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Ziggy
Unregistered

I'm scared to be near my best friend hiv+
      #137779 - 03/12/05 02:01 PM

I am hoping some real life stories will help me with my fears. My longtime friend told me he is hiv + and now I'm afraid to be near him. I have read that casual contact is not a risk so I suck up my fears and pretend everything is the same when I see him. My problem is my terrible anxiety that I have been feeling about becoming infected myself. I'm sure that over time I will become more comfortable with this. Has anyone else felt like this? Has anyone ever become infected from close contact with a friend (non-sexual). I don't want to abandon him when he is at his greatest need, but I am a nervous wreck all the time and need real stories to show me it is safe to visit him. Thanks to anyone who has a suggestion or a response.

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Monchhichi
Guru

Reged: 02/07/05
Posts: 248
Loc: Florida
Re: I'm scared to be near my best friend hiv+ new
      #137908 - 03/12/05 09:48 PM

Do some research on this! My husband is (+) and I am (-. We kiss, have sex, sleep together and eat after one another. There is no reason for you to be afraid. Please for the sake of everyone that is (+) don't be that way. that is the reason there are so many fears still attached to this disease. I don't mean to come off as being harsh, but I have dealt with so much in the 7-8 years my husband has been together, it saddens me to see that there is still such a fear. Your friend needs you to be there for him. He trusted you by telling his secret. No matter what yo think he is probably able to tell that you are stand-offish. Don't do it to him. If you are truly a friend stick with him, if you think you can't get over your fears tell him and maybe he can help you. Good luck.

--------------------
Never forget: Life is too precious to take for granted.


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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: I'm scared to be near my best friend hiv+ new
      #137913 - 03/13/05 08:03 AM

Get a grip. Unless you have sex with your friend you cannot get infected! Learn something! HIV has NEVER been transmitted casually. Only through SEX (mostly anal or vaginal intercourse), or sharing needles. So grow up and get some knowledge! I hope your friend never finds out how ignorant you are! I took care of someone dying of AIDS and nothing happened cause I WAS NOT AT RISK! If anything I was a risk to him cause I had colds and coughs etc!

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IzPoZ
Guardian

Reged: 01/24/05
Posts: 398
Loc: FTL, Florida
Re: I'm scared to be near my best friend hiv+ new
      #137915 - 03/13/05 09:54 AM

This saddens me more than anything, as well as infuriates me. Get educated on this disease, and be there to support your friend. If you consider yourself a friend to this person, you will be there to hug them, love them, support them and calm their fears.

Sadly, I have had "friends" like you, that when they found out my status, they stopped coming by, stopped calling me, and stopped having their child play with mine (who is negative). Some "friend", huh?

Sad, uneducated world we live in.

--------------------
The reason angels can fly is that they take themselves so lightly. ~ Chesterton G. K.

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Ziggy
Unregistered

Re: I'm scared to be near my best friend hiv+ new
      #138076 - 03/14/05 08:08 PM

I'm sorry my post made you so angry. I don't intend to stop being a friend. Like I said I am trying to deal with my own anxieties at the same time as supporting my friend. If I was planning on abandoning him I wouldn't be wasting my time looking for advice. Thanks for you input though.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: I'm scared to be near my best friend hiv+ new
      #138077 - 03/14/05 08:11 PM

Thanks for the wake up call. I guess I am living in my own world of irrational fear. I posted here to get help dealing with this. Hearing from you is exactly what I needed.

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Ziggy
Unregistered

Re: I'm scared to be near my best friend hiv+ new
      #138078 - 03/14/05 08:13 PM

Thanks Tiink, I have researched it but I think you hit on something. There is irrational fear about this disease out there and that is exactly what I am trying to overcome in myself. It is one thing to read about something but it makes it more real to live it and hear the stories of the people who are living it. I am going to be there for him.

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IzPoZ
Guardian

Reged: 01/24/05
Posts: 398
Loc: FTL, Florida
Re: I'm scared to be near my best friend hiv+ new
      #138326 - 03/15/05 12:03 AM

You know, Ziggy. I apologize if my post came off harsh, but being one of the ones who had "friends" turn their backs on me because they didn't take the time to learn, I hate to see someone else do that to someone they say they care for deeply.

Your friend will need you, your support, through all their trials and triumphs. There will be ups, and downs. And the downs can hit you so hard, you wonder if there is any "up" at all.

See if there are some kind of support groups where you live that you can attend. Or perhaps, attend a few with your friend. Learn everything you can. Ask questions.

One of my biggest problems is that, I don't have many friends who know my status and didn't bug out on me. So, I don't have many people that I can talk to. I have my family, and a small handful of friends. So, if you can be there for your friend to vent, or share their joys with (Wow!! My TCells are over 500!), that will be the biggest gift you could ever offer.

Good luck in your search for knowledge, and peace, with this journey you are offering to undertake with your friend.

--------------------
The reason angels can fly is that they take themselves so lightly. ~ Chesterton G. K.

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Monchhichi
Guru

Reged: 02/07/05
Posts: 248
Loc: Florida
Re: I'm scared to be near my best friend hiv+ new
      #138328 - 03/15/05 02:12 AM

By no means do I think you made anyone truly angry. Maybe just touched a nerve. We will be here for you if you have any questions REGARDLESS. I am glad that you are going to stick by him. He will need you, even if he doesn't ask for it. Good Luck!

--------------------
Never forget: Life is too precious to take for granted.


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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: I'm scared to be near my best friend hiv+ new
      #138606 - 03/16/05 09:57 PM

I thought your post was very insenstive, if people with hiv want to be treated fairly then they should treat others fairly and this person was reaching out for help and you totally were rude to her. Getting educated about this disease is not so easy you know. The information is confusing out there. Some sites say it is in all body fluids, some say some, some say some so little it probally will not cause infection, well I am sorry probally is not good enough! So, if you want people to get educated about the disease, why don't you start helping out and do your part in educating and help this person? You were very rude to her.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: I'm scared to be near my best friend hiv+ new
      #138607 - 03/16/05 10:01 PM

How can you post things that are untrue? You have no right lying to this woman. Ziggy, go onto the CDC website to get information. There have been cases of household transmission that was not sexual, through bloody cuts, sharing razors and toothbrushes and even putting lotion on psorias. But it is very hard to get this way. The key is to avoid blood in body fluids where ever they come from.

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IzPoZ
Guardian

Reged: 01/24/05
Posts: 398
Loc: FTL, Florida
Re: I'm scared to be near my best friend hiv+ new
      #138610 - 03/16/05 10:29 PM

Call it rude or whatever you choose. If Ziggy learns anything, I hope it will be for the betterment of Ziggy's friendship. I only have good wishes for those who want to support their friends.

Best place to learn about this disease is through the CDC, or asking your doctor. You can also get information from local support groups or HIV/AIDS organizations. Don't believe everything you read on the internet.

--------------------
The reason angels can fly is that they take themselves so lightly. ~ Chesterton G. K.

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bddyo
Unregistered

hiv+ friend new
      #139809 - 04/09/05 12:34 AM

I think this is a reaction that your friend would expect from anyone other than a " best friend". At least as a best friend you should be able to have an inteligent converation about it. Do you think it was easy to say ** Hey have I got a surprise for you!! Think about your friends feelings and that they wouldn't wish this on his/her worst enemy.
BE THE FRIEND YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE AND TALK FACE TO FACE ABOUT THIS. LATER YOU'LL BOTH LAUGH.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: I'm scared to be near my best friend hiv+ new
      #140234 - 04/17/05 07:50 PM

I completely agree. I, a hiv(-) woman, am married to an hiv(+) man and like you are very intimate with him. We take the necessary precautions. The fear is understood but not necessary in Ziggy's situation. He just needs a little education.

If it is to be it is up to me

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: I'm scared to be near my best friend hiv+ new
      #140235 - 04/17/05 07:55 PM

I don't think the intent was to make Ziggy feel bad or stupid. I think that this disease is such a source of frustration and the fear factor can't be denied of anyone. Education is the key. Adjustment will take time for Ziggy as it will his friend. HIV affects EVERYONE-the infected and those that love them.

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