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Family and Friends >> My Loved One Has HIV/AIDS

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Anonymous
Unregistered

My husband is positive and I negative, for now
      #164757 - 11/20/05 03:45 PM

Hi,

Few months ago my husband tested positive and I also found out that he was cheeting on me a year ago. We go trough every crap possible and I have no idea what to do. I am so angry and so scared and I still have my test to do again.
We have two little boys and I love them with all my heart. I am far from my family and I am taking care of all of us. I am upset that now when he found out, he is the only one who can get sick and get tirred. I am phisycally and spetilally emotionaly so tired. I know there is more women out there. I would like to talk to you. Please reply to this message and let me know, if you need some one as well.

Thank You



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Bhammer40
Unregistered

Re: My husband is positive and I negative, for now new
      #164778 - 11/20/05 08:46 PM

Hey Anonymous:
I can understand your current fears as well. Iím just about to finally take my 6 month-out tests and we shall see this next month if Iím positive or not. I do have a swollen lymph node and that has me a bit worried, but earlier this year I was able to take two HIV Viral Load blood tests (HIV1QNTX & HIV1 QL10) 2 weeks after my last exposure date and again 4 weeks out. These are very sensitive tests that check for the actual virus itself. You may wish to check with your physician again to ask about taking these exams. It will give you more peace-of-mind than waiting 6 months for the usual HIV tests.

Unfortunately, my significant-other fulfilled a void in his life with plenty of one-night stands this past year before we met and started to date. After falling in love with this man I suggested he get tested during his annual physical exam. He had told me that he was always safe, and that his ex-boyfriends all said they tested negative for HIV. Shockingly his test returned positive for HIV and we had to deal with a ton of emotional baggage ourselves.

You have several issues to deal with. First you need to possible seek counseling to hash out the reasons for this adulterous behavior. If you wish to repair your relationship then you will need to get this out in the open and deal with whatever issues triggered his actions. Ask yourself if you can truly get over this betrayal. Sometimes we can never regain our trust with our partner and this will eventually poison your temporarily repaired relationship and you both will become miserable. The jailer and the jailed. Again I would advise you to seek professional help concerning this monogamous-breech. Second, you may need to re-establish some significant support structures of your own. Consider the possibility of moving back close to relatives or friends if you can. If you can not return to your family base; then you need to actively search out and target your own support structure wherever you now reside. Sometimes, creating or finding true friends can be challenging; but inevitably like any goal it is achievable if we set our minds for it. As for your husband, he still needs to be a viable, and supportive unit in this relationship. With good health care he should not be allowed to use this infection as an excuse to get out of providing for his family. Unless his health is obviously compromised he needs to step up and be a man. Iím sure he is dealing with his own demons. Knowing that his hand was caught in the bright red adulterous cookie jar; dealing with the aftermath of this HIV exposure; being ashamed, and worried for his loved ones that he betrayed and also unknowingly exposed this infectious virus too. You do not have to be the martyr. Be compassionate, but also be true to yourself.

It is initially scary stuff. You are not alone though. Good luck and make some strong and firm choices for yourself and for your children. We all have our own red wagons to pull down the street. You do not have to burden yourself with pulling your husbandís for him especially when he has been playing in the community sand box. Life is about finding happiness, safety, friendship and love. Protect yourself first; then deal with the realities of caring for others. Take care.


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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: My husband is positive and I negative, for now new
      #164798 - 11/21/05 07:13 AM

could you please give us more info on how you have been exposed?, can help someone else to have more faith, or just accept the facts.
thanks

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MYOWN
Newbie

Reged: 01/20/08
Posts: 2
Re: My husband is positive and I negative, for now new
      #236251 - 02/05/08 02:18 AM

HEY THERE I KNOW THE SITUATION U R IN, A YEAR AGO I CHEATED ON MY PARTNER HE FORGAVE ME, AT THE SAME TIME WE FOUND OUT THAT I WAS POSITIVE AND HE WASN'T, I WAS SO SCARED THAT HE WAS GOING TO LEAVE ME BUT HE DIDNT. ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT ITS HARD I KNOW BUT WALKING AWAY WILL NEVER HELP U, YOUR LIFE WILL BE FILLED WITH GUILT. REMEMBER U SAID IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH, FOR BETTER FOR WORSE THIS IS THE WORSTE THAT WAS REFERED TO WHEN U MADE UR VOWES AND THIS IS THE SICKNESS THAT WAS REFERED TO AS WELL, JST BE STRONG PULL URSELF TOGETHER UR FAMILY NEEDS U RIGHT NOW, U HAVE A RIGHT TO BE ANGRY BUT WILL THAT HELP? I DONT THINK SO ISNTEAD U WILL WASTE UR TIME OF MAKING A BETTER DECISION FOR ALL OF UR. JST KNOW IN UR HEART LOVE DOESN'T GET TIRED IT IS PATIENT AND FORGIVING. JST BE THERE FOR HIM HE NEEDS U RIGHT NOW, SEEK PROFESIONAL HELP FOR BOTH OF U AND DONT BE SCARED TO EXPRESS UR ANGER AND FEARS.

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MYOWN
Newbie

Reged: 01/20/08
Posts: 2
Re: My husband is positive and I negative, for now new
      #236252 - 02/05/08 02:22 AM

I DONT FOLLOW WHAT DO U MEAN?

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