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Pooter
Unregistered

Anybody dying out there?
      #68809 - 08/06/03 05:48 AM

Hello out there. I'm a 32 y.o. man who's finally hit the end of my rope. Poz since I was 17 or 18, I've my share of teetering on the brink of death over the last few years, but this time it's not a dress rehearsal. Between liver failure and ongoing lactic acidosis, I'm only expected to last a few weeks. Oh yeah, I'm mostly blind in my left eye, too.

Since my "limited-time offer" was not entirely shocking news, it hit me at a point where I was feeling relatively good. I'm not experiencing pain, and I feel incredibly blessed that I can enjoy whatever time I have left. My lover of 11 years is incredibly supportive and between us both, we laugh and joke about the situation much more than we cry about it. He's been what keeps me going all these years, and especially at this stage. I'm fully accepting of dying, aside from the incredible heartbreak of saying goodbye to my loved ones. For me, this truly is the worst part of the process.

I'd like to hear from others in a similar situation to see how they cope (or don't) with this and other issues.

-pooter



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Alexandre
Unregistered

Re: Anybody dying out there? new
      #69511 - 08/19/03 01:48 AM

Hi Pooter... are you still there?!
I'm writing from Brazil, and this is my first time here.I think you're courageous to talk your true feeling. I lost my friend after 13 years togheter, and I think that the courage is the most confort feeling that anyone can give to the others. ( I'm sorry, my English is so poor...) Life is so dangerous that nobody survive it! Is to sad to miss my bud, but one day we'll be together agaim.
God trip then! Brasilian beaches wait for you somewhere in time!
Deus te abençoe amigo!
Ale



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Mikey Bob
Unregistered

Re: Anybody dying out there? new
      #70853 - 09/02/03 11:51 AM

Pooter,
My name is Michael and I lost my partner Tom in January. It has been a long journey from begining to end. Like you both Tom and I have had our share of trama. Tom lost vision in both eyes and that was the hardest thing for him and unbearble for me to watch him have to go through this. It was Lymphoma that ended his life. He had a lesion on his brain that caused dementia like symptoms. He had accepted his dying and was actually relieved that it would be over soon. His mom and dad and some very close friends preceded him in death and he was so very excited that he would see them soon. That was seven months ago and I am still fighting AIDS on my own. I will be 40 in October and Tom died at 39. I didn't think I would get this far, but here I am. I am not afraid to die and am looking forward to seeing the one and only significant person in my life. Tom and I had a very strong relationship and supported each other the whole way. The hard part as you mentioned is saying good bye to the ones who will survive you. My mom and dad have been very supportive and I know it will hit them very hard. I also have a sister that I am very close to and have four brothers. They all love me very much and I worry about them. They loved Tom too, he was part of the family and I saw how devestated they were when he died. I tried to help them along, but eveyone handles death in their own way. I just wanted to share my story with you so that you know that you are not alone. Your courage is uplifting and I hope only the best for you. You are in my thoughts and believe that death is not the end. Think of it as a new begining. We are made of energy and energy will never die, it will just change its form. Thanks again and God bless you, Michael



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Anybody dying out there? new
      #71149 - 09/05/03 09:13 PM

How brave you are Michael. You are lucky to have such a support system! Don't feel alone! There are so many out there you can connect with. I would love to talk to you more. Leave your e-mail address.



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Anybody dying out there? new
      #79164 - 12/14/03 05:48 AM

Oh yes, at the end of my rope here. My limited offer ran out also. Not because the HIV has become AIDS, etc. but it is becoming more symptomatic, and exacerbating other problems like depression, anxiety. I am lucky I have a very supportive, optimistic b/f who has changed my life. But I feel after 13 years the illness is now winning, and I too am ready to kick it but can't, promised! How ironic
the cocktails literally saved my life, and now I can
t go.



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Anybody dying out there? new
      #90748 - 02/27/04 10:34 PM

Dear Dying,

I would like to respond to what you have written. I do realize the hardship that goes along with this. A quick question. I do realize that your doctor knows everything and knowone else does so I will make it short. Have you tried T-20. If you have not it will bring you back.

If you havent and you chose not to listen, then death to you.

This is the best piece of information that anyone has ever given to you free of charge.

And yes, your doctor has no idea what he is talking about.

Try it when you get sicker. I am sure you are to smart right now.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Anybody dying out there? new
      #92657 - 03/20/04 05:26 AM

You are one tough, brave person! I am glad you can find some sunlight in this darkness called HIV, having someone to share it with, and you sound surprisingly optimistic. Death may be only mocking you right now....an HIV+ friend of mine was given 6 months to live.....he is alive and fighting HIV and doing well. I should've died years ago, just got lucky as the cocktails came out. My labs indicated I was full blown just one week before! There was nothing to fight HIV with that worked prior to that. So, not to give false hope, but hope, and
may you continue to fight with such jest and spirit!

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Anybody dying out there? new
      #92658 - 03/20/04 05:32 AM

OMG< feel like I wrote this post! No AIDS illnesses, but as you pointed out, exacerbating symptoms....chronic illnesses, depression, anxiety. Cocktails saved me, but I feel at 13 years also (and labs not as good) maybe my lease is running out. I will still fight like I promised to many, but I want to go before I go through what fiance did. Such irony in life.

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