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Sero-discordant couples
#1197 - 03/31/00 11:05 AM
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Hi, I am looking for other sero-discordant couples to discuss how they approach sex. My partner is 23, and I am 24. The last thing I would ever want to do is infect him. Any input will be welcomed.
Thanks,
Carl
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Hello, I have been in a relationship with an HIV+ man for two years. I am an HIV- woman. What sort of information do want, exactly? I mean, regarding "approaching" sex, there are many aspects, e.g., emotional, physical, etc.
In brief, we "approach" sex by being as safe as we possibly can. We do not want issues regarding sex and HIV to dominate our relationship (that is, we actively avoid bringing on the complication of me contracting HIV from him), so we choose to have sex in a way that we both feel comfortable with. My partner wears a condom and withdraws before ejaculating. We both have tender gums, so we prefer to be certain not to brush our teeth before deep kissing or sex.
At first, all of this seemed unnatural, and I was feeling resentful. However, with time, we no longer notice. We have a very fulfilling sex life.
The other way we approach sex is through being open about expressing our concerns and fears about HIV. We both go for therapy, which also helps to bring out these feelings, and we both work very hard to keep the communication open in our relationship. By making sure that all aspects of our relationship are good, we ensure that our sexual relationship doesn't suffer.
Also, my HIV+ partner is ALWAYS clearly concerned about protecting me from contracting HIV. He has never once pressured me for unprotected sex. Likewise, I have never pressured him for the same.
I'm not sure if this answers your question. Feel free to write back.
Yours,
S
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Thank you, it helps a great deal.
Carl
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Carl:
There's tons of great stuff on this site. Dr. Remien has answered a bunch of my questions--I am positive (26) and my boyfriend is negative (22). I think that it's the positive person who has to be really considerate and sensitive--invariably. And to be really communicative.
Don't do anything before you talk about the comfort level and never never push anything on your partner. Good luck!
You can find Dr. Remien's stuff: http://www.thebody.com/cgi/couplesans.html
Bill
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Bill,
Thank you, we have gone over some of the things on this site...I guess that it just takes time...I care for him a great deal and I am not going to let this tear us apart. Thank you again.
Carl
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carl.
i too am involved with an hiv+ man. he is 35 and i am 34 and -. we mainly are oral for the time being. we havent done any anal as of yet. it does scare we a bit. when i first learned of his condition i wasnt shocked, we had some problems and his hiv status did cross my mind. when he told me i accepted it and was strong for him. i didnt really break down until he left for work. i thought i was gonna have a nrevous breakdown. but the crying is over and the understanding begins. i do at times start to think about it and start to cry, but i never do it in front of him, i wouldnt want him to think i wasnt strong enough to handle it.
i do love him very much and plan on being with him for as long as god allows. i feel that he was sent to me for some reason and i cant turn my back on him no matter what. i have searched for a great guy like him for a long time and i do believe that god put us together for a reason.
if you would like to email with any thoughts of questions please do so at rideontime65@hotmail.com
thanks
rob
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Hey Carl. First consider yourself lucky that you have a partner. My lover and I use a condom for everything. We watch movies together, we have sex, but always with a condom. I live in fear that I will infect him but we are very careful. With penetration, do it for his pleasure and don't be aggresive about it because the condom could break so let him have his jollies. Remember there is nothing better than to wake up in the morning and be able to snuggle into someone's arms. It helps the immune system. Keep the faith and have him be tested on a regular basis
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HI, thanks for your honesty, im 35/m with a girlfriend thats - we havent' had sex and wont unless were married. please email, i would like some info in ref. to sex part, when it comes to emotions i have that covered with a support network, but the sex ??'s are a little harder. email is learr31@aol.com
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hi
my wife has been hiv positve for about 10 years now and we have consistently used condoms and i have tested hiv negative to date
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