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notinterested
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Reged: 09/07/11
Posts: 127
Kind of upset with my Doctor
      #267457 - 09/29/12 06:11 PM

So here's the scoop. I'm not sure if I'm being a Drama Queen or have a good reason to be dissappointed with my Doctor who I respect very much. I've been seeing this Dr. since I was diagnosed (3 years now). He doesnít have the best beside manner but nice in his own way and I trust him. Anyways, I had my one of two appointments of the year with him a few days ago. He seemed unfocused throughout the appointment. Our appointments are very informal, friendly and mostly just a social visit. A few questions about meds etc... Anyways I had a personal challenge. I was going to try and get him to do the AidsWalk and I was hoping he would be interested in putting together a team of doctors, nurses and patient to get involved with the walk. I thought this would be an easy sell since he treats HIV patients. I was wrong. When I asked him, he just brushed me off. Let me also say my Dr. works at one of the biggest hospitals in the state, Banner Health Care. Anyways after he brushed me off, I felt the need to do some research and looked on the AidsWalk website and saw no mention of Banner anywhere for any teams or any sponsorship. I then went to the Susan Komen Race for the Cure website and found a total of 36 teams. I then looked further on Bannerís website and found that the hospital/medical center that I go to offers support groups for Cancer, Grief, Maternity, Orthopedics, Rehab and Transplant patients but nothing for HIV. Putting it all together, something just doesnít seem right. If I were seeing a Doctor who had just a private practice, I guess I would understand but my Doctor works for a huge hospital. He and his 2 partners treat us but nothing for support, and it seems they donít support the cause. Maybe I should just appreciate his care, which Iím happy with and not expect anything more but I would think if I were in his shoes, I wouldnít be just about treating the patients medically but the overall patient and the cause. I know Iíll get over it soon but now Iím a little disappointed in not only him but Banner.

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kicker
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Reged: 10/25/10
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Re: Kind of upset with my Doctor new
      #267464 - 09/29/12 08:57 PM

It's easy to forget that drs are people too that have their own issues and priorities. That they to have families and obligations outside seeing patients as well as working long hours. When we depend on someone as heavily as a dr we tend to envision them as something greater than they are. It's not the case.

As well hospitals aren't required to have support groups. The groups you mentioned are usually sponsored by outside organizations. Like the American cancer society and work with the hospital to provide that service. There is also nothing stopping you from finding outside the hospital groups. Maybe the hospital thought there was already an excellent support group being provided by someone else. My dr doesn't supply support but works with some other group that does.

As far as the race/walk, would you expect someone to get upset with you for not supporting their cause? Like it or not HIV is still highly stigmatized and feared even to be associated with it directly or indirectly. Just because they are willing to work with people who have it doesn't mean that they don't have stigmas and fears about it.

Are you being a drama queen, no I don't think so. I do think you were looking for something like support and didn't find it the way you wanted to from people you were expecting it from. The question is really, now that you have identified the need, how are you going to fill it for yourself?



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alive2
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Reged: 03/08/07
Posts: 342
Re: Kind of upset with my Doctor new
      #267472 - 09/30/12 07:19 AM

could this be a possible feeling of your doctors visits being more of a social visit?you cant expect a doctor who treats you for a certain illness to just join a cause, but i would hope they would at least have some information on some type of support, even if they dont give it themselves.

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notinterested
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Reged: 09/07/11
Posts: 127
Re: Kind of upset with my Doctor new
      #267487 - 09/30/12 01:39 PM

You are so right with your post. i think because he was there for me in the darkest hours of my life, and he really was, I have developed this god-like feeling about him that I need to change and I 'm going to do so. I need to more direct with him. Just as I'm not perfect, far from it, neither is he. When we disagree I'm going to say we disagree which I haven't done in the past. I think the lack of support groups wouldn't bother me so much if they didn't offer support groups for other groups. He has "outsourced" me to other groups but there's a benefit I think to having the group in house. Personally, I think it would be nice to meet the other doctors, staff and patients. As far as the stigma goes, such a bummer to think your own doctor would be stigmatized by a disease that he's dedicated his career too. I honestly have to say as much as I like him, that actually might be the case. I think that is so sad. From my perspective having your own Doctor treat you for something that he would not want to be associated with in a public setting feels terrible. Anyways I'm glad you ended your post how you did. I decided I'm going to do a few things about it. As far as the not sponsoring the AidsWalk, I'm going to let that go, for now, but I am going to do something about not having a support group for HIV patients within the hospital, if not for the reason of it's just the right thing to do, in my opinion, but from a business stand point, I think he can gain more patients if they offer that service. During several appointments he has mentioned about he would like to increase his patient base. I'm going to write a very nice letter to the Hospital Adminstrators and explain what I think all the benefits would be to having the support group as well as offer to organize and speak at it as long as I can get the doctors and maybe one or two nurses to support me. No expectations but it's worth a shot. Thanks

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notinterested
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Reged: 09/07/11
Posts: 127
Re: Kind of upset with my Doctor new
      #267488 - 09/30/12 01:51 PM

I agree. He has mentioned a few groups at the very beginning. I honestly think my doctor feels this way and I can see his point. I think he feels this is such a manageable disease that he may not understand the need for a support group. He told me during the first few appointments that I didn't need to indentify myself with it and that everything would be ok. He kept stressing that. I agree with him now but I remember how terrified I was in the beginning and I think a support group could have helped. I see where he his coming from. He probably would tell me just as he doesn't think there needs to be a support group for people with asthma, he may also not see the need for a support group for poeple with HIV. Another reason he or maybe a nurse mentioned at one time that they have seen younger patients who are newly infected coming in with a totally different mindset than people who are finding out who are in their 30's or 40's. He or she was saying that people in their early 20's are coming in, like oh I found out I have HIV, so what do I need to do. He said that those of us who were around in the 80's and saw the movie And the Band Played on or Philadelphia have locked those images in our heads and fear that would happen to us. The younger generation has somehow got the message, well I just got a take a pill and all is good. So with that attitude he may not see the need as well. But I'm going to take the initiative and see if I can make a difference. Who knows... Thanks

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