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Feeling the need to disclose to a past sex partner
#80049 - 01/07/04 02:44 PM
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I'm an HIV+ woman, over the summer i had a fling with a man not knowing his HIV status but i assumed he was negative. We used protection many times and several times we used nothing. Recently, i've thought about my actions with the coming and passing of the New Year and realize that not disclosing my status wasn't such a good thing.
My question is: Should i tell him that i'm HIV+ because my guilt is eating at me and since the affair is over or should i simply remain silent?
Pls, i need friendly advice and not critism. Thank you to anyone that leaves an enlightening response.
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As a woman, I am always afraid of the violent reaction of men. You could have a health department tell him that someone who had realtions with tested positive for HIV and he'll get tested. If the ultimate goal is for him to get tested then you can do this. Is this the ultimate goal?
Or send him a note...or call him. But I think he should know. Even though it's highly unlikely you infected him. For one thing, it's also his responsibility. If in today's day and age he is still taking the chance and having unprotected sex then he realizes he's taking a risk. Did he ever ask you if you were infected? Also remember that you are at risk for HPV and other sexually transmitted diseases by having unprotected sex! Who knows. Maybe he infected you with something! Have you been tested?
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brent4861
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Regular
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Reged: 10/18/01
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Posts: 29
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Loc: Chicago, IL. ~ USA
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I am note condonig what you did, and it does take two to tango, but telling him personnally will open you up to legal action on his part unfortunately.
Get it done anonamously.
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Oh My! This puts you in a criminal-legal situation if he contracts HIV, and possibly a civil-legal situation for his emotional duress while waiting for results if he takes 2 tests 6 months apart, since you had knowledge of your status, and that you did not tell him.
Please be aware that condom use does not make HIV sex 100% safe.
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I'm in agreement with the others on the board here. Telling him personally will open you up to serious legal problems. Assault with a deadly weapon, attempted assault, etc. But he DOES deserve to know, even though he was sexually active this day in age without protection. I think you should call the CDC, tell then ANONYMOUSLY what happened, and ask them to contact him.
Remember this guilty feeling for the future. Trust me; I've been tempted to act in the same manner, but I knew my guilt would eat me alive. Take care.
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I think that it is great that you have put this question out here. I want to let you know that you are not alone, so many of my clients are struggling with this very same issue and I just have this to say...Even if you do not personally tell him hopefully there is a service in your area that can at least let him know that he was exposed to the virus. He does have a right to know, you could save many lives this way. In my county there is something called Partner Notification and basically they have the ability to notify someone without using your name or anyother information, they just let the person know that someone cares about them and urges them to get tested. Lastly, take care of yourself you must always be diligent about protecting the health of others as well as yourself. I hope this helps, check out the resources available to you in your area...take care of you.
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I was infected with hiv through a boyfriend I had dated for 2 years he was postive the whole time. I wish he had told me when I asked ,hiv will never be stoped if we do not stop lying to one another. I doubt he has it since it was only one time you were together, but look at this way by telling him now from now on I bet he will be sure to protect himself better in the future. So,you could be saving his life later on by educating him now.
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