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when is it the right moment to disclose
      #40093 - 09/15/02 11:11 PM

Does anyone think it is somehow fair to wait before disclosure, while taking all possible precautions, until you realize a relation is strong enough to trust? How big is the risk that your partner will run away (as once happened to me), or even disclose you to all the people you both know?

These issues keep me staying 'alone' all the time, and even avoiding new datings. Since my first failure in disclosure in a relation that had not even reached any sexual activity, I had no relations (4 years now) at all and could only disclose to a true friend I learned to know enough as to trust that he would respect me all the same.

How can I change my fear? I`m really losing enthusiasm for life, and I now live love only as true friendship. And even then how true can a frienship be when this burden is kept secret? But the risk of being rejected/judged is too high....

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Reged: 09/15/02
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Re: when is it the right moment to disclose new
      #40094 - 09/15/02 11:19 PM

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Re: when is it the right moment to disclose new
      #40114 - 09/16/02 03:34 AM

In my first relationship it was not disclosed to me until we had been together 1 year. I was not infected by this person and watched this person die from this disease. I became infected after this person’s death by someone who didn't know they were infected until after I tested Positive. The person I am with now knew before we started dating, and we have been together a very long time now. I feel that if people don't want to be around you because you are Positive the can get stuffed. I am not shy about my status; if I had been I would never have met the wonderful person I am with now.

The G-Man

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Re: we all know how proud you are of being hiv pos new
      #40131 - 09/16/02 04:43 PM

You should get a badge of honour and your so good for desclosing (bahhh bahhh).

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Reged: 04/16/01
Posts: 438
Loc: Boston
Re: when is it the right moment to disclose new
      #40135 - 09/16/02 07:01 PM

Yes, Disclosing can definitely be stressful especially if you have had people react poorly or with negative consequences. I have met people out at clubs or events and had them give me their numbers, we have gone out on a few dates and stated to get to know each other. At the point where sex came up I told them my status only to have them get upset that they had wasted their time with me when they could have been dating someone that they "could have had a meaningful relationship with instead of someone who they couldn't now that they knew my status" It can be very painful to have someone react like that.

The rule I try to live by for this is in relationship to sex. If your just going out on a "date" with someone, to the movies, dinner, theatre or just hanging out, then why disclose, it's not an issue. Being HIV positive has nothing to do with who you are and shouldn't be something that anyone needs to know about you to decide if your a good person or worth getting to know. Even with my past experiences I hold tight to this belief. If they feel they wasted their time too bad. I'm myself first, gay second and positive third (if even that).

Now when it comes to sex then I think you should tell before. I think it would really put a wedge in the trust relationship if after sleeping together to say "oh by the way I'm positive" or even worse if the personal finds out from someone else.

Again I said it's a hard decision to make but I came to realize a long time ago that I really don't want to be around anyone who would just walk away on a potential friendship or relationship because I'm positive. I also put my status in my online profiles, that way if someone is just looking for a one night stand or quick sex they know upfront about my status and I can assume that they are either positive with it or ok with it.

I hope that helps some.


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Re: when is it the right moment to disclose new
      #40616 - 09/23/02 05:14 PM

I know the feeling however when it's time to disclose yo will know and if for any fact you made a mistake then it wasn't meant to be if the person runs away trust me it's okay the people you might be afraid to disclose to might even be afraid to disclose to you you'll never will you until someone is brave enough to disclose their status to you if you need another friend feel free to e-mail me at

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Re: when is it the right moment to disclose new
      #41010 - 09/30/02 12:18 AM

I believe the answer to disclosure is in God's instruction manual for us all, the Bible. Disclosure should be when two people are getting to know each other. God didn't create sex to get to know someone, sex comes out of love and marriage (Bible). For those who don't believe, not sure about God's word, please check out the Bible codes, absolute proof the Bible is 'authored' by God. Codes cannot be explained away, read for yourself, books by Grant Jeffries, Y. Rambsel (Genesis Factor, etc.) on Bible codes. If we ask for forgiveness, turn from our sins and surrender our lives, in Jesus, Bible says God will bless us, heal us, protect us, even give us miracles...we are to pray, petition, believe we have received and forgive others. Children are born with terminal illnesses, people get terminal illness, in or out of sin. God made homosexuals but it doesn't mean it has to be acted on, God's word says no to this. This life not fair, but God has good plans for each of us (for eternity),if we will obey Him and 'know' Him. Life is often a hard cross to bear, but it's our decision to follow God's instructions or not, our way never works, and we can only have one master, God or Satan.

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