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Loss, neglect and anger?
      #96480 - 04/25/04 04:03 PM

I am 25, I lost my husband to AIDS last Jan. , he had been in and out of the hospital for months and the Dr.'s could not figure out what was wrong... it wasnt until he was having heart problems that they sent him to a larger hospital. It was there that they tested him for HIV., his CD4 was only nine and he passed away less thatn a week later. He was suffering from deminta and I dont think he ever knew he had AIDS or that I tested poz. also.
I have began to deal with the loss although I miss him everyday, I can even exept being poz. usually pretty well... but I cant seem to deal with the fact that my husband was poz. about 10 years(the Dr. estimate) and in and out of the hospital many times without the Dr's doing anything? I didnt know anything about HIV/AIDS at the time but now looking back I see easily that he had every symptom of AIDS, how does a Dr. not see this? I know in my heart that if they had tested him the first time he was in ICU 4 months before he passed away, that he would still be here with me... Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with the anger I feel towards the hospital and Dr's neglect? I feel as if some days it is wearing me down? Or has anyone been through similiar situations?

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Re: Loss, neglect and anger? new
      #97039 - 04/29/04 10:46 PM


When I read of the experiences that people have had with doctors and my own experiences I realize why their mall practice insurance is so high. To be more elaborate, a lot of them don't know what they are doing or don't care.

I know that this will not get your husband back but I do know the number of a shark of an attorney that can get you compensated and maybe get this doctor out of pratice.

The number is (212)577-3001

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Re: Loss, neglect and anger? new
      #99396 - 05/31/04 05:59 PM

I have a similar experience. My fiancee died from AIDS on May 20, 2004 and we did not find out he had it until May 3, 2004. We had been together for 1-1/2 years and were planning on marying within a month. I am shocked, heartbroken, confused and upset. A few years ago, he had some serious medical issues and kept all of his records. I combed through and no where is there AIDS/HIV test. Should there have been, he could have gone on meds and maybe still with me. From what I read though it sounds like the inevitable is death and that the quality of life would have been so bad if they saved him in the end maybe it is a blessing . This makes it no easier for me, though. I have not been tested yet

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J in Miami!

Re: Loss, neglect and anger? new
      #110511 - 08/22/04 08:06 PM

Like you I lost my partner from cardiac arrest, also he was POZ for 18+ years he was 66.
The void is great, but you can live on!
The internal bitterness does go away, with support of friends and family, and faith.
HIV is not a death sentence, it is a chronic disease.
Your a young man, you have a life ahead of you..
Cherish everyday, reach out for support..


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Reged: 04/29/04
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Re: Loss, neglect and anger? new
      #111262 - 09/04/04 02:42 PM

You know you are correct, death was a blessing, not to linger through all the drug resistance, side effects, etc.
I'm poz, and have made a personal choice not to take meds. I am doing well, but do realize it will not last forever, I'm living life to the fullest, but do not want to prolong my life. My prayers are with you, I care that your heart is heavy and so does your creator.

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Re: Loss, neglect and anger? new
      #111286 - 09/05/04 07:03 AM

My brother past away a yr ago from AIDS. He did not know he was pz untill 3 months be4 he passed. Two years prior to that he did go and have a blood test done and it came back neg. He went to have blood test as a check up being that he was gay. I am so angry and wonder how did the test come back neg. You will go through so many emotions. There are days still that I get angry. Some how I would love to get the word out more about AIDS. I feel when it first came out that is all you heard about. Now maybe once in a while do u see any info. on it. I think if they put more out their on the symptoms it would help a lot more people from going through this. My brother was sick with bad colds and never thought he had AIDS because of that false reading two yrs prior. He thought you only needed to be tested every four yrs. I just wish they would talk about this horrible disease. When they do talk about it they just talk about how to protect yourself but how about knowing the signs??? I know their is nothing anyone can say to make you feel better. Time is the only thing that makes is a little easier but never will you feel the same. It changes your whole life. Their is not a day that goes by that I don't think of him and miss him and think he didn't have to die.

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