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Telling Parents your +
      #140623 - 04/26/05 07:57 PM

What is the best way to disclose being hiv+ to a parent? I did a stupid thing with a woman I hardly knew and feel very ashamed. They are in their early 70's and always spoiled me the youngest of 4. Please help as I am most concerned about breaking their hearts. This is an aweful thing to disclose in their golden years.


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Reged: 03/21/05
Posts: 846
Re: Telling Parents your + new
      #140808 - 04/27/05 08:12 PM

I'm sorry about your new diagnosis. I guess people are having a hard tim eanswering this one, cuz it has been 2 days with no answers. And I'm sorry for that as well. I did read your post yesterday, and thought "I wouldn't know how to help or handle that". You say your relationship with your parents are very close, and they have always spoiled you. The answer would really depend on how you "think" they would handle this. You know them better than anyone. Are they going to constantly live out the rest of their "golden years" terrified that their "baby" is going to get sick and die. (It takes a long time for a parent to realize that their children can truly be okay with this disease). On the other are torn up about wanting them to know this "huge" issue that has changed your life, and of course you want them to know.
I still could not handle how this would best be discovered by your parents. I know what it did to my mother, she was with me the day of the results....and to write this here to you now, and think of that moment, it will always makes me cry to see that fear in her eyes. (and that was 12 YEARS ago).I know if there was a way I could spare her that fear, I would have. Good luck, and hope all goes well. Please keep in touch.
Love and prayers

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Reged: 04/15/05
Posts: 6
Re: Telling Parents your + new
      #140844 - 04/28/05 12:46 AM

I think you have to stop blaming yourself and try to be strong.Then,try to see how they'll take it without hurting them.I think it would be better not to tell now cus what they don't know won't hurt them.Parents tend to take full responsibility even for our misfortunes and will feel they have failed despite the love should just take care of yourself and be in good health then you can tell them later when you feel is the right time.Just be strong cus it's not the end of life.I wish you luck in your decision

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Debtex has thoughtful advice new
      #145212 - 05/10/05 06:10 AM

My Parents are both approaching 80 and I told them my status ten years ago. The decision was painful but easy, since my Brother and my Cousins (none of whom actually knew my medical news) were gossiping about me being positive. As a result I told my Parents immediately face-to-face. I also broke all emotional ties to my long uncaring (MD!) Brother.
You may not be sick before your Parents die. That's an argument to wait indefinitely. But many of us seem to waste undue effort "spaing our Parents" the news when in fact we really have not come to terms with it ourselves. I could finish this sentence, but I am not sure if it's guilt or shame or fear or what. But I remember how adamant my Parents were in sparing my Grandmother news of my homosexuality (she could have handled it fine), which masked their own shame for producing progeny with such shameful sexuality. So I see a pattern in some of your worries (I mean to say your worries may fit a common pattern). But we are all different. I will also pray for you, not for your health, but for peace of mind. Best to you...

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Re: Telling Parents your + new
      #145706 - 05/12/05 01:23 PM

I was diagnosed approximately 2 months ago and to date the only one who knows is my wife. At the time of my diagnosis my father was dying of cancer and I knew I should not burden my mother with this news. Since then I have seen a therapist and when I brought up the subject of telling my mom she asked me 2 questions. 1. What good wold come from disclosing this to her? and 2. What bad would come from not telling her? Based on my answers to these 2 questions I have decided that it is in both of our best interest not to disclose my dianosis. This decission was backed up by the therapist my wife and I are seeing together. (yes I am a gay man married to a str8 woman and we are happy together). I would answer both these questions before you do anything. It made my decission veyr clear. Good luck with whatever you decide.

HIV+ in Houston

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