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Charlie
Newbie

Reged: 04/10/05
Posts: 8
Loc: UK
Looking 4 help on having a baby with hiv+ hubby
      #139896 - 04/11/05 05:29 PM

Can anyone give me some addvice on having children with my hubby who is positive.
We are living in the UK and have looked into sperm washing but we would have to pay £5,000 for each treatment which we cant aford to do so the only other option for us is for him to go on med's and when his VL is at non detectable we can have unprotected sex at the right time of the month for me to get pregnant. I know that there is a risk with this but it is all we can do in the UK. We did this in oct 2004 and i got pregnant the first month but i had a misscarrage in jan so we have started again.

If anyone can help or give advice i would be greatfull.

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debtex
Legend

Reged: 03/21/05
Posts: 846
Re: Looking 4 help on having a baby with hiv+ hubby new
      #140025 - 04/13/05 01:44 PM

Hi Charlie,
have you spoken to the doctors about what is best for you to do? I know they can really be helpful with advise. (but I know they are also going to suggest sperm washing) yes having him on meds "could" reduce the risk, but as you know, the hiv could be in his sperm and not his blood, so there is still a chance of transmission. You should ask the doctors how great the chances of of the baby being at risk. You could be putting yourself and your unborn baby at a great risk for transmission if your not careful. I know you are aware of your risks, but if sperm washing is the only way you KNOW your baby will not get hiv, then maybe you should wait, and try to save the money, or try to get a loan. What about your insurance,..? could you call and find out if all or part of this procedure is covered? I will pray for you and your husband, but please find out the risks before you have a baby, that you will love more than anything, and only want the best for their future.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Looking 4 help on having a baby with hiv+ hubby new
      #140065 - 04/13/05 10:24 PM

Please DO NOT have unprotected sex. It is a foolish thing to do and puts you at risk. Have you thought about adoption? You could end up getting HIV and having a child who has two hiv pos parents. This is not fair to a child and is selfish. Please think about this before you have sex without a condom. In addition, why isn't your husband on meds now? If he isn't, just starting them is no guarantee his viral load will drop. It will take 4-6 months and these medications cause such terrible side effects he is not going to even want to deal; with a baby until he has stablized.
be safe!!!!!

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Looking 4 help on having a baby with hiv+ hubby new
      #140084 - 04/14/05 06:46 AM

I agree with the previous two replies, it is unsafe to have unprotected sex with your husband. You are putting your entire family in jepordy risking your self and your unborn child. I am very sorry about your earlier miscarriage, I know how difficult that can be.
Another concern, if you cannot afford the sperm washing procedure then chances are that you can not afford a child at this time. It would be selfish to have a child just to have one, you really need to be concerned with the quality of life the child may have as well.

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debtex
Legend

Reged: 03/21/05
Posts: 846
Re: Looking 4 help on having a baby with hiv+ hubby new
      #140098 - 04/14/05 02:34 PM

Hi Charlie, I know these are not the replies that you want to hear, and nobody is saying this to disappoint you, but not only could you get hiv, but you could have a child born with hiv this way. You really need to think about this one...and talk to his doctors. They would tell you how risky this is. I know how badly you want a baby...and you can have one..but it has to be done safely. You do not want to have a baby dependent on these medications, who may get terribly sick someday. That you will have to watch suffer, whether it be from the disease or from the medications, once you look into your childs face, you are only going to want them to be safe, and healthy.
Please do think about this, like i said, ask the insurance company, wait a little while, try to save some money. You are so young, there is plenty of time. You shouldn't do it, just for the fact that you want a baby, because even more so, you want a healthy baby who will outlive both of his parents.
Nobody is trying to not be on your side, we really just want to help you make the right decision. And of course, you are giong to do what you want to do, but if one day comes about and you realize that your child may get very sick, and may die, that would be even more devistating for your heart. Please do rethink this a little more. I will pray for you both. Please keep us posted on what you think you will do.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Looking 4 help on having a baby with hiv+ hubby new
      #140107 - 04/14/05 04:25 PM

charlie, i understand your dillema. i also understand what all of the other people are saying, but i am in your position. i want a baby with my positive husband, and don't know what to do. i am in the US and i dont even know if they do sperm washing here..and of course i couldnt afford it if they do. i am tempted to do what you are saying, with his VL low. i just want to add, that just because i dont have the money for sperm washing, doesnt mean that i am too poor to have a child as the prior post seemed to claim, and that has nothing to do with hiv. i just wanted to sympathize because i know the risks, but know the desire to want his baby. good luck!

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debtex
Legend

Reged: 03/21/05
Posts: 846
Re: Looking 4 help on having a baby with hiv+ hubby new
      #140122 - 04/14/05 07:15 PM

I also agree that I don't beleive she should not have a baby because she cannot afford the money for sperm washing, because I am practically broke all the time, but have a baby (and a teenager...probably why I am broke,lol). you make things manage when the baby needs things ... first. But I also have to re-iterate the fact, that you love your children more than anything ever in the world...you want them to be healthy. And would do ANYTHING to prevent them from being sick or hurt. If you truly want this right, you will do it the SAFEST way possible. Please talk to the docs to find out your options, or your insurance...or again..a loan. Never mind what your desires in life are for a minute..if for the life of a child.

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Charlie
Newbie

Reged: 04/10/05
Posts: 8
Loc: UK
Re: Looking 4 help on having a baby with hiv+ hubb new
      #140168 - 04/15/05 05:41 PM

Please please do not think that this is something we have not looked into, we have spent the past 1 1/2 years considering our options. We have also been seeing the only hiv specialist in are area and he has been helping us alot.
What we have been told is this:
By him going on med and bringing his VL to non detectable the risk of me being infected is 0.01%.
That the viorus is in the fluid and not the sperm itself, so the only way for the baby to get it is through me!
We do not have health insurance in the UK, we pay tax so if you want something like sperm washing done you have to pay for it yourself.
Our doc has told us of a study in canada, that 100 couples tryed to have a baby this way.... out of the 100 1/2 got pregnant after 3months of trying and went on to have healthy babies and none of the woman contracted hiv.
So please do not think this is something we are rushing into, and as for waiting and saving the money, what if i dont get pregnant the first time(which is very likley) and we are £5.000 poorer? do we just stop? Or start to save again and in a few years start again. I am 30 now and feel that time is not on my side. And please do not think that i am not thiking of the down side, i know that i could get hiv and never even get pregnant or worse give it to a baby, i know all this it scares the hell out of me and i cry about it every day.


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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Looking 4 help on having a baby with hiv+ hubby new
      #140180 - 04/15/05 07:40 PM

DONT GAMBLE WITH YOUR LIFE !!!! Who will take care of the baby if you become infected and ill ? Sperm Washing and Invitro Fertilization are the best and safest way to conceive with minimal risks to you and the baby. I've been researching this topic for the past 3 years and know Fertility clinics are assisting positive couples everyday to have healthy babies. All major insurances cover infertility treatments !!! Most jobs offer coverage from day 31 of employment. I'm sure your husband wouldnt want you to go through what he's going through right now...Be Safe and Be Blessed

Queen B

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debtex
Legend

Reged: 03/21/05
Posts: 846
Re: Looking 4 help on having a baby with hiv+ hubb new
      #140243 - 04/17/05 10:40 PM

Charlie, I'm sorry if you thought I didn't figure you were having a tough enough time with this. I remember when I thought I was putting myself at risk with hiv in the past, and i was terrified and would cry everyday, and you know what, I wound up being there.
Do they suggest that if you did get pregnant you should go on the medicaitons anyway? I mean of course after 3 months they would have you tested right? becuase you do want to know before the baby is born, so you can prevent it, your right, then it is .01% chance. I really do wish this for you, that you have this child. and I know even if you had to contract hiv to have this, that you would take care of you, so your baby doesn't get it. Because you are literally putting your life on the line for this child....that is unconditional, true love. I really am on your side about this. I know you can afford to have this child even if you don't have 5000 before hand. (Man if i had 5000 before my kids, I probably would have bought some new furniture, lol). So, say a prayer, and I will pray for you to, and please let me know how things turn out. Oh, and for your husbands sake, going on and off the meds like every couple of months can be a way of risking resistance. so, please if he does go on, could you ask him to atleast take them one year would be great, but over 6 months atleast. you don't want the door to be closed to certain meds in the future if he needs them, but has built a resistance.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Looking 4 help on having a baby with hiv+ hubby new
      #140832 - 04/27/05 06:19 PM

I just need to say that the virus is not in the sperm it is in the semen, and I would say the risk is kinda low for one the mother has to have the virus to give it to the child, the father can't infect the child, the mother has to be infected if the mother becomes infected it's a 1 to 2 percent chab\nce the baby will become infected. good luck

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debtex
Legend

Reged: 03/21/05
Posts: 846
Re: Looking 4 help on having a baby with hiv+ hubby new
      #140841 - 04/27/05 08:05 PM

Its a one to two percent chance of the baby getting it...as long as the mother is on meds.

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Shelston
Unregistered

Re: Looking 4 help on having a baby with hiv+ hubby new
      #209632 - 10/02/06 11:05 PM

HI Charlie..I know I'm replying quite late to your post. I hope you read this and update me on what you have done about your situation. I was in your situation too, in the UK and had to have IVF 6 times. We spent 17,000 pounds. Luckily we had the money to do it and we have a lovely boy who is now 3. We also thought about trying for number 2 (and number one too) by having unprotected sex. But the risk, even though minimal, is just too high. I could not forgive myself if I became positive, the baby became positive and my son was left with an HIV+ mother. I know adoption is difficult for people with HIV. Have you considered donor sperm? This is a viable option and not as expensive as IVF. I don't know your medical situation but do you have to have IVF? Could you try IUI? Contact the Assisted Conception Unit at Chelsea and Westminster Hospital. Good luck.

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RevAnn
Guru

Reged: 08/17/06
Posts: 245
Loc: fort myers, florida
Re: Looking 4 help on having a baby with hiv+ hubby new
      #210110 - 10/04/06 11:37 AM

Hey Charlie,

Don't listen to the negativity, first follow your own heart, second there are ways for you and your husband to have your own child. Talk to your dr and s/he will be able to guide you in the right direction.

To the rest of you, how dare you judge a woman because she wants to have a child with her husband! Get off your high horses and offer support not critism!

Dam, People living with AIDS have a lot better additudes than you all, not to mention they are a whole lot more optimistic! (yea I am "one" of them)

--------------------
Namu-Myoho-Renge-Kyo

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