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Wife mad cuz my family hid my father's hiv +
      #128319 - 12/20/04 02:21 AM

My dad was diagnosed with hiv four years ago, and died about a month ago from aids related complications at 62. My family decided to keep it a family secret.

Over the years, my brother's wife somehow overhead conversations between myself and my brother about my dad and subsequently learned of his illness. One day, while my wife and brother's wife were shopping alone together, my brother's wife revealed our family secret to my wife.

Then my wife became very angry with me and my family. She's mad that we did not share the family secret with her from the beginning, although she understands our embarassment.

She thinks my mom shouldn't be holding or touching my one year old son just in case my mom is HIV +, for fear of the theoretical transmission of HIV through saliva (light kissing).

I don't know if my mom is really HIV+ or not, but I told my wife that even if she was, there is no possibility of transmission with simply hugging our son. But my wife is still mad at me because I did not do everything in my power to protect our son, no matter how irrational the logic is or how extremely low the risk is.

Now my wife does not want to go to our christmas family dinner. She's not really mad about my dad having HIV. Having recently been educated about HIV from our pediatrician, she's even willing to let my mom hold our baby again.

But she's still mad that we did not share that with her and did not protect our son from all possible risk, no matter how minute the chances. She does not trust my family and feels hurt by them, although she knows we didn't try to.

I'm also mad at my brother's wife for gossiping to my wife about it, which has turned our family bonds and holiday plans upside down.

Should my family have an intimate conversation with my wife to iron things out? Or will that make things worse? I just want my wife to somehow regain the trust and love with my family.

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Re: Wife mad cuz my family hid my father's hiv + new
      #128688 - 12/20/04 09:01 PM


I can understand your wife's feelings as myself are the wife of a husband who cheated on me and caught hiv. I left him and we are going through a divorce for a year. We have two small children and I worry every time they are with him because he kisses them all over etc. and I worry about the saliva and a blood accident. Imagine my life, because I will not let the kids go with him unsupervised and someday I will have to. What did your pediatrician say? Can you get it through saliva even though it is a small risk, can you get it that way?

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Re: Wife mad cuz my family hid my father's hiv + new
      #130998 - 12/23/04 02:58 PM

I feel that is your father and mothers business and if they did not want to tell her so be it. Your child is safe even if your mom had an accident and started bleeding wouldn't she do anything in her power to keep the blood away from your kids anyway? Nobody sane wants to give this disease to people they love.

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