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My friend needs help
      #93999 - 03/31/04 05:30 PM

Recently a friend of mine found out that he is HIV positive. He told me because I'm like his big brother, even though I'm just his friend, and I'm the one that took him to get tested. I fear, however, that he is not being responsible about the situation. Since he found out he hasn't been to any programs. He hasn't started any medication. He doesn't have a doctor. He doesnn't have financial assitance. He is just being inactive about it because I know the resources, although hard to find, are out there. He still just wants to party and play around like everything is normal no matter what I say to him. I'm not sure what to do. He is young so he has this mantality that I'm going to hold his hand and do everything for him, but I can't. Most of the help he gets is going to have to come from his effort. I'm honestly scared because I can't imagine him not in my life and he is acting like this is not a big deal and its making me crazy. What should I do? Anybody.

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Reged: 10/18/01
Posts: 29
Loc: Chicago, IL. ~ USA
Re: My friend needs help new
      #94005 - 03/31/04 09:34 PM

He might not want to come to terms with it but you sound like you are doing enough. I myself waited till I came down with PCP pnuemonia and had to be in the hospital, then I went on medication. It is hard to get on social security income when you don't legally have aids so if he does wait till he gets aids, which means you have tcells below 100 in your system, then he stands a better chance of getting assistance if he is totally poor like I was. The Government has it this way unfortunately. I know people that got put on assistance for medicine before they got as sick as I did. Your friend might die in the hospital tell him if he waits till this point or he can get to the doctor to be monitored now so they can tell him to get on meds when his body needs them. Everyone is different and everyones body reacts different to these medications.

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Re: My friend needs help new
      #94009 - 03/31/04 10:14 PM

It's a tough situation. The only thing you can do is explain how the immune system works and that if his CD4 count gets too low, he will get sick...and he doesn't want to wait to get really sick. It's up to him to survive. If you can find someone who is positive to talk to him...someone his age who is taking responsibility he may be moved to do something. Maybe you can find a really good hiv specialist in your area and tell him about him or her and ask if you should make appointment so he can know his tcell count and viral load. I know it may feel awkward to interfere but his life is at stake here!

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Reged: 02/19/04
Posts: 15
Loc: Arizona
Re: My friend needs help new
      #94031 - 04/01/04 01:57 AM

Denial is a beutiful thing while we are in it.
Drugs drink and continuing life as we knew it.
Some of us take the hard road.
I can relate with all this.
HIV is a treatable disease. So are the other psycological disorders I mentioned above.
But until wil come to the rationalization that we must start paying quite a bit more attention to our illness, we will surely fall to our knees to the beconing call of the nasty Opportunistic Infections the are the causes of death for people with AIDS.
Trust me it is not a quick, painless noneventful way to go.
It aint no heart attack!! It aint no fall on your head of a three story building.
It is literaly a living hell.
Night sweats
Wieght Loss
Vomiting(even water)
Major Weakness
Shaking Chills
To mention a few of the things that happen when our immune system plummets as it surely will. With out the treatments that are available.
You friend is lucky to have a friend like you. And I am sure if anybody can get a message through to him. I believe you would be the one. Don't give up on him.
Good Luck
God Bless

Where ever we are. There is something we need to hear.

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Re: My friend needs help new
      #94084 - 04/01/04 11:34 PM

Hi there,

A friend of mine was recently diagnosed too, and I understand how much YOU are hurting - remember that you don't have to forget about yourself in all this, as selfish as that might sound now.

The main thing I've learnt is that you cannot get someone to do something if they're not ready. My friend isn't ready to think about it yet, and it's not my place to tell her she should be. It's so hard to step back, but I really think you have to, at least a bit.

The thing I've found most helpful is to get well informed myself, and to forward something to her when I find something really useful. Not everything, just bite-sized chunks. There's an article somewhere on here called "25 things every HIV-positive person should know" - that's a great starting point.

I've realised that if you push someone, they can move away. The most important thing is that you're always there, and stick by him, no matter what his choices. It's the hardest thing to do, but, as clichéd as it might sound, it's his life.

Take care, good luck. xxxxxxx

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