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Reged: 08/04/05
Posts: 3
no med's personal choice, are there others???
      #159519 - 09/04/05 11:59 AM

Hi, I am a white male who lives in Jerry Falwell's town. I'm the son of a baptist preacher, I'm a father of a 18 yr old. He goes to a nice christian highschool and is a senior.

I found out that I was infected with hiv 5 yrs ago. Yes , out of fear I tried the meds, but my body will not tolerate them.

I also decided, and this is my persoanl choice, to not take treatment for hiv. I just cannot live with a life of pills. I guess it sounds like I'm giving up, but not so. I have had 5 almost 6 great qualtiy years, but I am ready to go home to be with God.

I am looking for suppoert, if you are someone who has decided not to take meds, please email me at

My cd4 count is 78 and viral load is 56,000. I am still wroking, and feel and look healthy, howver I know this cannot last forever.

Hope to hear from someone soon.

take care

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Re: no med's personal choice, are there others??? new
      #159579 - 09/06/05 02:00 PM

Sad to see someone committ suicide. But it's your choice. I have a friend who choose not to take meds. he got sicker and sicker and died last year. Why not get your meds through ADAP and send them to Then someone in Africa or Central/South America who wants to live but has no meds can get them. Everyone has the right to kill themselves. But the meds you could be taking can go to the millions of people who want the options to live. Think about it!

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Reged: 07/08/05
Posts: 199
Loc: New York
Re: no med's personal choice, are there others??? new
      #159595 - 09/06/05 06:43 PM

I'm confused. I admit that it's been a while since I've been in a church, but my Lutheran upbringings used to teach that those who commit suicide never make it into heaven.

Also, the statement that your body will not tolerate the medications is confusing and vague. If you were having difficulty with one treatment regimen, then try another. You say that you don't want a lifetime of pills...I only have to take two pills once a day. That doesn't seem so bad to me...certainly nothing to kill one's self over.

I seriously doubt that you're doing your son any good by killing yourself.

As far as being in Jerry Falwell's town...well, score another victory for the fundamentalist Christian agenda of hatred. For those of you are genuinely Christian, I apologize...I just have a BIG problem with the hateful fundamentalist types (they're not really Christian if you ask me).

Regarding the meds, I think you'll change your mind once you experience your first opportunistic infection. Speaking from the viewpoint of someone who learned they had HIV after being diagnosed with Toxoplasmosis and PML, you're not in for a joy ride. If you think you're simply going to expire in a quiet little "Christian" whimper....think again. You're in for a lot of pain, you'll be fully dependent upon others such as your son for absolutely every little thing including even eating and urinating, and there will be absolutely no hiding the fact that you have AIDS.

You won't be benefitting anyone including your family.

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Reged: 03/21/05
Posts: 846
Re: no med's personal choice, are there others??? new
      #159603 - 09/06/05 07:43 PM

I, in part know how you feel about having a hard time tolerating medications. when they were first prescribed to me, I was very sick from them....but because of my family and children...I DEALT with it....because I knew it would keep me alive. but finally came a day, where I said....I know there are other options out there...I have to try something else. and the next regimin was SO EASY. and that was 8 yrs ago.!!
now the medications are as easy as one in the morning and one at night. if you are saying that you aren't willing to even TRY that, then you are quitting. and you know that is not something you want your son to be. do you think if someone you loved had something terribly wrong with him, that you wouldnt want him to do ANYTHIGN he could to stay alive. FIVE good years!! what the heck is that!! come on now....I'm going on 13 w/ this virus, and now the years are only getting better. You can offer your son more than 5 years. or would you rather at 20....he would need to watch you die slowly and painfully. Never mind the "burden" for yourself, what about the pain it will cause others. and i dont think 2 pills a day is a burden. these days...its truly a blessing. you just aren't asking the right questions. you need to find other options. you shouldn't quit!!

I hope you decide to change your mind. I hope you see life for all its worth, and how managable it is. What if you had diabetes.....would you NOT give yourself insulin???


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Reged: 02/07/05
Posts: 248
Loc: Florida
Re: no med's personal choice, are there others??? new
      #159633 - 09/07/05 09:19 AM

blue I really hope you take everyone's advice to heart. Here is the reason why. My husband tried the same thing you are doing 2 times already. It is not a pretty thing. Just when he got sick enough to be hospitilized with PCP did he realize he didnt want to die. Its pretty easy to say that when u cant breathe. Yet when he got better it was the same cycle untill we got him into counseling for his depression, which by the way I think is the norm for ANYONE who has been diagnosed +. I just dont want to see you get all the way down to not being able to breathe, then changing your mind. What if you are too late. How would you feel then? Dont give up, it is not worth it. It is not fair to the people who are still here and love you. I beg you to reconsider this. I remember just how badly I hurt watching my husband slowly kill himself. I dont ever want to feel that again.

Never forget: Life is too precious to take for granted.

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Reged: 08/10/05
Posts: 4
Re: no med's personal choice, are there others??? new
      #159643 - 09/07/05 03:52 PM

Hey there blue414, first of all let me say that we all have the right to choose what we will do with our lives and what we put in our body. I'm wondering first off why you mentioned Jerry Falwell? Then why you mentioned being the son of a baptist preacher, and that you have an 18 y/o son?
Are you not taking the medications because you are a christian? Do you have a belief that prevents you from taking medications?
Here is what I can tell you about my experience with HIV. I am an HIV- female, my great love is an HIV+ male. He believed for many years, well 8 to be exact that "He will heal me according to my faith". I tried to share with him my belief that God is helping everyone of us at every minute if we allow him to, but sometimes we have to meet him half way. The medications are a GIFT FROM GOD. They would not exsist here if not for His willing it to be so. Why would anyone turn their back on His gifts? God wants for us to be whole, to be alive, how else can we share his light and love with another? Well this could be a LOOONG post so let me cut to the beggining of this year, my love's cd4 count was 28, and his VL was >750000. He got sick with shingles along his facial nerve and on his cornea that were resistant to oral medications, he got cmv retinitis which causes blindness, he went into acute renal (kidney) failure, he got radiculopathy (loss of nerve transmission) from about the waist down. Couldn't walk, was loosing his vision, was often in so much pain regardless of morphine, duragesic, vicodin, percocet, or how much he took, that he would be curled up into the fetal position crying and shaking. He lost control of his bowels and bladder, and was losing his cognitive function. Now he had decided actually right before all of this to begin to take HIV medications, because he (as he told me) realized the truth of them being a gift from God, and that he finally understood that he should be caring for his body as if it were Jesus' body, because it is a he is walking, has complete control over his bowel and bladder, his kidney function is normal, his vision is able to be corrected to normal with glasses, his cognitive function is normal, although he can not remember much from the months he was so sick, the cmv is gone, the shingles are gone, the pain is gone, and his cd4 count about a month ago was 255 and his vl is undetectable. His HIV doc affectionately calls him Lazarus, because you see once he was willing to accept God's love as his, was willing to actively accept God and love Him he got his miracle, God and his gifts brought him back from the brink.
Okay, this has gotten long after all, but I have to say one more thing, having someone you love die is a hard, life changing thing, watching someone you love die because they choose not to live is nearly unbearable. Can you begin to imagine what this will do to your son? To others who love you? God will bring you home when He is ready for you to go home, what do you think it does to God's heart to watch his child not take the hand he has offered (in the form of medications)? My love takes two HIV meds, Kaletra and Truvada. three pills in the morn, and four pills at night. that is all. He doesn't need to take anything else anymore (although he also takes vitamins).
Give your life a chance if you can find the way, I hope for you that you find enough love in your life that you are able to want to live and accept God's love and gifts. Best of Luck to you, and your loved ones.

Faith, love and persistance!

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Reged: 08/04/05
Posts: 3
Re: no med's personal choice, are there others??? new
      #163005 - 10/31/05 03:45 PM







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Reged: 10/29/05
Posts: 65
Re: no med's personal choice, are there others??? new
      #163925 - 11/11/05 04:17 PM

Hope i'm not to late
i'm no dr or spokesperson but i take truvada and sustiva at the same time at night, i used to get sleepy and try to fight it and walk around like a silly drunk, there was no medicine feeling in the morning and i did not have the weird dreams. it is your life and the final choice is yours, just try not to make the final choice when your numbers are out of control you are in the hospital and death is winning.

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