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HIV Life >> Living With HIV

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KJM
Unregistered

HIV is ruining me...
      #78621 - 11/22/03 02:51 AM

I have been HIV+ since 1990. Inhibitors I have been on for 7 years were working, but resistance becoming apparent, and cholesterol sky high due to the cocktail. I only work part time, but have gone into leave with out pay almost every month for a year. My new boss is working with me but needs me there. I was told my numbers are "too good". But, my system can't fight off infections, I have constant colds, flu, sinus infections, etc. I am exposed due to large bldg I work in and taking mass transit sometimes. I already have depression and being ill all the time is causing me to feel suicidal. I am not even well enough to go see a counselor right now! I want to quit my job, I have a decent SS account, and about $40k in retirement. Free place to live indefinately with my mom if needed. Worry is insurance, COBRA for 18 months, then what? I broke down twice this week at work. I don't know what to do! Just throw fate to the wind? I take multivitamins, etc.I would take herbs, anything to help build up my resistance before I have a breakdown or quit because I can't get health under control. Also have insomnia, anxiety, allergies. I am tough, but I feel I am losing this battle.



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LoveIsNotAWord
Grand Master

Reged: 11/05/03
Posts: 173
Loc: We are in West Texas
Re: HIV is ruining me... new
      #78626 - 11/22/03 08:24 AM

Dear KJM,

I am running late (heading to the airport to visit my husband) but saw your post and wanted to say you are really doing well; don't think too far ahead that will get you in more turmoil; try to take a day at a time. There are programs that can help you; medically and otherwise. There are some marvelous new meds recently approved. You have a family that loves you. Don't despair. There is a life and please don't feel you are alone in this. Talk to your physician are you taking an AD (antidepressant)? That might benefit at this time.

Karen :)



--------------------
Karen G....
"Live with it!"

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: HIV is ruining me... new
      #78629 - 11/22/03 01:05 PM

Before you give up I think you need to look at what sounds like depression. A lot of what I get from your note has to do with feelings of desperation and hopelessness. Please ask your doctor for a referral to a psychiatrist, he may even want to start you on a trial of one of the newer antidepressants to help you get started before you can see the psych md.
I have depression but didn't know it. I had overwhelming feelings that I was not going to survive, every health problem I had was overwhelming and put me in bed for days. When I was started on antidepressants everything changed. I feel better, I can cope with the other things in my life, my sniffles and stomach upsets do not keep me home and I haven't missed a day of work in 9 months. Just don't expect that they will work immediately. It took 3 weeks of medicine before I could see an improvement because these meds have to get into your brain chemistry.
But now, I can cope, I feel happy and I know the HIV isn't going to get me.



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: HIV is ruining me... new
      #78635 - 11/22/03 09:19 PM

If you're cholestral is sky high there are many options of switching medications...ask some of the docs on this site and get a second opinion! There is even a psychiatrist on this site who specializes in HIV. get some advice. There is no reason you should be so miserable! Get some support! Leave your email address here, lots of women would love to help you. You are NOT ALONE but you must reach out!
Also if you stop working there is ADAP which is a program in every state to help people pay for medications. See a caseworker in the largest organization in your area, there is a lot of help for people with HIV, especially in big cities! What's your tcell count?
Lori



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: HIV is ruining me... new
      #78951 - 12/04/03 02:40 AM

to whom it may concern:
I understand what you are going through.I was diagnosed in 1995 and have been in pretty good health thank g-d.the problem is the regimen that I am currently on-makes me tired and really affects my stomach quite a bit.There are days that I weigh whether its worth going through all of this.I say I believe in quality of life and at the same time,I don't feel I have that quality.
I am not working,stopped in 1997 because I was advised to go on disability and I am glad that I did because I heard its very difficult to get it.
I just try to take one day at a time and thats all any of us can do.
My name is Barry and I live in Seattle
If you would like to contact me,my emails address is as follows:mikeroih@webtv.net
Please drop me a line and let me know how you are doing.
Take good care and be well
Barry



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mlm
Unregistered

Re: HIV is ruining me... new
      #78984 - 12/04/03 09:55 PM

hi, I am new on the form. I am leaving my e-mail address- mlmast1952@aol.com. Were I life we have no support groups, only one Dr. and noone to talk to. The Mealth Health worker no nothing about hiv/aids. All the want to do is put you in the psyc-hospital, which the works no nothing about hiv. I have lipodystropy and very depress about the way I look. Please help
Thanks



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: HIV is ruining me... new
      #78990 - 12/04/03 11:35 PM

You have strength inside you that can take you further than you ever dreamed possible. Tap into that strength. Try going to megabible.com and click on talking bible. Let it read itself to you while you sleep. Its all positive. Its all about life and living. It has given me peace, strength and remarkably has brought my t-cell count to normal. I believe its because I simply accepted it and didn't take it religeously (judgementally) I just accepted it as words of love and encouragement. I even ask for help with a sinus infection when I heard it read that I could ask for anything and it would be done for me "by my Father in Heaven". Hey, it cleared up the next day. Honest. Now I am praying daily for a cure to come and I believe with all my heart that it will. I will lift you up tonight in my prayers. Bless you and be strong. We will get through this.



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