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Trudi
Unregistered

Trauma at 15
      #3194 - 04/06/00 01:20 PM

Trauma at 15

I am a 15yr old female living with aids. I don't carry it myself, but the person that means the most in this world to me is. My mother. She has had aids since 1987. She has struggled with drugs, and prostuting almost all her life. It was hard for me living with grandparents and not my mom. Only hearing from her when she needed money, or was in jail. As a child you never expect not to live with your parents. Children always think the way it should be is in a big house with mom and dad, lots of money, and brothers and sister. They think that is how it should be. And when it doesn't turn out like that, they fall in the curb. For myself it was the hardest on me. Being the youngest (i have a sister 4 yrs older than me), always being a mommas girl. And when that isn't there and you feal you don't have the love, it tears you apart. So i went in the wrong path, drugs, gang banging, and not respecting the people around me. Lucky for me IM out of that stage at 15. I never expected to see or do the things i have done. Most people think it will or cant happen to them. But i saw the light. I usto think that i couldn't live without my mother, she is my best friend. I always told myself i would die the day she did..That was when mom was sick. She would get really sick, and we thought we were gonna loose her, an then she got better. It was hard for us all, it was like a roller coaster. But finally my mother decided after 2 years of saying she wanted to die, and that she had nothing to live for, she started taking the New Aids Medication. Her T-Cell count has gone up from 0 to 40 and her Viral load is none detectable. She Knows there is a way, and there is hope. And wants to live and start over. And i have realized, there is pain in life. It can put a whole in your hear so big that you don't wanna survive. But i no now, she is a great person, and i will live to be happy, and make her proud of me. IM gonna learn from her. She is gonna look down on me from heaven when she leaves us, and she is gonna say "That's My little Girl." IM gonna make her proud. The point IM trying to get at is..things can seem so hard, and you could think that there is no way. Its hard loosing a parent or friend to a horrible thing like aids, and many other diseases. But life isn't harder than it seems. It is not as bad as it looks. The pain will always be there, but it gets better... You will live to learn and grow from the pain. I would love to talk to people that are living with aids, or have friends or family that has it. My arms are open to all. I may only be 15, but i have Ben threw it all. And am great to talk to and i make a good friend. Just remember, there is always a way, and there is always love.

Trudi

SilverPaganMoon@aol.com



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mdueno
Unregistered

Re: Trauma at 15 new
      #3195 - 04/06/00 01:20 PM

Dear Trudi,
What an inspiring letter !!! I am a mom who is living with AIDS, I have two sons who are in their 20's. Reading your story made me sad, I teach about prevention of this virus to the youth like yourself, your unwavering love and trust will carry you through, your mom should be proud to have a daughter like you. My sons have been my reason for fighting this virus, they are great men and their love is unconditional. I got the virus from their dad, who passed away in "85" without his knowing he was infected. We know he would never have hurt me or his sons, so I guess for us it is easier accepting things. Stay strong and God bless







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Rod
Unregistered

Re: Trauma at 15 new
      #3196 - 04/06/00 01:21 PM

hi trudi, your mother should be darn proud! You sound like a beuitiful person. I dont or havent been diagnosed with aids but i seem to worry about it alot since i got a lung infection but i havent really been feeling so hot latley..i think id be scared to go in and get checked! I dont really even know any sympoms to whatch for do you. well i will go for now write back if you want. Im very sorry to hear about everything you and your mom and famly must be going threw. Im sure your moms already proud of you. :) I am just from reading your letter. well bye trudi..ps.good luck!




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