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Choosing to Live With HIV/AIDS © 1997 By Rev. Alexander R.
Garbera, MA,MSC As a long term survivor of HIV/AIDS, I am still
perplexed by this disease and the social structures that surround
it. Over fifteen years into this pandemic, people are still
becoming newly infected, others are sick, suffering, and dying
for AIDS related complications. Others continue to do well. After
observing long term HIV/AIDS survivors for the last twelve years
and those who transition relatively quickly, it is quite clear
that what works for one person may or may not work for another.
The trouble is that really healthy long term survivors are not
tracked by the medical system simply because they aren’t ill.
Much of what we know, what I know, then is very biased. Yet,
despite individual, environmental, and pathogenic differences it
seems that some common ground is emerging for characteristics of
long term survivors. Medical research focuses on those factors
that support the current medical model of HIV --- such as long
term survivors having higher levels of anti-bodies to the AIDS
virus, HIV viral loads, and so on. Yet, the real life situation
of HIV/AIDS is far more complex than these ‘markers’, perhaps too
much so for this simple minded Minister. It is great to see that
scientists are confirming what long term survivors have known for
some time now: environmental and nutritional factors play an
extremely important role in managing HIV. They are even now
finding "scientific evidence" that things like prayer and
spirituality make a big difference in the healing process. My
question is: why wait? Why wait for scientists to confirm what we
already know? An often neglected, misunderstood, and
controversial aspect of healing is the spiritual component. This
is probably becoming worse, as radical religious bigots misuse
Christian doctrine to promote their own homophobic, supremest,
and biased agendas. Yet, I know of no long term survivors that do
not have some sort of spiritual component to their healing
program. And although there is a lot I do not know or understand
about HIV/AIDS, I do know -- with absolute certainty -- that all
healing ultimately occurs on non-physical levels. A simple cut on
the finger is a good example. You really don’t have to meditate
or visualize the cut skin mending itself, the body does a pretty
good job of it all by itself in most cases. It looks like a good
case for uncomplicated physical healing, but is it? To grossly
over simplify things, a simple cut activates the bodies nervous
and immune systems through a complex network of chemical and
electronic messages. On a cellular and molecular level, DNA and
atoms immediately begin to re-establish structural integrity of
the skin. A deeper study of atomic structures reveals that at the
most basic level, they consist of particles which have properties
of both matter and energy. All matter is energy at a certain
vibration. So, whether you take a molecular or systemic point of
view, a simple cut healing is not so simple at all. Whether or
not you choose to call this level spiritual or not is probably
not important. Words like "spirit" and "spirituality" are laden
with preconceptions, biases, and vague misgivings for many
individuals. For many people living with HIV/AIDS (and other
potentially life threatening challenges), spirituality becomes a
personal quest to undo all these notions in an attempt to answer
the questions: Who am I? What is the purpose of my life? Is that
all there is? What will happen to me after I die? The closest
definition of spirituality is one about evolution from Ken
Wilber’s work, A Brief History of Everything: "Evolution is best
thought of as Spirit-in-action, God-in-the-making, where Spirit
unfolds itself at every stage of development, thus realizing more
of itself at every unfolding. Spirit is not some particular
stage, or some favorite ideology, or some pet god or goddess, but
rather the entire process of unfolding itself, an infinite
process that is completely present at every finite stage." Thus,
spirituality is an unfolding. This unfolding is the healing
process. We are all on a healing journey. We all have our own
paths. Sometimes we go it alone, others run parallel to ours, and
some even cross over. We touch, connect, and drift apart. Like
the tides, we come and go. Like the river, ever flowing, finding
our way home. Although long term survivors use a wide variety
spiritual programs, healing methods, and practices, some common
ground can be seen. In an excellent pamphlet produced by the
Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches called
Choose Life: Taking Action to be Fully Alive with HIV/AIDS. Rev.
Dr. Stephen Pieters suggests that individuals living with AIDS
nurture their faith, maintain self esteem, pray, meditate, eat
wisely, exercise, rest, laugh daily, stay informed, work with
their doctor as a partner, be engaged in life and involved with
other people. Interestingly enough, Rev. Pieters has been
diagnosed with HIV since 1982, and in 1985 was diagnosed with
full blown AIDS, Kaposi’s Sarcoma and lymphoma but experienced
the complete remission of his cancers. This story is nothing
short of miraculous, but we must remember that, as St. Augustine
pointed out, "Miracles do not happen in contradiction to nature,
but only in contradiction to that which is known to us of
nature." Miracles happen. Sometimes they don’t. My path is to
understand why. So far, the best advice I can offer is simply to
choose life, and do what you can to support that decision. Even
the phrase "Choose Life" is laden with controversial meanings. We
live in complex, often confusing, and a paradoxical world. Yet,
by observing people living with HIV/AIDS, it would seem that
those that continue to well consciously renew their dedication to
life, love, and reality. They take responsibility, connect, and
do what they can to embrace the mystery before them. We grieve,
we grow, we go on. We always have choices, and when we stop
choosing, we go on to whatever waits for us next. About the
Author: Parts of this articles was adapted from Rev. Garbera’s
previous articles in Positivo!, a newsletter from AIDS Project
New Haven. Rev. Alexander R. Garbera is founder and president of
The Guardian Health Association ™, a group of long term survivors
in the New Haven area. He is also the coordinator of MCC/New
Haven’s Social Action Leadership Team (SALT). Rev. Garbera earned
a Master’s degree in Psychology from SUNY at Stony Brook. Since
testing HIV positive over 11 years ago, Rev. Garbera was ordained
as an Interfaith minister from Manhattan’s New Seminary, as well
as corresponded with the Clayton School of Natural Healing for a
degree in Naturopathy, and The American College of Holistic
Theology for a Divinity degree. A copy of MCC’s pamphlet Choose
Life: Taking Action to be Fully Alive with HIV/AIDS can be
obtained by writing or calling your local congregation of the
Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches. Comments
or suggestions can be addressed to Rev. Garbera at
Pozangel@aol.com.

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