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Family and Friends >> My Loved One Has HIV/AIDS

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Anonymous
Unregistered

betrayal and hurt
      #133883 - 02/01/05 11:59 PM

I am very confused because I had found out so recently about my partner having AIDS. We have been together 5 years, and I was not told. His ex-wife found out about it when they were together. It has just hurt so bad. It hurts to love someone that you sacrifice so much to find out such a secret. So many people have told me I should leave him, because of the betrayal. Actually I think I'm a fool, because his exwife mentioned it one time, but he had told me at one point that she went around telling alot of people that because of her jealousy(he messed around on her often] back when he was doing alot of drugs and I ignorant that I was about HIV, thought it couldn't be true, because if he had it, she'd have it or the child would. Boy, was I wrong. He says he's been living in denial, but how could that be denial? Maybe I don't understand what denial is, because in the new section of THe body, there is an article from a lady who says her doctor would give her meds, she'd agree to take them, then throw them in the trash. It wasn't until she got sick with pcp that she came out of denial and realized she better get real with herself. I guess I'm having a hard time understanding how he could love me and have unprotected sex with her, with me. With all of those other women.
Yes, I know I'm 50 % responsible for this happening, I don't think I will ever have sex without a condom again. However, I like female condoms, and man are they hard to purchase. and expensive.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: betrayal and hurt new
      #133973 - 02/03/05 04:04 PM

It really depends on your standards. Hemay be living in denial but he is also inconsiderate. And irresponsible. And selfish.
I would think I deserve more. He's a grown man, no? He did betray you, but he probably does in other ways continually. Do you want to be with a man or a child. Does he have any sense that there other people around him or is he so self absorbed that his hurting other people has no real affect on him??? Why would you want to be with him anymore?
Did he tell you? Or did you find out by accident. Once you found out did he act really apologetic or did he shrug it off?

If it were me, if I loved myself enough, I would walk. You deserve more! Are you positive? Did you get tested?

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Anonymous
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Re: betrayal and hurt new
      #133983 - 02/03/05 09:26 PM

are you infected? You have to wait 3 months from your last exposure to get tested and know for sure.

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RIVERLADY
All Star

Reged: 02/03/05
Posts: 88
Re: betrayal and hurt new
      #134020 - 02/04/05 04:57 PM

You have some serious issues to deal with. And I believe that deep inside your heart you know the answers but choose not to look at it. i have no compassion for anyone,man or woman, that cheats,lies and doesn't care about putting your health at risk. Do you realize how many women unknowingly were infected.And do you think the "man" stayed with them, or is even alive. That man does not care about himself never mind caring about you. Girl you are heading for disaster you better run while you can and get some councelingto see why you allowed this even after you knew. Please don't let your life be ruined by some jerk . The illness is manageable but he isn't. what will it take for you to open your eyes and use your brain. as you can tell this issue is important to me,i've been infected for 20 yrs and on meds for 11. Am i happy about that ? no But does life go on , definitely. Don't make it more difficult for yourself. Life is tough enough. Please keep me posted. e-mail if you want flogeo@comcast.net I worry for you girl Life is too precious

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: betrayal and hurt new
      #134078 - 02/06/05 01:14 PM

I agree with riverlady. But what do you do when you find out that the man who you loved for over 20 years and who you trusted and believed in, has been having relationships with other woman, diagnosed with full blown aids CD4 only 39 with a lot of sicknesses and problems, are you running away like his girlfriends did. He still deniens that he had any other relationships, he tells me that allthough I am negativ I am a carrieer, Do you leave him allone and dump him ,I wished I had the courage to do so, I am hurt , I am lost, I feel used, misused, I can not imagine that this will be my life ,but I am -, and he is +, he needs my support and help, who cares what I need.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: betrayal and hurt new
      #134086 - 02/06/05 09:04 PM

"who cares what you need?" Sorry, kid, but you should! He tells you that "although you are negative, you are a carrier???" Impossible. Negative is HIV negative. You are not a carrier! Run away, girl! If you are hurt, you deserve better. If he were in your shoes, would he stay??? It may help to see a therapist. There are inexpensive therapists, often in universities, or other places, you may need some psychological help walking away, but if your heart is hurt and you want to do it, and he betrayed you, you should leave!

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RIVERLADY
All Star

Reged: 02/03/05
Posts: 88
Re: betrayal and hurt new
      #134939 - 02/25/05 03:01 PM

I care what you need . and if I could I'd smack your man upside the head. He has got to take responsibility for his part or there will never be any healing . get him by this puter so i can kick him in the arse. And as for that carrier crap thats just what it s CRAP. Its all a part of pushing the blame away instead of facing it. I understand you wanting to stay by in sickness and in health . But that doesn't mean you don't take care of yourself ( i'll boot you too for thinking like that ). Find your self a support group . these puters are good but not everything. Theres a care givers support board on delphi use it reach out reach me privately if you want. Don't let me see you say that you don't matter
. flogeo@comcast.net

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: betrayal and hurt new
      #138935 - 03/17/05 09:44 PM

Years of unprotected sex and I am negative. I'm staying with him, I love him and I want to be here -- we're newleweds, and yes he has character defects. So do I.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: betrayal and hurt new
      #139597 - 04/03/05 11:04 AM

I don't know how you haven't kicked his ass yet. Just the fact that he didn't tell you and endangered YOUR LIFE would be enough for me to walk out that door. He's betrayed others in his life before--just think ahead to the future and debate whether you can trust him in the long run.

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