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Anonymous
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RRe: Spouse has AIDS
      #3826 - 05/08/00 11:21 PM

My spouse of eight years has recently been diagnosed as having full blown Aids. We have 2 children together and I thought we had the perfect life. Now, I feel like everything is a mess. I am negative and thank god so are my children. Help, can anyone relate?



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Tricepmuscle2000
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Reged: 04/19/00
Posts: 11
Loc: NY
RRe: Spouse has AIDS new
      #3831 - 05/09/00 08:03 AM

Yes, I can relate all to well, my partner has now been considered to be FULL BLOWN AIDS and is now on disability, it has been a very difficult time for both of us, but especially for me, I have to get used to him being home ALL THE TIME, I love him, but I need my space too. Walking the dog helps, as does coming here, and talking to friends. Good luck, take care of yourself. My spouse/partner and I have been together for nearly 12 years and have known he was/is infected for the past 10, it has just become part of our relationship, not a part we enjoy, but we have come to acceptance, for now. I am also HIV-NEGATIVE, I don't know why or how, and there are days when I feel guilty and very depressed, thinking, why not me? Why so many friends. Talking with friends does help, feel free to copntact me if you have any questionms or need help.
Love and light
Chuck



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Anonymous
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RRe: Spouse has AIDS new
      #3856 - 05/10/00 12:19 AM

Yes, I can very much relate to what you are going through. My husband tested positive in 12/99, we had only been married a year at that time and have a beautiful 15mos. old daughter! Thank God, she is fine and so far so good for me. I feel very bad for my husband, there is the very real possibility that he will not get to see her graduate from high school, get married and have children of her own. He is tired all the time, throws up a lot and is not working. We are struggling financially, I resent that I have to work all the time and take care of him and the baby then feel guilty because I know he did not get sick on purpose. Sometimes I wish that I could take a weeks vacation and do nothing but sleep!! We just started going to counseling for relationship problems and hopefully our faith in God will get us through this. I also deal with wondering how he contracted this... the baby is fine, so far I'm fine and he doesn't do drugs and has had no blood transfusions in the two years we have been together!! It's hard but remember that there are people who very much sympothize with you and you are not alone! Take care and God bless!



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Anonymous
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RRe: Spouse has AIDS new
      #3927 - 05/13/00 08:17 AM

My husband was diagnosis with full blown aids too, three years ago . It's was very hard especially the first year. We were married for 17 years. It was a lot to accept his infidelity plus the sickness plus the possibility of being infected too!!! We have two children and thank god we managed to not tell them and they are negative. I did not have the courage to tell them yet with all the 'prejugé'.

I am negative and l think that's what give the courage to continue with my husband. I still love him and when that happen i ask myself 'am i better with or without him?'
He his fine for now he his on trithérapie and he,s back to work. Only few of our friends knows and they were very understanding.
The only big problem is our sex life it's pretty much finish i do not trust any condom so we do almost nothing. I am very scare about that and on the other hand very frustrated i am only 40 yo.
Dont give up and think of your children.It took me a year to forgive him. I am still angry at times but life goes on...





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Allie
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RRe: Spouse has AIDS new
      #4209 - 05/21/00 01:08 PM

I can relate to your post- We have been together for 7 years and I know my husband has been faithful. We just found out he was positive.The way we found out was we were going for infertility treatment and as a routine an HIV test needed to be done on both of us. We were not at all prepared for any type of positive since neither of us have any type of risk behaviors- and can count every partner we ever had on two hands. we are going to retest and I am negative but I am needless to say devastated. In one day, I lost the opportunity to have a child and also learned of
the possibility of losing my husband. I too need to know I am not alone and have been trying to get info on an HIV doctor in NY. Please stay in touch- good luck.



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Anonymous
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RRe: Spouse has AIDS new
      #5383 - 06/12/00 01:20 PM

Allie,
Thanks for your response. Sorry I have not been able to respond lately, but my husband has been sick and I have been dealing with a lot. Like your situation, my husband was also faithful and did not have many partners before me. Now he is sick and we don't know what exactly is causing it. He has been on his meds now for a month, and this week he is scheduled to have his VL and CD4 cell count. I also have to be retested.
Hang in there, I know its difficult
Good Luck



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Anonymous
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Re: RRe: Spouse has AIDS new
      #100438 - 06/27/04 03:49 AM

I have been with my husband for 22yrs and we have four children. I found out my husband had Aids May 2003. I was really upset with him, because he did not tell me. My husband was in the hopsital in 1997 for PCP. He was there for 10 days. I really believe he knew all along that he was infected. I am angry because he never told me. I had to find out by snooping around. I don't know how to forgive him. He is also infected with the Hep C virus. I really don't know what to say or do anymore. The children and I all were tested negative. My husband keeps asking me to have sex. I do not have feelings like that anymore. I am scared to death. I really don't want to stay with my husband because of the trust issue. I am very unhappy. He is very mean to me. How can I comfort him without being intimate?

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Twinkimom
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Spouse has AIDS new
      #105545 - 08/02/04 01:26 PM

I know exactly how you feel, 2 weeks before our wedding last year. We found out that my husband had full blown aids. I have 3 children and our reason for running the test was just a precautionary measure becasue we wanted to have children of our own also. The doctors said based on his numbers he has probably had it for 12 years at least. We got married and when I let some of my family know, they asked why I went ahead and married him.
Since then I have had trouble really opening myself up to fully love him because, I was abused in my first marriage and do not want to be so destroyed if something happens to him. Our sex life sucks, ( I am only 36 and really thrive for it) I don't know whether it is that HIV status or just the inability to be emotionally connected. His #'s are great, but he has lost about 50 lbs and looks old and ill to me. When he gets mad he makes comments about just living together as friends until he dies. Which just reiterates my fears. It is so hard to find someone to talk to. I can not let my close family know because they are the family of my childrens father and I do not want him to know, he can be cruel. Anyone understand my predicament?
Thanks for listening

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