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HIV Life >> Living With HIV

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Allan
Regular

Reged: 11/22/02
Posts: 25
Loc: Georgia
Who Gives A Fecal Dump !
      #59896 - 03/04/03 06:11 PM

Simple after w while . like five years of doctore medications hassles with ADAP etc... no real health concequences except for loss of sniety ( seeing doc for that also , addicted to Lorazepam) is there not a point when one says AH the hell with it . No more meds if I feel bad it will get better or not and if I go to the great beyond wont there be a better crowd there anyway . It just gets so tiring to have HIV?AIDS on the mind all the time like beforew I stopped drinking ( before my diag) it was all I would think about the next drink, would I be sober enough foe the sales meeting, weekend is here do I have enough booze stashed etc... . Now is it the Zerit that is causing my face to feel sort of numb, if iI interview for a job will I be able to fake being well If I get a job and SSI stops and I loose my job wil I be worse off do I admit I married and have access to insurance, when idf I die burry fire what. is this itch from the hot tub or worse ..........
Enough is plenty.
Just a small sample of the constant remble that goes on in my fuckin head every moment of every day ....




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HereToLearn
Member

Reged: 11/18/02
Posts: 14
Re: Who Gives A Fecal Dump ! new
      #59958 - 03/05/03 12:59 AM

Allan,

Having those types of thoughts and anxieties circling through your head all the time sounds exhausting. Have there been periods in the last 5 years when you've had more peace? Does the doctor you're seeing have any strategies for dealing with this?

Kathy



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Allan
Regular

Reged: 11/22/02
Posts: 25
Loc: Georgia
Re: Who Gives A Fecal Dump ! new
      #60052 - 03/06/03 05:41 PM

Yes there have been more peaceful times ( odd when I first found out it was like a "Pink Cloud" and I felt serene) and times when I have been involved in a project ( not work) but building something or re-finishing furniture etc..)

My Doctor Ah Yes My Doctor , think he will turn 17 next month , he really has no idea he is sort of just getting in and there perhaps is a good part of the problem between the constant staff turnovers ( so many is a year) no raport seems to develope. And poor Doc sees so many patients it's like the joke good bad news . Bad news your son died of massive organ failure due we "Think" to HIV 9 could have been meds???) But the GOOD News His NIMBERS were never better. So to say that All Drs are simply concerned with numbers is painting with a wide brush ( all sort of numbers $, % on medicare $cost of life style numbers of T-cells etc...) but you go in you go out and you go on. The last rant was just that, A Raqnt ! thanks for the relpy ..



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