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POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE RELATIONSHIPS
#71480 - 09/11/03 11:29 AM
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is there anyone out there who has been in a pos/neg relationship? i was recently in one. i had a boyfrined for a long time before we found out he was pos. we were already in love and now due to that he won't even talk to me on the phone and he wants nothing to do with me and i know that he loves me! what can i do to get him back? people who are in this same situation please help me or if you no someone who is please help! i don't know what to do and i was wondering if this is a common reaction and does it last a lifetime? i can't loose what is now just a friend. anyone with advice who has been or is in a pos/neg relationship please help me understand this!
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This is a process, for him, and for you. Be gentle with him, very patient, listen, talk, discuss feelings. Respect his boundaries, this is going to require time. Support groups, friends. Assure him, he is Ok, safe, loved and appreciated. That hiv does not define him, and you love him regardless. Your friend has bought the idea, and terrible idea, he is less then you, because he is poz, that is so sad. Stick around him, listen to his feelings, and just listen. Good luck PS. I have a little experience on this
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thanks! he won't talk to me no matter what i do. i've tried it all and nothing seems to be working. i don't know how else to convince that i really care. have any suggestions
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OK. Go see him without calling. If he relents and lets you in to his home, don't leave unless he calls the cops (I am only half kidding). At some point he'll probably start talking. Your predicament is a little unusual because ordinarly the Neg guy runs like the wind from the Poz guy. You guys got it backwards (he is so lucky to have someone like you).
One reply says he's probably feeling "less than you" but I will suggest two other less appealing interpretations, he has lied to you (about his HIV status) or "got" (as the kids say it) HIV while screwing around (this assumes official monogamy). So guilt might be at foundation of his fleeing from you. You might give these possibilities a little thought before making a final push to perserve your relationship. You might not even want to. If you love him still despite all these assumed scenarios, then by all means discuss them with him once you have him cornered. He might just break down and cry in your arms, and you guys can have a new start. I am in a Poz/Neg relationship and the sexual aspect is no picnic. I'm the Poz guy. I would prefer a Poz/Poz relationship. Only I love the man I've got. I am lucky. Even if you have lost your man, you could eventually find another man who deserves your big heart. Best of luck and with affection...
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