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sex HIV-woman HIV+ man
      #156275 - 06/18/05 06:36 PM

I have met the most wonderful man almost a year ago. We met through a friend of mine that I work with. She does not know that he is positive. It took 2 months before he told me. We have not slept together. He told me from the beginning that he wanted to take things slow. That is one of the things that I liked the most about him. I have never been in a relationship where I have shared so much of my heart. We are both nervous about having a sexual relationship. I truly believe that he loves me and I love him with all my heart. He has not been with anyone since he found out he was positive 3 1/2 years ago. I want to be able to make love to this man who I love so dearly. I don't know who is more nervous me or him, but I can't wait any longer!! I know that we need to use protection every time. But how do you show your love without making seem like some kind of highly dangerous science experiment. What exactly are couples able to do and still feel safe after? I don't expect a penthouse letter, just some advice. Maybe someone knows someone that we can talk to. My doctor does not want me to slept with him at all. The only suggestion he offers is using a condom at all times. Sex is great, but I what about the things that couples do before they actually have sex? Thank you for any advice you can give us.

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Reged: 02/07/05
Posts: 248
Loc: Florida
Re: sex HIV-woman HIV+ man new
      #156280 - 06/18/05 09:25 PM

I am - and my husband is +. Always use condoms and just to insure a little bit more have him pull out before he comes. Also the only way that you are not going to "feel" like something is dangerous is to give it time. You and he are both scared. I have given my husband head without a condom but we are lucky because he doesnt precum. Just always check for open sores etc... I even know some women who are - and have sex without condoms and are still -. Me personally I think we may have a few times and of course he pulls out. You have to realize that you may be taking a risk and accept that. Otherwise neither of you will feel comfortable. We also kiss for hours on end so dont worry about that if you were. Tell your doctor to bite you. I have been told the same things by my docs. It irritates me. I will not treat my husband like a leper just because of this. So long as you are safe as you can be and know the risks to try to prevent them you will be fine. I would not trade my relationship with my husband for the world. I wish you luck and if you need to talk email me. Please title the subject Body as I may erase it.

Never forget: Life is too precious to take for granted.

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Reged: 03/21/05
Posts: 846
Re: sex HIV-woman HIV+ man new
      #156322 - 06/20/05 02:08 AM

I know my situation is backwards, I am the one who is poz, and my husband is neg. Course there was alot of things we didnt know about (especially in regard to sex). but you are very smart to ask questions, and learn what it is that you can do.
Believe me THERE IS ALOT you can still do and enjoy. But yes, I would say, just when it comes down to the actual "intercourse" have a condom handy. It doesn't spoil the moment, you can both do things "orally", and taking things slow are great, because even the littlest touchest become arousing. (becuase you have waited so long for this).
I husband and I waited too. (although, these days I have to say, our sex is pretty much as typical as a married couple after 7 yrs together)......not as exciting and as often as it used to be....but we know our boundaries now too. When your doctor says, just use a condom, well, thats not much really like "what can you do" answer. But there is alot (take your imagination there) you can do. but when it comes time to intercourse, yes, have a condom handy.
Feel free to send me a pm anytime, we could talk more.
Good luck to you both, things will be great....I love to see it when people take it really will last that way.. You learn eachothers heart and soul before you learn ones "desires". I wish you both the best.

love and prayers,

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Re: sex HIV-woman HIV+ man new
      #156874 - 07/06/05 03:19 PM

I'm in the same boat. I did my research and knew there was a chance I could get HIV but we're safe. Sometimes we have sex without a condom and he pulls out, we both perform oral sex without protection but are careful about sores, etc., too.

I won't lie -- when I'm waiting in the doc's office to get my lateest HIV test results, I'm pretty nervous & am also very relieved when I walk out with my latest neg. diagnosis.

The heart wants what the heart wants & the risks are worth it to me.

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Re: sex HIV-woman HIV+ man new
      #158293 - 08/07/05 12:41 PM

hold each other. let him know you will be there for him.

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