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Ronnie
Regular

Reged: 01/10/05
Posts: 29
Loc: Columbus, OH
Caretaker and Lover Conflicting Roles?
      #139305 - 03/27/05 12:39 PM

Hi everyone!

So, my partner and I are both positive. He has AIDS, I'm recently seroconverted (5-04).

He suffered from some OI's in December, but he's doing well now. But, somehow I have taken on the role of caretaker. I take it upon myself to worry about his meds, his doctor appointments, medical bills, and getting him signed up with an AIDS Service Organization.

He resists signing up with the ASO for whatever reason I don't know. I wish he would because I know it would help him a lot. We have issues we have to work out about trust and honesty, but I'm willing to work on them, but he seems to want to ignore them.

Any suggestions?
Ronnie :)

--------------------
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www.phunkebeatz216.blogspot.com

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Monchhichi
Guru

Reged: 02/07/05
Posts: 248
Loc: Florida
Re: Caretaker and Lover Conflicting Roles? new
      #139583 - 04/03/05 12:55 AM

Unfortunately you cant push him to do what he doesnt want to do. You can however push yourself. You need to take care of yourself, and as a caring partner he needs to help. On the bad days with him you help him, and on the bad days with you vice versa. When you both have bad days lay in bed and bitch and moan :). Try to get him to see this even if you have to print it out and read it to him. If he is going to make it he needs to be more positive with his way of thinking. Also please check into therapy for yourself, even if he doesnt do it. The trust issues can be hard on any relationship, even more so when you are putting your life in someones hands. It may not change and you have to ask yourself is this the way i want to live? Please take care of yourself.

--------------------
Never forget: Life is too precious to take for granted.


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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Caretaker and Lover Conflicting Roles? new
      #139803 - 04/08/05 09:23 PM

Are you kidding? He gave you hiv and you make him go to the doctor? Arent all the things that you listed a mans responsibility anyway?

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debtex
Legend

Reged: 03/21/05
Posts: 846
Re: Caretaker and Lover Conflicting Roles? new
      #139831 - 04/09/05 09:25 PM

Unfortunately becuase you care about him is why you are his caretaker. I understand your wanting to reach out to organizations for whatever other support is offered to you both. Did you say he has been poz for about 15 yrs (I don't remember the timing on the first thread), but sometimes he has been there and done that, and maybe it was not helpful to him. How long have you guys been together? becuase I wonder, how he has been able to make it this long without getting sick. (oh, or is it that "now" he is starting to get OI's) And he is probably in a position where now it is imperative that he follow up regularly. Does he think that he will get better if he doesnt' take care of himself? And of course you want to help him..you love him and know that if you both play a supportive role in your diagnosis, that you can control the disease. which is a great way of thinking!! and it does work (I believe). Maybe if you ask him to please try going with you atleast 3 times (or more), tell him (if you believe this) that it would be helpful in supporting you with dealing with both your new lives with this disease. it is not easy, but I know being a part of other people with hiv/aids was very helpful to me. Going to certain support groups or organizations for help really made a difference .... to me. Some people just don't want that to be part of their lives. Please keep me posted on how you are, and hang in there. and Please..don't sacrifice what you need to do "for you" because someone else isn't willing to try! take care

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Ronnie
Regular

Reged: 01/10/05
Posts: 29
Loc: Columbus, OH
Re: Caretaker and Lover Conflicting Roles? new
      #140284 - 04/19/05 12:24 PM

Thank you everyone for your advice and support. It is something that we have found is part of an on-going process.

There are daily struggles and then there are milestones. I'm currently in therapy, and would like to get him to go to a couples session, hopefully soon.

Please continue to post on this topic if anyone else has information or suggestions.

--------------------
Check out my blog.
www.phunkebeatz216.blogspot.com

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