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My husband has HIV, I'm still waiting to find out
#1007 - 03/30/00 10:44 PM
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Husband HIV+, I'm still waiting
On December 16, our world came crashing down around us. Routine
blood work for a physical showed my husband had low white cell
counts. His MD wanted to run another full panel and include an
HIV test, "just to be sure" because he had never been tested. It
came back positive. We have been married for three years, and
have dated since 1993. I was tested in 1995, 1996 and just a few
weeks ago. All are negative. Why him and not me? I have the
dubious honour of being from a family of physicians. My mother
and sister did not take the news well. They told me NEVER to have
sex with my husband again, and definately no children. They
called my cousin, an Infectious Disease specialist. He suggested
a Viral Load test, so if I am positive it can be caught real
early. It wasn't good enough to be negative, I have to be REAL
negative. They want to know why my husband is not on drug NOW.
Never mind what is MD has said and what we have researched and
read. I am not handling this situation very well. I am not
sleeping through the night and have trouble concentrating. I am
trying so hard to be strong for all, that I'm failing them. I
tried to talk to my mom today, but she can only go so far before
she breaks down. I feel so alone. I don't have the heart to lay
this on my husband. He needs me to be strong.
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I know all too well how you feel. We have been married three
years and were tring to have a baby. We thought the worse news
was that I had earily ovarian failure (menopause at age 35). This
was nothing next to what happen AFTER we adopted a child. It took
two years of paperwork before we were able to travel to adopt our
son. During this time my husband was loosing weight and had a lot
of bowel problem. He kept putting off his work-up. His blood work
for medical clearance only included a CBC. This showed he was
anemic. Funny how it did not include an HIV test. About a month
after we got back from Russia with our 3yo son, my husband
developed a sever ear infection leading to osteomylitis of the
jaw bone. Just to be on the safe side they ran an HIV test. Yup,
HIV +. I have continued to test negative. At first my husband did
not want to tell anyone. He kept getting sicker and had to have
his spleen out. Now they were talking lymphoma too. I could not
stand the isolation. I had a sick husband and a new toddler. It
was almost too much. Thank god for a good counselor and Zoloft
(anti-depressant). We met with our families. I was not surprised
when they were so supportive. My husband was diagnosed with
T-cell lymphoma, and is now undergoing chemo. He had to stop
working and is now on disability. We went into debt for the
adoption. I sold a life insurance policy we on had to wipe out
the debt. Not having the finacial stress has helped. Our son
holds us together. Our marrage has gotten stronger and I believe
he will beat this. The meds keep the viral load low but I worry
about the chemo. I am a nurse and I once took care of AIDES
patient's in the earily 80's when this was all new. I even had a
few needle sticks. Of course I was surpise he was positive and
not me. I even felt a little quilty. We love each other very much
and had a very healthy sex life. I miss this very much. Once my
husband gets well we hope to resume some form of activity. Have
you? What type of measures have you taken?? Do you have children?
If you need someone to talk to I am here. D.
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To Wife of AIDS:
You are not alone. There seem to be many of us. I too tested
negative . Pray we both stay that way. You do not know where or
when your husband got HIV. I know mine got it from another woman
and it was NOT before we married. He is doing well right now. We
are still having marital relations. I often feel alone and
lonely. What will happen in the future? For now, people like you
and me should help each other. There is little support for us .
Let's support each other and pray together.
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2 YRS. AGO MY MAN WAS TESTED AFTER A BAD WRECK. HIS TCELL COUNT WAS 9.AFTER 2VERY CHALLENGING YRS TCELL IS 257 NO MORE AIDS NOW I CALL IT HIV +. HE WENT BACK TO WORK,AND IS BACK TO TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS. I LOVE HIM WITH ALL HEART AN I GUESS WHAT I WANT TO SAY IS HANG IN THERE IT WILL GET BETTER .STAY CLOSE TO THOSE U TRUST AND BELEAVE IN A HIGHTER POWER.. DONT BE SCARD TO TELL THE THE MAN U LOVE WHATS ON YOUR MIND JUST DO IT SOFTLY.HE MUST CARE 4 U HE MARRIED U.U HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF U .
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