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Family and Friends >> My Loved One Has HIV/AIDS

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Willie
Unregistered

Need Help: Girlfriend has HIV
      #15382 - 02/05/01 01:11 AM

I met this wonderful woman 3 years ago. We both knew right away how we felt about each other. We've been talking and laughing all this time and our relationship "COULD BE" a dream come true. She's been turning me down as far as dating seriously all this time. I've been very frustrated these 3 years and now I know why she's been the way she has. She told me her ex-husband (drug user) gave her HIV. Not only that but she was pregnant and passed it on to her son. Her son passed away a few months ago from cancer (KS) at age five. My problem is that she is still the sunlight of my life and I still want to live with and love her. Everyone I share this with looks at me like I've gone completley insane. I've never posted here before and I'm counting on you folks. I'm heterosexual and don't know much about hiv/aids but I'm researching. Am I nuts? Or can we have some kind of normal life together? Should I be running the other way? Who am I kidding, I can't run away from her. I hope someone out there understands and can give me some answers. Thank you.



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Darrell
Unregistered

Re: Need Help: Girlfriend has HIV new
      #15392 - 02/05/01 04:43 PM

Hi Willie:

I have been in a relationship for two years now with a wonderful woman with Hiv/hepC. Yeah, my friends all thought that I had lost it. Fact one. No one is guaranteed one day or even one hour on this earth. Live each day to the fullest. Fact Two. Hiv is not a death sentence. Play for all the time you can. Take meds, be aggressive in your treatment. A breakthrough will happen someday. Love is a process, not a destination. Are you happy? Is she happy? That's all that matters. Tomorrow will take care of itself.

Kindest regards
Darrell



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Jackie_Blue
Legend

Reged: 10/26/00
Posts: 2028
Re: Need Help: Girlfriend has HIV new
      #15414 - 02/06/01 03:56 PM

Willie,

Follow your heart.

Six years ago I met a guy that is HIV+. Fell in love and married him. We've had our ups and downs just like any couple. We've had a few health scares. But I wouldn't change a thing. He is my soul mate.

J.



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Willie
Unregistered

Re: Need Help: Girlfriend has HIV new
      #15429 - 02/06/01 08:03 PM

Thank you both for your posts. I've learned alot about this disease in recent months but I'm still confused. I love this woman more than anyone I've ever known. We're one spirit. But I'm also scared and apprehensive. I don't want to die. I read articles that say my risk is very low and then I here horror stories from others about condom's breaking or bleeding gums and then living in fear for months while you wait for the results. I'm emotional, every fiber of my being screams to be close to her and yet...the fear is very real. I don't know if I've made it clear but we've never been intimate, not that we didn't want to but she was protecting me all the while.



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Jenner
Regular

Reged: 04/24/00
Posts: 28
Loc: USA
Re: Need Help: Girlfriend has HIV new
      #15433 - 02/07/01 11:54 AM

My husband was diagnosed with HIV (& AIDS) in July of '99. In April, we will celebrate our 10 year anniversary. We have an 8 yr old child. Both myself and my child are negative. I love my husband more today than the day we were married. HIV was the best, and worst, thing to happen to us.

Yes, I still think about getting HIV. But in protecting myself, I've made that risk almost nill. Knowledge is power! By empowering yourself, you will become more comfortable with your girlfriend, and she with you. Love is a wonderful journey! Good fortune to you both!

Jenner



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Need Help: Girlfriend has HIV new
      #15436 - 02/07/01 05:24 PM

Willie,
Maybe my experience will help you. I am a gay male. In August 1999 I met another guy. We were physically intimate quickly. Three weeks into our hot and heavy new relationship, he tested HIV positive. Prior to this, we had been sexually intimate in the following ways: We had both received and performed oral sex on each other--no swallowing, and we had anal sex, I penetrated him 5 times. Never did we use a condom. He started medications about a month after he found out. I am still testing negative. When I found out about him I was scared to say the least. Now, I consider myself a "B" student when it comes to being informed about HIV. It is my understanding, that I will likely not ever test positive if we continue practicing safe sex, and we do. The reason I say I will not likely test HIV positive is because I did not show up positive during the 6 month period following my exposure, and we do what his physician tells us to do. And thank God for thebody.com. I have learned huge amounts from this site. We ocassionally perform oral sex on each other but always with a condom. We engage in mutual masturbation and oral foreplay before he precums. We also simulate other sexual activity that would be unsafe to really practice. Our sex life is wonderful and frequent! I protect myself,and he protects me. We understand what we need to do and do it. When we are unsure about what is safe activity, sexual or otherwise, we abide by a simple saying...no exchange of body fluids. It seems to be working so far. He is still showing undetectable on his test.
I know you like girls and probably didn't want to read about a gay man's sex life. The reason I was descriptive is to give you an idea of how to deal with her HIV status, your protection, and still be able to enjoy some physical pleasure. Some individuals believe we are extreme in our cautious practices, that I don't need to wear a condom when he performs oral sex on me, etc. Both he and I had rather err on the side caution and prevention.
I love him. I love him more now than I did before. We had a few discussions about the situation. I mean honest and frank discussions:). We discussed fears etc. And I am staying with him. I love him, and to the best of my knowledge, I am doing nothing to put myself at risk. I am very glad I know and have him. He is a great man, and I am proud of him.
Willie, I hope this has helped you some. And for anyone else who reads this, if you disagree with anything I have said, or have information that I could use please respond. I am not a physician. Just sharing my experience. Willie, good luck in making your decision. I wanted to run terribly, but I realized I love him and could'nt. Sincerely ME



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S.C.
Unregistered

Re: Need Help: Girlfriend has HIV new
      #15544 - 02/11/01 11:10 AM

Anonymous,
Thank you very much for your post. I'm glad you included the details of your sexual activity because those are the questions many of us have in our minds. Also, having done the things that you did before knowing your partner's HIV status, it's clear that HIV is not always easily transmitted. OF COURSE, that is no reason not to use safer sex! My point is, that we can have a fulfilling sexual relationship without living in constant fear by following the safer sex guidelines.

I'm talking to myself as much as anyone else here because I'm a gay man and I have recently entered a relationship with a wonderful guy who is HIV+. We are talking and working out the details of what we are both comfortable with.

For the orginal poster (Willie) and about starting a relationship with someone who is HIV+, I agree completely that 1) it is no longer a death sentence by any means and 2) no one -- and I mean NO one -- comes with a moneyback guarantee. You think everything will be just fine if you are with someone who is HIV-? There just are no guarantees.

Today is the day to enjoy. Right here, right now.

Thanks for reading through my rambling message.

-S.C.



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Dawn
Unregistered

Re: Need Help: Girlfriend has HIV new
      #15747 - 02/19/01 12:43 AM

Willie,
If she makes you happy, go for it. I'm in the same situation with a man who has AIDS, I am HIV negative and knew of his status before we got involved. Aside from sexual precautions and the worried look he gets sometimes, it has been the most wonderful relationship I have ever had, so much so that I proposed to him after just 3 months of dating. He has turned me down so far, but eventually maybe? My life makes more sense now that I have met him, he is my other half, we complete each others sentences, say the same things at the same times, and enjoy just sitting on the couch cuddling, going to dinner, taking walks, the same things other couples do. The only difference, I know it won't last forever. I cherish every moment, and write down everything to keep my memories of this magical man alive. Keep the spirit, and follow your heart, it doesn't get to decide who it's going to love.

Dawn



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Jeff
Unregistered

Re: Need Help: Girlfriend has HIV new
      #15978 - 02/23/01 07:24 PM

Hiya...
don't worry about it !
My boyfriend and I are together for over 3 yrs. He was tested shortly after we met. I'm still neg and he's undetectable for over 2 1/2 yrs. We kiss, we 'suck' and we've anal sex with condoms. We're living a normal life ! Nothing has changed and we're in deep feelings to each other as always. Just love her, live with her a normal life ! Visit a doctor, take care for her treatment and assist her ! She hasn't changed ! She is infected with a virus BUT it doesn't mean everything! Kiss her and love her !
Kiss to both of you.
Jeff



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Need Help: Girlfriend has HIV new
      #17214 - 04/06/01 03:33 AM

I just read your answer about your experience and I appriciate your response. I am a heterosexual with a wife who just found out that she is hiv positive. I was negative in December and will find out tomorrow if I am still negative. your message is encouraging no matter what your preference.

thanks



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Need Help: Girlfriend has HIV new
      #21581 - 08/29/01 05:19 AM

I am glad I was of help to you . I hope everything is well with the two of you.



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