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HIV Life >> Living With HIV

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mikebennie2112
Unregistered

How do you tell the people that you love
      #67931 - 07/21/03 05:24 PM

I was just wondering how you can you tell the people that you love that you are HIV +



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: How do you tell the people that you love new
      #68017 - 07/23/03 09:59 AM

I just lost my brother 2 months ago to aids. His partner was HIV+ for twelve years. They never told me. I found out when my brother was rushed to the hospital for a brain tumor. He found out he was + in Feb. and died in May. Everyday I wonder why he didn't tell me his partner was +. If I knew I could of been there to make sure he was tested sooner. I guess he was in denial. I just wish he would have told me. He was not only my brother but my best friend. I loved him no matter what. It may shock your family at first and they may be scared at first. Give the some litature on AIDS so they see that with proper care you can live a long healthy life. You need support from your family at a time like this. I hope everything works out for you.



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: How do you tell the people that you love new
      #68076 - 07/24/03 08:32 AM

You wait until you are completely comfortable with it and have figured out a strategy of surviving and being ok with it. Cause you need to be strong to deal with their emotional reaction. They will be worried for you but if they are good people they will stand by you. You just take them to a quiet place and talk to them and figure out what you want of them....this way they won't do the wrong thing...say, I don't want you to do anything for me....just be there. Everyone has their own way...





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Karen Dennis
Unregistered

Re: How do you tell the people that you love new
      #68668 - 08/03/03 07:26 PM

I can tell you from experience that if your friends and family are good and caring people they will be there for you. My husband and I shared every moment that we could with my daughter before she died. Some people do not understand the disease and may shy away , however...true friends will be there till the end. I tried to encourage my daughter and make her fight!!!! Until we both realized that she was losing the battle. We then spoke of death and of her wishes and of our deep faith, and of our love for each other that would never die. It is very hard, but love can conquer almost anything. Good luck to you and God Bless you.
A Loving mom,
Karen



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: How do you tell the people that you love new
      #74505 - 10/08/03 04:04 PM

My son is 33 years old. He has been HIV positive for 13 years. In feb, his Tcell count went below 200 and he has had 3 opertunistic infetions. his tcell cound is now again above 900. It seems since then hes has just gone down hill so fast. many infections, such as thrush, prostititus, back pain. They have him on oxy=contin and nest week they are going to surgecally put a Morphine pump in him. His Father says he is in the last stages. I keep my hope, and I pray each day. Can someone tell me if this sounds like the last stages? Am i in denial? He lives in TX ..8 hours away from me. He wants to go to Thailand and stay with a friend for 3 weeks. it is a 28 hr flight. Should we let him go, or try to stop him? I am at a total loss and almost having a nervous breakdown. Can someone help me or tell me where to get help?



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Karen Dennis
Unregistered

Re: How do you tell the people that you love new
      #75742 - 10/18/03 10:07 PM

Hi, I lost my daughter on July 3rd of this year. She fought back too many times to count. She became so tired.
She fought and fought and always came back. This last bout she new she would not win. Her heart finally gave out. Watching someone go through all the terrible heartbreaking illness that this disease brings is almost unbearable. All I can suggest to you is that you make the most of each and every day. Be there to love and support your son. I was so proud of my beautiful daughter for living each day as though it were her last. We became BEST FRIENDS. I love and miss her and always will. But, I am also thankful that she no longer has to suffer. AIDS must be stopped. I will never give up being involved in trying to get legislation passed to get money to find that cure. I KNOW it is out there. My daughter left behind 2 beautiful children and 5 year old daughter and a 2 year old son. One day when they are older I will tell them how very much their mother wanted to live so she could be with them.
God Bless You all.
A Loving mother
Karen



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LoveIsNotAWord
Grand Master

Reged: 11/05/03
Posts: 173
Loc: We are in West Texas
Re: How do you tell the people that you love new
      #77995 - 11/09/03 07:25 PM

Dear Mikebennie,

First you must accept that you have it, know where you stand, what your immediate concerns are, and how this affects your present life. Will it mean a job change, must you start medications; first of all if you have a significant other or spouse they must know.

HONESTY is all there is. Not all can be honest about this disease because the fear and stigma is still far reaching perhaps worse in some ways today with longevity. Society still considers this a disease of the "bad" and little does mankind see that God sees NONE of us as BAD, God loves all his children equally.

I married my HIV+ husband in August I knew at the time he was positive; he is an ex IV drug abuser; one dirty needle about 3 years ago rendered him sick for life. He is the most loving, kind, and gentle man I will ever know. I had one bad marriage before him, dated many men after this, and this was God's plan for US. We are immensely happy over the simple things in life together. I cannot describe this. However, there are still those in both our families who do not accept; I am a nurse disabled with a rare pain disorder 82 times worse than end stage cancer; people are in shock including one of my physicians that I would marry a man HIV+. They learn along the way.

Kubler Ross wrote about the stages of grieving. This model is excellent for those who have lost a loved one in death but also to those with chronic illness. We oscillate back and forth as we go through the process; I suggest you study this model to best address what you have to do when you "out" yourself with loved ones.

I see your post is some months past but if you are still around you have a friend if you need one to chat with you can email me at LoveIsNotAWord@aol.com my husband is currently finishing up a short jail sentence for an old probation violation here in Texas; they TOOK HIM OFF HIS MEDS, I had to fight the system on that and finally Governor Perry listened and Luke is back on his meds BUT he was undectable and then developed a viral load. I pray the next bloodwork shows a decrease.

Anyhow I wish you luck; as another poster wrote if your family loves you they will continue to do so. But we all know what "love" means to some; it is not just a word...

Karen :)



--------------------
Karen G....
"Live with it!"

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: How do you tell the people that you love new
      #79166 - 12/14/03 05:52 AM

"Lucky" for me my big mouth brother and sister told my parents, and my ex-husband told my sons. They knew for 2 years before I "told" them. But with others...dating, friends, certain coworkers, I just had to literally go by GUT INSTINCT. You will know when it's right. It's not an easy decision, but better they know than God forbid, something happens and they find out another way. Good luck!



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: How do you tell the people that you love new
      #101769 - 07/19/04 01:50 AM

just be honest,if they love you nothing will change,you will learn alot more about them and be more open

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