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My boyfriend is HIV positive....
#158786 - 08/17/05 07:04 PM
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My boyfriend and I had been friends for almost 5 years before we got together so I knew he was HIV+ before we started this relationship. He contracted it through a blood transfusion when he was 3. He's also a hemophiliac. I thought I knew what I was getting into, but really I feel like I know nothing about his condition. He's always open about it, which I appreciate soo much. Recently things have started to get a little hot and heavy and really I have no clue what's possible. Is it possible to have a safe sexual relationship? It doesn't matter to me. I love him soo much and he loves me so whether or not we can have sex doesn't matter. He's never had a sexual relationship so he doesn't really know exactly what is possible either. I'm scared because I don't know. I figured this site would be a good place to get some advice. I just need some advice on how to handle all of this. Thanks so much to everyone who responds.
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shadow1
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Legend
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Reged: 12/06/00
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The way to stay negative is to know how HIV is transmitted, know all the forms of transmission. There are thousands of sero-discordant couples around and they stay that way by having safe intercourse, using protection during insertive sex. You can kiss, have naked touching, frottage, light oral, and everything any other couple can do who is trying to keep from getting pregnant, they wear protection during insertive sex. I have many friends in this type of relationship and they have been together for 10+ years in most cases and one couple has been together 22 years without the negative partner being infected.
I hope you the best with your future and do not be afraid of this, learn all you can. The most that any of us ask is that the person we love is there for us to talk to, to be there when we are having a hard time, to just be there. If you and the other make this commitment to each other you have to know there will be many up’s, and down’s, but with commitment and love it will always prevail.
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debtex
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Reged: 03/21/05
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You got it right there gman!! love is all you can see thru. you both know you already love eachother and that sex isn't the important factor of what makes you guys so great as it is. but sex can be extremely safe. Learn about condom use, being sure to use them consistantly and properly. Is he on medicaitons?
I can't say it any better than gman did. i too know of thousands of couples that simply by playing it safe....they always stay safe. to learn about the means of transmission. basically you are safe when having sex and you use a condom. there really is no other way it could get into you. you know, you have been with him all this time, so i'm sure you've explored basic things to do. but really, if you guys wear a condom (lubricated.....they come that way)...do not lube them up yourself w/ any lotions or oils and stuff. you can use like a k Y jelly. (waterbased lube). but sex can be compltely safe if you both are willing to try. My Gosh....you're so in love with him and you've waited all this time. if you are ready......I'm glad your willing to learn, rather than to just fear. it is completely safe. i could tell you hundreds that i personally know, who like gman said...has never seroconverted to hiv.
my prayers to you both
debbie
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Thank you both for your words. I knew that when I started this relationship that it wouldn't be all cotton candy and clouds. I knew that there would be some difficult times, but I'm more than willing to stand beside him through anything that comes our way. We talked alot about it last night and both agree that we want to share everything with each other, but safely. I've made appointments to talk to both of our doctors. He's currently on medications, although I'm not sure which, and has been as healthy as I guess he possibly can be the entire time I've known him. I've never seen any signs of him being sick. Thank you both. I love him and because of that will learn everything I possibly can about HIV so that we can have the best relationship possible. He's my best friend and I won't let this be the reason we're not together.
Thank you soo much for the support.
My love and prayers to you both,
Desiree
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May I ask what is the age of both of you?
Thanks
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debtex
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Legend
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i am 33 yrs old, and i forgot to mention.....my husband is negative, and we have been together (safely) for 8 yrs.
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We're both 24.
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dude, what is your problem?!!! he's a friend.
stay friends!!!... got that?!!!
no lube no intimacy no sleepovers no spooning no nothing!
what is your problem?
is a friendship not good enough?!!!
do you not value your life?
why must you feel you must be inserted by a man with hiv?
is this just another form of russia roulette?
for crying out loud!
so many questions, so little time.
speaking of time.
time is short enough.
hey, i'm just saying.
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debtex
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Legend
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you are just saying that you are a jerk!!! dont come to this site to help people when you just sound like an idiot
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Hi there, It is good that you are friends first and most of all,
also as far as anything happening between you two, try just
some basics first, hugging, holding hands, massaging each
other, pucker kiss once in a while, most say that a pucker
kiss will not transmit and lastly if you both want to go further
how about beating each other off?
Just have the lube ready and sanatary napkins or
towels to clean each other with if you go that far, it is SAFE !
Lastly, try watching a program on the Oxygen Basic Cable
Station called "Talk Sex with Sue Johanson", good info and
also very funny, also try reading some mag's like HIV PLUS
or POZ, they are monthy publications
Good Luck, and you both can still have Fun
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Yes it is possible to be intimate with him & I can say that with a bit of authority beacuse as part of a sero discordinate couple as long as the sex is of course used with a condom it is possible
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Monchhichi
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Guru
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Reged: 02/07/05
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God bless you Deb you know he pissed me off!! Ok, coming from a standpoint where I am negative and my husband is positive. We have had sex (protected of course) for many years with no problems. We open mouth tongue kiss for hours!!!! If you truly want this relationship to work you have to ready fro LOTS more ups and downs. Stand by him! You may even want to start going to the doctor with him (if he will permit). It helps you grasp more knowledge on his condition and where he is standing at healthwise today. He may also appreciate the support. If you ever need any help I am always here you can private msg me if you would like. Good luck, and remember love usually wins.
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Never forget: Life is too precious to take for granted.
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kenya
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thanks froggie, you are so apt and i need not say more
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i believe in God absolutely and I choose life!
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