philadelphia
Post Extras:
|
|
Bear60
|
|
Legend
|
|
|
|
|
Reged: 12/21/05
|
|
Posts: 1390
|
|
|
|
|
Let me add... its not illegal or immoral for an HIV positive person to have sex. It may be illegal for him or her to pass along HIV to someone else....knowingly. You have to know the laws in your area. AND...you have to have proof.....
--------------------
6 ft tall poz bear in Philadelphia
Post Extras:
|
|
|
|
Each one of the girls that my relative has an affair has considered themselves married to him unil he pulls the rag from beneath. The recent one was very happy and had big plans until she got kicked out. In a normal marriage safe sex is usually the exception.
Post Extras:
|
|
Bear60
|
|
Legend
|
|
|
|
|
Reged: 12/21/05
|
|
Posts: 1390
|
|
|
|
|
Well, you know that you have never stated what this evidence is that you have. What is it.... Exactly?
--------------------
6 ft tall poz bear in Philadelphia
Post Extras:
|
|
|
|
For other resons, I cannot disclose the evidence here. It's 100% fullproof and no doubt about it. Why would you be interested in this kind of evidence? What he is doing is obviously wrong and I need to find a way to put a stop to it.
Post Extras:
|
|
AIDS2HIV
|
|
Legend
|
|
|
|
|
Reged: 12/19/05
|
|
Posts: 2161
|
|
|
|
|
let me see if Im understanding this correctly......you wont confront him, outta fear of him turning away from you.....instead you would rather choose to have him removed from society?
Post Extras:
|
|
|
|
I doubt whether you understand the whole question. If you did, maybe it would restrain you from jumping to his aid blindly. What he is doing is immoral. You may feel ok with it. I just don't. What I want is a way to put a stop to what he is doing. No one said anything about taking him to jail. Those are your own words. Resist the urge to jump in if you have nothing to say.
Post Extras:
|
|
firefly
|
|
Guardian
|
|
|
|
|
Reged: 01/22/06
|
|
Posts: 431
|
|
Loc: Orange County, Calif.
|
|
|
Anon's Quote: I doubt whether you understand the whole question. If you did, maybe it would restrain you from jumping to his aid blindly. What he is doing is immoral. You may feel ok with it. I just don't. What I want is a way to put a stop to what he is doing. No one said anything about taking him to jail. Those are your own words. Resist the urge to jump in if you have nothing to say." end of quote ..........What is he doing ? How do you know he is doing it ? Are you willing to follow him around all day ? Bottomline, there's plenty of info out there for people to protect themselves. These people that you feel are being hurt by your brother have the opportunity to protect themselves. These are Adults you are talking about. Are you gonna follow him around all day with a handfull of condoms ? I don't think so.Have you thought about leaving some reading material in his mail box or bring a book to his house about HIV/AIDS and leave it on his table. ....or over coffee, ask him did you hear about the man that went to jail for giving his girlfriend .......( as if you read something in the newspaper ) You can't think or act for your brother. You have no controll over anyone in this life. I like to think I have controll over my teen son, but thats a story for another day.Your going to drive yourself crazy wondering what your brother is doing every minute. I've been there done that . I know you care about your brother and the people he is envolved with.I don't feel anyone is "jumping to your brother's aid" as you put it.Maybe your brother lacks some info about HIV/AIDS. So , be a good sister and and get some material. Invite him over for lunch and talk about a good book you started reading or start talking about AIDS related issues. Then maybe he will open up.Thats your chance to plant a little seed in his brain. Then.........you'll avoid the accusations,the fights, the awkwardness and you will remain close. Good Luck and stay loving !
--------------------
You are a diamond in the rough !
Post Extras:
|
Previous
Index
Next
Flat
Threaded
